The Trouble with Signs and Omens—Seeing with Faith

In the weeks preceding my dad’s death in late December 2016, I kept seeing the number 111. I'd see it quite frequently whenever I looked at my phone or a clock to check the time, but I’d also see the numbers on a sign posted along the road, or while out walking I’d look up and notice a house address with "111."

It freaked me out since I had learned from someone who seemed knowledgeable in numerology and the significance of numbers in various religious/spiritual traditions that "111" was the number of death. Was the frequency at which I was suddenly seeing “111” a sign or warning?

Absolutely not a thought I wanted to entertain, particularly given the situation with my dad’s health. There certainly did seem to be quite a lot of discussion about death or reports of death occurring during the last weeks of 2016. During the final two weeks of December, I had received numerous texts from my sister about the deaths of celebrities like Alan Thicke, George Michael, Connie Fisher and then her mom Debbie Reynolds. Then there were the  members of spiritual communities talking about 2016 representing the death of dreams and old ways of being or doing things.

Following my dad’s death, I assumed that I would no longer be inundated with sightings of “111" because... Yet, I continued seeing the dreaded triplet, not as frequently, but far more often than I wanted. Really, universe?! Enough, already! Send me another message, please!!

Funny how the mind works. Today while studying about faith—true, steadfast faith—I saw the number "111" again. And while it may sound cliché, in the moment I saw the number on my computer, I felt as if a light had been turned on inside my mind.

Hebrews 11:1 - Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (NIV)

It is quite possible that my constantly noticing the number “111” with such regularity over the past 12 weeks was mere coincidence—provided you believe in coincidences—sparked by the information I had learned from the numerology expert. But, might it perhaps be possible that it was intended as a message from the universe, and one that I had misinterpreted?

Rather than being an omen warning me of some impending loss or heartbreak, what if seeing “111” was intended as a message to my subconscious to remain steadfast in faith and focused on the things I had been hoping for. There were many moments, far too many, during the last few months of 2016 when I allowed myself to become fixated on the dire circumstances and events happening around me and made decisions from a place of fear. I began judging situations and reacting to them based solely on what I was seeing, hearing, and experiencing. Some might call that a rational approach to life. It may well be, but it is also a very limiting approach because what I can see, know, or experience with my physical senses is very limited. In fact, with my physical eyes I can perceive only a small fraction of what is actually right now in front of me, which is why I can see the same movie a dozen times and notice something new each time. The same goes for my hearing and other senses.

I don't want to be limited by my present or even past circumstances. It is my desire now as it has been for many years to experience more, and still more. I want to create a life that is expansive, always abounding, beyond what I, or my parents or anyone could imagine. Such a life requires faith. It requires the ability to believe what can’t already be seen. It requires you to believe that because you have imagined it and are stepping toward it, it will come to pass. It requires you to disregard present conditions and circumstances that suggests your dreams and desires aren’t possible. It requires you to ignore the suggestions of well-meaning family, friends, and others who tell you to be more rational, play it safe, or give up. It requires you to ignore the voices in your own mind telling you it won’t work, it’s impossible, or it’s too late.

Living by faith is not an easy way to live. Often, it can feel extremely frightening like having to walk through the woods in the dark blindfolded (I’ve done it, don’t ask), and even lonely. You risk your friends and family thinking you're reckless, irresponsible, or just nuts. (Perhaps this is what prompted Peter to refer to the early Christians he wrote to in his letter as a "peculiar" people.) Living by faith is not for the faint of heart. Yet, I cannot now live otherwise, nor do I want to.

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me.” Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) Hillsong United 

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"Faith is to believe what you do not see and the reward
of that faith is to see what you believe." St. Augustine

"For we live by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7

A Soul's Cry

I am feeling afraid today. With my whole heart I am still choosing to believe that all things are possible, but I am feeling afraid.

There is nothing that I can imagine that hurts more than believing with your whole heart, soul, and spirit for something—physical healing, financial abundance, relationship restoration, a new business, whatever it is—and it doesn’t happen. You affirm, you declare, you pray, you take action, you wait.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick. There is no truer statement than this and no one wants to be sick, so sometimes it’s just feels easier to not hope, to not dream, to not risk, to make do, to keep your expectations low or have none at all, to settle.

And yet, there is a constant cry that emerges from deep within the soul demanding more—the big, the bold, the unimaginable, the seemingly out of this world. This soul's cry won’t be silenced, not until her desire is satiated. She wants to be seen. She wants to be heard. She wants to scale mountains and walk on the water and show others they can too. She wants to unleash the greatness that is within.

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. Psalm 42:7 (NIV)