I Came Face-to-face with Two Deer in Three Weeks—Coincidence?

In three weeks, I've come face-to-face with two deer. And I do mean face-to-face as in uncomfortably close enough to nearly reach out and touch them. (I didn't!)

My first face-to-face deer encounter, July 4, 2016

The first incident occurred curiously on the 4th of July, Independence Day in the U.S. As I was walking to the Metro station from my parents' home, I saw what I thought at first was a very large dog. Stunned and uncertain what my next and safest step should be, I realized I was staring in the face of a deer! He/she seemed as stunned as me for a moment before returning to grazing on the leaves of a nearby tree branch in the park where we
encountered each other.

The second incident occurred today, exactly three weeks later. This time I was walking toward my home in a very suburban part of Maryland state and encountered another deer. Although there's a wooded area directly across from the building where I live (it's used to be someone's property for whom my street is now named), I've never seen a deer in my neighborhood. The nearest park is about a mile away.

Coincidence? Or a message from the Universe?

Seeker that I am, I needed to find out what these close encounters with deer might mean and decided to do some research on deer spirits.

Being of Native American ancestry on my mother's side, I've spent a significant amount of time throughout my life learning about their traditions and beliefs, wanting to know more about my great grandfather for whom I only have a name, but have heard many wonderful stories about.

According to Native American tradition, each individual is connected with one of nine different animals that will accompany each person through life, acting as guides. Different animal guides, also called spirit guides and/or power animals, come in and out of our lives depending on the direction that we are headed and the tasks that need to be completed along our journey, but there is usually one animal, your totem animal, that is with you for life.¹ Sounds somewhat like the Christian concept of a guardian angel.

One expert suggests that the deer spirit is "a symbol of regeneration of life and heart energy." I like the sound of that!  The deer spirit represents one's ability "to bring gentleness and grace in every aspect of your life, even in the most challenging moments. By inspiration from the deer’s qualities, you can achieve ambitious goals and tackle difficult situation smoothly with a touch of gentleness and grace." ²

Another shares that "when a deer totem shows up in your life, a new innocence and freshness is about to be awakened." This person adds that "the deer teaches us to use the power of gentleness to touch the hearts and minds of wounded beings who are in our lives." ³

Well, I would absolutely consider this moment of my life to be one of my most challenging. I would very much like to get through it all with gentleness and grace, although I've been feeling more ornery and frustrated, when not curled up in the fetal position crying. In fact, I've been feeling quite a bit like someone sinking in quicksand. Yet, the more I fight to keep from sinking, the deeper in it I get. And yes, I know I should just stop fighting as that is what I've always heard one should do when in quicksand because struggling to get free only pulls you in deeper. Still, gentle soul that I can be, I am also a warrior at heart.

But I am extremely open to the possibility of a new innocence and freshness—of recapturing my childlike innocence and belief in the impossible, or rather that all things are possible. I haven't been enjoying the hopeless, cynical, angry and resentful person that stares back at me from the mirror as I grapple with feelings of being unappreciated, unloved, unsupported, unsafe, and undeserving of anything good. Admittedly aspects of my nature—my shadow self, perhaps, emerging to be embraced and healed—I do not want these feelings/aspects to overtake the whole of me as they threaten to do some days, especially since I know I created my current situation with my thoughts, choices, and actions and these darker feelings will not help me to create something better.

The something better being once-and-for-all healing old trauma, past hurts and transforming my current experience into something beautiful and uplifting. And then with childlike faith and the gentle heart that I have always had—but sometimes tried to hide for fear of being thought weak—helping the other wounded in my life to find healing.

Thank you deer spirit. Thank you for the reminder to keep a determined, yet gentle spirit in the midst of all things.

^1- http://www.legendsofamerica.com/na-totems.html
^2- http://www.spiritanimal.info/deer-spirit-animal/  
^3- http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/deer.htm

Touching the Face of God

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When I was a child, before the days of 24/7 television across 120-plus stations, television stations featured sign-offs to indicate they were going off air for a few hours, usually in the wee hours of the morning between 2 to 4 a.m. Each station’s sign-off was different, but there was one that seemed to really fascinate me as I watched it during those early mornings when I was up long, long past bedtime because I just couldn’t sleep. (And yes, I had a TV in my room. Blame my parents, why don’t you?!)

I remember the sign-off featured images of airplanes soaring through the clouds, and a man’s voice that always sounded so soothing as he spoke of "dancing in the sky" and "touching the face of God." Sometimes the airplane images were replaced with images of eagles flying across the expanse of sky or an ocean. Ever so high, I recall watching them climb, wishing I could be, feel that free.

The past few months of life have been quite challenging for me dealing with personal, financial and family health issues. As I’ve mentioned a few times in my posts, I share caregiving duties for my parents with my siblings. I’ve been doing this since 2010 when my mom had her first seizure. Three years later, we were having to care for dad also. In the midst of all of this, I experienced my own health crisis and financial loss resulting from being fired from a job that I really enjoyed. Life really is grand, isn’t it? (No, I’m not being sarcastic, much!)

Yesterday I felt that I was near to reaching the breaking point. There was something I wanted, needed to accomplish, yet despite my best efforts I was getting it done--something my Virgo mind just can’t easily handle. As I began feeling the despair and discouragement, tears streaming down my face, I headed outside with my trusty journal in hand to help sort through my feelings. In nature is where I thrive. In nature is where I find peace.

Sitting on the back porch of my parents’ home, I started journaling, and then suddenly stopped to just look up at the sky. The great expanse of blue sky was filled with amazingly beautiful white and soft gray clouds. I felt calm and at peace as I stared off into the distance as far as I could see. I noticed a plane fly by and the usual birds. Breathtaking. I have a deep appreciation for art, and yet don’t believe there is any artist living or dead who could adequately capture the beauty of what I was seeing, experiencing looking up into that sky. It felt like I was seeing something painted made by the very hand of God, which brings me back to the TV sign-offs I mentioned at the beginning of my post.

I sat still for a while, staring into those clouds in front of me, above me, around me, trying to breathe myself into them, make myself one with all that surrounded me when I suddenly remembered the TV sign off from my childhood, the one with man’s voice talking about touching the face of God.

Information addict that I am I decided to search the Internet for that sign off, or the poem, as I was sure it was most likely a poem the man was reading. It was. The poem is High Flight, written by John Gillespie Magee Jr., a 19-year old aviator pilot. He wrote the poem just three months before he died during a training flight from the airfield near Scopwick. Portions of the poem are inscribed on the headstones of many aviators and astronauts buried in Arlington National Cemetery.*

I cried as I read the full poem and understood why the man’s words had so touched me at such a young age that many years later I’m still able to remember those images that flashed across my TV screen and even hear some of the words spoken. I had a rather vivid imagination as a child, still do, and would dream of doing and being pretty much anything. I was a ballerina, and a princess, a rock star, and a cowgirl (not the cheerleader variety). Once I dreamed about walking on the moon and even imagined I was one of the officers on Star Trek (don't ask), not understanding the whole TV isn't real thing. At least not then—no reality television, yet, thank goodness!

I was learning then as I’m still now learning that life offers infinite possibilities for us beyond what we are experiencing in the moment and beyond what we can imagine or dream, if only we could believe that it does. And just like Officer Magee, we, too, can touch the face of God.

Here's the poem for you to read, or you can experience it the way I did as a child.

High Flight 

By John Gillespie Magee Jr.

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth,

And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;

Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth

Of sun-split clouds, -- and done a hundred things

You have not dreamed of -- Wheeled and soared and swung

High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there

I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung

My eager craft through footless halls of air...

Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue

I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace

Where never lark or even eagle flew --

And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod

The high untrespassed sanctity of space,

Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

* Source: http://www.arlingtoncemetery.net/