On This Memorial Day

"Memories, memories,

Sweet, sweet memories.

That make me sad.

They take me back

To you."

Memories by The Temptations

Motown © 1975

The first time I remember hearing this song was just a few months after my little brother Stephen died. He was only four. It would be about 15 years or so before I could listen to this song without crying. (Although, I still cry occasionally when hearing it.) That was a dark, painful time in my family's life and the first time I had experienced the death of a loved one. I still remember as if it were yesterday: My father saying that Stephen would not be coming home from the hospital "this time"; all the people stopping by our house to drop off food; me and my younger sister being swept away to our Godsister's home; hearing my mother scream, and then watching her collapse to the sidewalk as we approached the front door of the funeral home where my brother's wake was held. I also recall seeing my father cry for the first time. A tall, imposing, and somewhat fearsome looking man—at least to me at age nine—he approached the church podium during the funeral to speak, but broke down in heaving sobs instead.

I was an adult before I could think about my brother without tears. But it was a relief to finally be able to smile, and even laugh, when remembering our brief time together: Our first trip to Disney World; helping him ride his Big Wheel; the way he laughed every time the Pappy Parker Fried Chicken commercial came on TV; getting in trouble for using our beds as trampolines; getting in serious trouble when he decided to pour talcum powder all over my parents' bedroom.

It's been many years ago since my brother died. I still miss him and think about him often as I do the many others I've mourned since. Overcoming grief due to the death of a loved one is not an easy process no matter how many times you've experienced it. It's not even something that God intended for man to endure. (Death was not part of His original plan. He's calls it an enemy, which is why Jesus wept at Lazarus' tomb.) Still, with God's grace and the support of friends and other family members, we get through it. And in time, we even come to cherish our memories of times spent together knowing that in some way our loved ones are still with us.

"...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." - Psalm 30:5