I Still Believe

Rainbow viewed from the window of the guest
room in my parents' home.

I was 15 years old when I read the Diary of Anne Frank for the first time. The book—the actual recorded diary of a 13-year old girl, writing about her experience while living in hiding during the time of the Holocaust—had a profound effect on me and my developing philosophy of life.

Not much older than Anne when I first read the book, I was at what people call that awkward age between childhood and adulthood during which you begin pushing your parents' buttons by challenging all you've been taught, on the road to figuring out who you are, or at least, who you want to be. I questioned everything at that age—still do—because I wanted to understand my life. Why was I here? Why were any of us here? Why did pain and suffering exist?

I recall going through a really dark period where I thought the world and most people in it were cruel, hateful, and just downright sadistic. (I suppose years of being teased and feeling as if you’re struggling to fit in will do that to a young girl.) I had read all about the horrors and indignities of the Holocaust, as well as the horrors and indignities suffered by the African slaves in America. Being black, I had experienced prejudice, although not nearly to the degree of my parents or even my older siblings. Learning about these events along with enduring the day-to-day annoyances of being teased—for being too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too clumsy, etc., etc.—only fueled my belief that this earth was a cruel, heartless place to be. Even Sunday School lessons about a loving God who protects the meek and innocent rang empty to me as I wondered who protected the slaves or the victims of the Holocaust, or my little brother when he was sick with a brain tumor.

So fixated I was on all that was wrong with the world—wrong with my world—that I just really couldn’t see there was also beauty and goodness around me. Until I read Anne’s diary. She describes, in sometimes painful detail, her and her family's day-to-day experiences after they are forced into hiding in an attempt to escape the Nazi concentration camps.Some of her entries made me laugh—girl stuff that sounded like things I had written in my own diary. Many of the entries, knowing what became of Anne since my teacher gave away the end of the story, made me cry. One entry, infuriated me...  

“In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can’t build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery, and death. I see the world gradually being turned into a wilderness, I hear the ever approaching thunder, which will destroy us too, I can feel the sufferings of millions and yet, if I look up into the heavens, I think that it will all come right, that this cruelty too will end, and that peace and tranquility will return again.” 

Huh?! Did she forget about being forced to leave her home? Was she not aware that people were trying to kill her and her family and in the most horrific, unspeakable manner possible, simply for being Jewish?  Was she okay with living in hiding because of people's cruelty and hatred? How could she write such a crazy thing?!

I didn’t realize it then, but that entry in Anne's journal would become/is forever etched on my heart. If Anne could see goodness in the midst of her experience, what was my excuse for not? So I started looking... for goodness.

From that moment on, I began to see goodness and beauty where before there was only darkness. A little at first, and then more, and still more. Then I began showing, or at least trying to show, others the goodness that I was seeing. And my life has been filled with joyful, once-in-a lifetime experiences that might have gone unnoticed, including friendships with some pretty amazing people from all over the world through whom I’ve learned that most people really are good at heart or want to be.

I've encountered a few challenges that threatened to send me back to seeing only darkness. And I am not indifferent to pain and suffering that occurs in the world. No one with a conscious is. Yet, it is Anne’s words I hear from deep within my spirit that restore my peace whenever I learn of some tragic event—a terrorist attack by pseudo-religious groups; a mass shooting; rape, torture or genocide committed or sanctioned by leaders of governments—or whenever I have experienced some personal trauma due to others' malevolence. For instance, the morning, 11 years ago, when I received news that my nephew whom I loved dearly had been murdered, or a few years later when I was carjacked.

“In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.”

And just as surely as the sun rises each morning, the universe proves that me and Anne are right to believe so. Following every news report of some act of violence or hatred somewhere, countless other stories emerge of heroism, random acts of kindness, and demonstrations of love and compassion.

I am still astonished by the outpouring of love, compassion and kindness I experienced in the aftermath of my own brushes with violence and hatefulness. People I didn’t know reached out to help me, and in the case of my nephew’s murder, to help my family, especially the daughter he left behind.

So, in spite of everything you may be hearing on the news about what a hot mess the world is in and how we’re on the verge of disaster, know this: it's only part of the story. Goodness, beauty, and kindness are all around you—just look.

Whatever you give your attention to, grows.

Want more proof? Here's another story that confirms there are still a lot of good people in the world and when things get bad, they will and do come forward.

So Let It Be Written

I wish that I could say today’s blog is self-inspired. It is not. It is inspired, again, by an email I received from Kat Laterzo, a woman who writes a business and self-development blog for the not-faint-of-heart.

“So if you want CHANGE?
Big f'ing positive change, change that makes your head spin and leaves you BREATHLESS with how awesome your life IS?
Write that s#*t down. Again. And again. And again. And again.
Until you believe it.
Until you are living it.
Until you ARE it, and it is you.” 

"I know, I know," I thought as I read the message. I know how powerful words are. I believe they have power to heal or to wound; to create or to destroy. I have been healed by and have healed others with them. I have been wounded by and wounded others with them.

Philosophers and poets, clergy and laity, political leaders and ordinary citizens have contemplated for generations the power of the written word: mightier than the sword it is. “We hold these truths to be self-evident…,” wrote Thomas Jefferson and a nation was born. “And the just shall live by faith…” wrote Martin Luther in his 95 Theses, left taped to the door of the Castle Church in Wittenberg, and ignited a religious reformation.

I fully believe that “life and death” are in the power of our words. Spoken or written, words are not to be taken lightly. Knowing their power, I set an intention at the beginning of this year to use them more judiciously when spoken and written. Taped to my closet door, which is the first thing I see upon rising each morning, is the message “Don’t want it; don’t say it.” And yet, I have lately been a bit careless with my words some days—majorly careless on some others as if forgetting the warning that “every idle word spoken” will be made manifest.

I've been writing in journals for years now. Some are plain, some are really fancy notebooks filled with notes about how wonderful my life is and how grateful I am for my loving family and friends along with the sun, the moon, the rain, the snow, birds, trees...(Did you notice the solar eclipse this evening? What an amazing sight!) I'm certain that's why I've attracted so many wonderful experiences into my life. I'm also certain my occasional carelessly spoken and written words are, at least partly, responsible for some of the less than pleasing experiences.

Nevertheless, I believe that I can overcome the effect of words spoken out of anger, frustration, fear, anxiety, or sheer carelessness with loving, healing, life affirming ones. I remain committed to using my power in the best way possible to create a life filled with abundant health, joy, peace, love, wealth, laughter, and every other good thing I can imagine.

You want it? Write it, speak it, chant it, sing it. Let your every thought, word, and feeling empower you and propel you toward your dreams. Write your vision. Put it where you can see it, and speak it aloud daily until it’s imprinted in your heart and drives every action you take, every decision you make. Ignite your own personal reformation. I’m off to write my vision now.

Namaste

Remember to reach for the moon. Even if you don't get there, you'll still be among the stars!

I Was Born for Greatness; So Were You

This blog is an interesting one for me to write. Tooting my own horn, so to speak, is not something I’m accustomed to, or comfortable, doing. Yet here I sit at my computer inspired to do exactly that today. As one of my mentor’s once told me: “If anyone is going to think you’re great, it might as well be you.”

Earlier I received an email from a woman named Kat Loterzo who helps other women realize the power within themselves to live the lives they dream about, whatever those dreams may be. In her email she writes: You KNOW you were born for more. And, she’s absolutely right. She is absolutely freakin' right! I know it. I’ve always known it. (At least part of me has always known it.)

I am realizing it’s that seed of greatness in me that causes me to become disquieted, agitated, and sometimes outright angry when I’m playing it small and trying to fit in—trying to live by other people’s expectations, rules and the limits they place on themselves, and indirectly me. After all, among the many things we have in common as humans is our deep desire/need to be loved and accepted and at some point in our life—likely between birth and age 7—we learned that love and acceptance is conditional upon our being like others and doing what we’re told or what is expected. So we do. Yet the seed to be more remains.

It’s that seed of greatness that causes me to want to scream out loud like a woman trapped in a small, cramped space, for seemingly no reason. It’s my spirit trying to get my attention. On the surface, all may appear to be going well by societal standards, yet she wants me to know that she’s feeling confined, claustrophobic—that she longs to do more, be more, have more, experience more. She wants to be released to live the life she dreams about. She wants to experience in reality what she’s experiencing in her imagination. She wants to experience financial freedom; nurturing, loving, empowering relationships; a strong, healthy body; a life filled with passion and purpose; control over how she spends her time; a home along the water; freedom to choose her destiny; and more, so much more. And she can. The only one really stopping her is... ME.

I was born for more. I was born for greatness; all of us were. We were born to solve a problem that only we can solve, to have an impact on the world that only we can. Each one of us has the capacity within to be geniuses, great leaders, great artists, healers, or world transformers. It is why so many of us are disquieted with our jobs, our relationships, our homes, our governments, our lives. It’s why many of us experience stress, depression, and other health issues. Our spirits are trying to get our attention. We look for a savior outside of ourselves, but that savior is already within. Our spirits know that we are infinite beings capable of achieving far more than we've allowed ourselves to imagine. Our spirits are trying to tell us: “You were born for more.”

So, I'm going for the more, and I encourage you to do the same. Allow yourself to be all that you are capable of being and doing all that you are capable of doing, no matter what anyone else thinks. Silence the fearful child within by letting him or her know it’s okay to be fully you. Whatever it is you’re desiring, whatever it is you’ve been dreaming, go after it—one step, one day at a time. Become obsessed by it and dare to step into your greatness. If not now, then when?


"If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place." - Nora Roberts

"...if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours..."  - Henry D. Thoreau

What Do You Know?

Here's a thought for you to ponder that may also mess with your mind for a day, or two, or ten....

I only know that I do not really know anything. And since I do not really know anything, I am free to choose what it is I know.

Just think about it.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

Because some days you just have to choose to be happy! If you're having one of those days, here's something that will help to put a smile on your face and one in your heart where it counts most.

Courtesy of Bobby McFerrin: Don't Worry, Be Happy!

                               

Dance like nobody's watching. Love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening. Live like it's heaven on earth.

Edgy? Moi?!

I took a personality test today. Someone sent it to me via email and since there wasn't much else for me to do given there's about a foot plus of snow on the ground outside and no buses are running, I figured why not. (Then again, snow angels are always fun!)

I find personality assessments to be useful tools for understanding my psyche. I am careful to not let them limit me in any way, yet I appreciate any tool that can help me grow and become more of who I want to become. I have found that personality tests offer helpful guidance along those lines. I've used them to gain insight about how I make decisions or process information. I've also used them to help me assess the types of learning or work environments I'm best suited for, or even the best career options. I remember taking one such test about two years ago—required for my job—that provided insight into how I work as part of team. One aspect of my character it aptly identified is that I don't tolerate fools well. Needless to say, I'm no longer at that job!

Anyhoo... today's test was a bit more fun. It identified your five dominant personality traits—the ones that stand out to others when they get to know you. After answering about 20 questions, here are mine:

Edgy, experimental, open-minded, artistic, and intuitive.

Edgy? What a curious word to describe me. I had to look it up. One definition reads: tense, nervous, irritable. Another reads: at the forefront of a trend; experimental or avant-garde.

According to the Free Dictionary, edgy can also mean: Having a sharp or biting edge: an edgy wit; or daring, provocative, and trend-setting.

The Urban Dictionary defines edgy as the act of thinking that one is cool. And among the many synonyms I found for edgy were these: cutting-edge, on-the-edge, fringe, avant-garde, innovative, original, offbeat; gritty.

Edgy? Well, if by edgy, this assessment means cool, cutting-edge, avant-garde, trend-setting, or just plain original, I'm totally okay with being that. In fact, I intend to fully embrace and explore my edginess. Why the heck not? After all, it's the cutting-edge people who have dared to create their own style and their own rules, who have had the biggest impact on the world.

I Declare—2016 My Year of Abundance

to declare (v) - say something in a solemn and emphatic manner; acknowledge possession of; to make known or state clearly, especially in explicit or formal terms; to manifest, reveal, show; to proclaim.

It's 13 days into 2016, and while I set a clear intention on day one about the type of year I desired to experience, I think I need to shake things up a bit by openly declaring what I would like to transpire this year. To quote Joel Osteen: "You've got to send your words out in the direction you want your life to go."

So, I am sending my words forth into cyberspace and the universe:

I emphatically declare that this year, 2016, is my year of abundance! I will live the promise of an abundant life in every possible area. I aim to experience abundant joy, abundant peace, abundant love, abundant laughter, abundant health, and abundant wealth! I will take inspired action in the direction of my dreams, seek wise counsel, express gratitude daily, and be amazed at how heaven moves on my behalf. This year will be my best ever.

And yours too. Just declare it, and watch all of heaven move to make it so!


"...when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." - From The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho