My Tomorrow is Not the Same as My Today

I love when the Universe sends me messages to let me know it’s listening to me. At least that’s what I choose to believe: that the Universe listens.

Tonight just before going to bed I decided to listen to an “I Am” meditation that someone had sent me as a gift. It was very brief, just slightly longer than three minutes. Although I was listening to it from my main iTunes library rather than my meditation playlist, I was startled when the meditation ended and the next “song” I heard wasn't another meditation but “Hold On” by Kansas. Wow!

I haven't heard the song in a very long while. At first I was confused about why it was the next song to play. It doesn't immediately follow the "I Am" meditation in the main list, and my playlists and the library is usually set to play songs in the order that they are listed. However, I noticed tonight the shuffle button was highlighted.

Since I intended to listen only to the meditation before retiring, I immediately turned off the Kansas song, but then had this sense I needed to listen to it. So, I did—

"Look in the mirror and tell me just what you see.
What have the years of your life taught you to be.
Innocence dyin' in so many ways.
Things that you dream of are lost, lost in the haze.

"Hold on, Baby Hold on.
'Cause it's closer than you think and you're standing on the brink.
Hold on, Baby Hold on.
'Cause there's something on the way.
Your tomorrow's not the same as today." ¹

Thanks, Universe! It was exactly the message I needed to hear tonight.

As I noted in a previous post, 2016 has at times felt a lot like the “year from hell” for me and I gather quite a few others if YouTube videos and news reports are to be trusted. I know that I am highly capable of accomplishing anything I set my mind to, but honestly this year tested my resilience and confidence in myself to the extreme limit. As the year winds down, it is challenging for me to look back over the past 12 months and not feel disappointed with myself and what I am currently experiencing in my life. It’s also challenging not to feel stuck when your mind begins to fixate on all the mistakes you’ve made, and you believe (wrongly) your future is completely screwed because of all the mistakes of your past.

As I look around me, I am certain that my current experience is not one that I intended to create for myself. I had something far grander in mind. Yet, I also know that too many times this year I allowed fear to make my decisions, short-circuiting my goals and dreams just as they were on the brink of coming into fruition. If your goal is to be successful and live a life beyond your wildest imaginations, fear-based decisions and actions will not get you there.

Anyway, I am determined to persevere in spite of, which is why I chose to listen to the “I am” meditation tonight before sleeping—to help lift my spirits, remind me of who I am, and of what I am capable. As author Wayne Dyer wrote in “Wishes Fulfilled” and stressed in many of his lectures, the last five minutes before you fall asleep are the most important minutes of your day. You can squander those five minutes before sleep reviewing all the things you didn’t like about your day, all the things that didn’t work, and all the stuff that’s going on with your life that you're unhappy about, setting yourself up for more of the same the next day. Or, you can use them to help create more of what you prefer to experience by focusing on your dreams, your goals, the people you love, and things you do enjoy about your life. I decided to go the latter route. Neither my past nor my present circumstances determine my future, unless I choose for them to.

"Outside your door he is waiting, waiting for you.
Sooner or later you know he's got to get through.
No hesitation and no holding back.
Let it all go and you'll know you're on the right track."

"Hold on, Baby Hold on.
'Cause it's closer than you think and you're standing on the brink.
Hold on, Baby Hold on.
'Cause there's something on the way.
Your tomorrow's not the same as today." ¹

---

¹ 1Written by Kerry Livgren • Copyright © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

So what, I’m still a Rockstar!!

“‘I am the greatest.’ I said that even before I knew I was.” - Muhammad Ali

I was feeling in a bit of a funk yesterday. Not sure why. Maybe there wasn’t even a reason why. I just woke up feeling kind of blah and as the day progressed, despite my best efforts to “go to my happy place,” I just couldn’t quite seem to get a better feeling place.

I suppose life is like that sometimes. We have days where we’re feeling on top of the world, as if all the planets, the sun and the moon are perfectly aligned and our day is turning out exactly as we want or planned it, and other days where we feel like we just want to stay in bed with the covers pulled over our heads. Those days where it seems nothing is working, or very little, and our “to do” lists and intentions get blown to hell. We're stressing over bad hair, or being bloated, or our tech toys not functioning properly, or our bank accounts—especially this time of year. I wasn’t full-on having one of those days yesterday; but, I still felt kind of blah.

After trying numerous tools in my feel-good tool box to feel better—walking, meditating, happy videos, even demanding myself to feel better—I decided to call it an early night, earlier than my usual night. However, just before I closed my eyes to sleep, I set an intention that “tomorrow will be better. I will wake up feeling great.”

I am feeling better today. In fact, I woke up feeling better than I did yesterday, and as I headed out for a walk after eating showering and eating breakfast, the lyrics to Pink’s “So What” popped into my head.

So what, I’m still a rock star, I got my rock moves.

“Heck yeah,” I thought. “That’s me!”

Quite honestly today wasn’t very much different from yesterday other how I’m feeling. And maybe, just maybe the only reason for me feeling so blah yesterday was that I forgotten my rock star status.

Great days, good days, bad days, bad hair days, blah days, I’m still a rock star!

It's a Good Year

"Our seedtime is that moment in time when you and I react to anything in this world. It may be to an object, it may be to an individual, it may be to a bit of news that we have overheard, but the moment of reaction, that emotional response, is our attitude. Our attitudes are the seed times of life, and although we may not remember the seedtime or the moment of response, nature never forgets, and when it suddenly appears in our world…” – Neville Goddard

My sister just sent me a text about the death of actor Alan Thicke, most well-known for his role as the dad on Growing Pains. “2016 strikes again,” she wrote. My deepest condolences to his family and friends.

As this year comes to a close, I've lost track of all the times I've heard others refer to 2016 as the year of "hell." I've said it myself. And I suppose at first, or last, glance, 2016 is deserving of its reputation as a "hell of a year" as a lot of really crazy sh@@t happened this year, depending on how one defines such. The year certainly offered numerous shocking events and situations that might cause some to judge the year as chaotic, confusing, discordant, heartbreaking, or even tragic. Even the most optimistic in the positive thinking/LOA communities have bemoaned the year for numerous reasons, suggesting that dimensional shifts and unusual planetary alignments designed to uproot our collective deep-seated darkness so it can be healed is responsible for creating all the upheaval and turmoil.

But what if the truth is that 2016 wasn't really any different from any other year? Celebrities, politicians, heads of states, and regular folks die during the course of every year—that’s a given. Chaotic, confusing, discordant, heartbreaking, and tumultuous events and circumstances also occur with regularity during any year, depending on how you perceive what’s happening around you. And individuals and groups have been committing hostile, divisive, and hateful acts since Cain slew Abel. The only constant about reality on planet earth is that change is inevitable; some changes we might welcome and some, not so much.

Still, could it be that the challenges, upheaval, unpleasant events, etc., that occurred during 2016 weren’t the result of some mysterious energetic or dimensional shift, cosmic forces, or even a vengeful God preparing to exact judgment on His creation?

Could it be that the significance many of us have attached to 2016 is unwarranted and that it is just a year like any other, a measurement of the orbital period of the Earth moving in its orbit around the Sun, but our collective (or individual) choice during this particular orbital period to focus ad nauseam on the "craziness"—the chaos, confusion, heartbreak, discord, division—via the news, social media, and coffee-shop conversations, made it seem more significant, more challenging?

"If you believe in the horrors of the world as they are given to you in the paper and on television, your belief causes the horrors to continue." – Neville Goddard 

One thing I’ve learned through the teachings of Neville Goddard is that which we focus on continually and give our emotional energy to, we will continually create into our reality—in some form or another. If we daily focus our attention on the mayhem, turmoil, and chaos happening in the world, and react to it, we will experience more of the same in the world and in our own lives. In other words, you only notice what you’re focused on noticing.

Some years ago I bought a Toyota Highlander. In the years before I bought it, I don’t recall ever seeing a Highlander on the street. In fact, when it was suggested to me that I buy one, I searched for information about it via Google because I hadn't heard of a Highlander before and knew nothing about it. Several months after buying one, I “suddenly” started seeing Highlanders everywhere, still do. What this shows me is that for all the craziness I, and others, chose to fixate upon in 2016, there are likely other events, more pleasant and positive events that I missed or that faded from my attention, which if I had focused on those might very well have opened up the possibility for me to experience even more pleasant and desired situations.

With 18 days remaining in 2016, it’s not too late. It’s never too late as long as you still have breath in your body to transform your circumstances, experiences, life.

Stuff happens all day, every day. What you focus on and give your emotional energy to is your choice. So, if 2016 hasn’t turned out quite the way you had hoped—if your dreams didn’t manifest as you intended and you got distracted by the crazy—don’t blame the year, the moon, the planets, or anything outside of yourself, just shift your focus to whatever thoughts, news, or images fill your heart with joy. Whatever you focus on expands.

...if you can believe and persuade yourself that things are as you want them to be to the point of actually moving into the feeling they are true, they will be felt and seen in your world. – Neville Goddard

Setting My Face Like a Flint–Closing Out 2016 Strong

And the Lord Jehovah giveth help to me, Therefore I have not been ashamed, Therefore I have set my face as a flint, And I know that I am not ashamed. Isaiah 50:7 (Young’s Literal Translation)

I’m feeling both calm and anxious at this very moment. As I sit at my parents’ home, I am grateful that all is mostly quiet, except for the “whale” song playing in the background. It seems to calm and/or relax my dad. Although it creeped me out at first, I’ve grown used to it and find it strangely calming also.

As 2016 winds down, I could spend a lot of time and energy trying to figure out how I got into the present situation in which I find myself—living in the basement of a friend of my sister-in-law after selling my condo to help get out from under significant debt. It certainly isn’t where I want or imagined I would be as 2016 comes to a close—but I would much rather spend my time and energy now imagining next steps to get me to where it is I intend to be: living in great abundance, happiness, and health, surrounded by a loving, supportive and ambitious tribe of people who don’t just think but live outside the box. In fact, for us there is no box.

I listened yesterday to an interesting podcast from motivational guru Tony Robbins where he focused on the three keys to a breakthrough:

1. State. Your thoughts and feelings.
2. Story. What you say about yourself. For most of us, it's the BS excuses we have for living mediocre lives.
3. Strategy. The steps you take to get you to specific outcomes.

Again today I came across another blogger whose name I don’t recall, but who follows Neville Goddard’s teachings, and he reiterated the value of changing your state and corresponding story before even considering changing your strategy.

I could easily, I suppose, as many people I know are doing call 2016 a bust as year’s go, but it isn’t over yet. Instead I’ve decided to play this year out until the end believing that anything is possible. Things could totally turnaround overnight. In fact, I’m counting on it. I've experienced some of my best, most miraculous moments under pressure—when all seemed hopeless. I simply have to move beyond the fear and the doubt that’s been plaguing me for several months. I intend to move beyond it, whatever it takes.

There is and will always be a warrior within who doesn’t give up, doesn’t quit, doesn’t take down. There is a warrior within who knows with every aspect of her being that the challenges of life are not overcome necessarily by the strongest, or the swiftest, or the smartest, or the most well-connected, but by the ones who endure always to the end. Or, as Tony Robbins might say “the ones most hungry to win.”

I am hungry, voracious might be the better word, and decidedly determined to end 2016 on a high note. I am also determined to trust myself and know that all the answers and solutions I need right now are already within.

“I have set my face like a flint….,” said the prophet Isaiah, and so say I. I looked it up. Flint is an extremely hard stone, a variety of quartz, often used to strike fires. The beauty in taking full responsibility for your life—the good and the not-so-great—is knowing that the same creative power you used to burn it to the ground can be used to rebuild it better than ever.

I will do whatever I need to in order to be who I want to be, have what I want to have, and do what I want to do, beginning with changing my state—my thoughts and feelings—and my story. “Once upon a time there was a woman who used to be… , but now is …”

Mindset is everything.

Two Days Before Thanksgiving

It’s two days before Thanksgiving, that time of year where we’re reminded to count the many blessings that we’ve received throughout the year, even our lifetime. I’m feeling a bit like an emotional wreck, yet I persevere.

It has felt like a tough few days of taking care of my parents and packing to move out of my home of 20 years. And today, I attended the funeral service of my sister-in-law’s brother. He wasn’t much older than me, which I hadn’t realized, although I’ve known him since I was about 9 or 10 years old. I always liked him a lot. He was genuinely kind and generous, and rather funny. He seemed to enjoy taking care of people. I learned today he was a Virgo, so that makes sense.

My sister-in-law and he were deeply devoted to each other. In fact, she spent the last few weeks of his life driving about 30 miles back and forth to his home to help care for him and was at his side when he died.

Sitting in the very large and elaborately decorated sanctuary of the Catholic church where his services were held this morning, I was reminded of how quickly our reality can change, sometimes in ways we don’t want. It was just a few months ago, my sister-in-law was sharing with me her brother’s excitement about meeting Pope Francis this year when he visited the city and the church where he worked. With only 38 days remaining in this year, I spent my morning sitting in the same church with her brother's family, co-workers, and friends celebrating his life and saying our final “good-byes.”

I was not only struck by the beauty and elegance of the church with its high cathedral ceilings and stained glass, statues and pictures of Jesus and the saints everywhere—as a graduate of Catholic high school and having a great appreciation for Renaissance art, I’m always impressed by the architecture and décor of Catholic churches—I was also struck by the majesty and beauty of the funeral mass, and the warm, loving, and encouraging words spoken by the priest who knew him well. He spoke of his great love for his family and friends and of his commitment to serving the parishioners of his church, always with a smile. He told of how her brother always went out of his way to encourage and help someone because he believed in uplifting people.

As I looked at my sister-in-law, I could see and feel the sorrow in her heart. I wanted to do something for her, but what is there really to do or say at such a moment? Today, she was burying her brother whom she loved deeply and had cared for and he had cared for her. They expected to grow old together, to share many more laughs at cookouts and family dinners, and have more time to talk trash to each other while playing cards. What could one possibly say or do other than be present? There really are no words that provide comfort. No words that stop the "why's," "what if's," and "if only's" from flooding your mind. Having twice experienced a similar loss—the deaths of both my youngest and oldest brother—I could say that I understand her grief, but it isn't true, not really. Feelings of grief and sorrow are very personal. Yet remembering what I felt when my brothers died, my heart felt broken for my sister-in-law going through it now.

My heart felt broken also for his wife who was willing to do whatever it took, pay any amount of money, to spend another Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s and all the days in between and thereafter with the man she loved. I can relate to this, yet cannot claim to understand her grief either. I do know that feeling of being willing to do whatever it takes, pay whatever it costs to be with the one you love. Love can be that powerful you want it to last forever, or as long as you can make it last, and are willing to sacrifice all for it, if necessary.

Seated with my sister and grand-niece, my mind wandered to the last time I was in a church with my sister-in-law for a funeral service. Eleven years ago, we sat in a different church to say “good-bye” to her son, my nephew. My grand-niece now seated next to me was seated next to her then to say “good-bye” to a father she had barely had the opportunity to know. More heartbreak that no words could ease. Only time, perhaps, and the joy of caring for the now nearly adult daughter he gifted her with.

It's two days before Thanksgiving, and I know there’s much for me to be grateful for. I know this. In spite of how I'm feeling right now and all the challenges I’ve faced this year—the setbacks and disappointments—I am alive and, at least until the end of the month, have a roof over my head and a comfortable, warm bed to sleep in. I have a family who loves me and helpful neighbors. I’m able to hear and see and walk without assistance. I have money in the bank, clothes, food, and my funky purple laptop to post my thoughts to this blog. Tomorrow I’m going to spend part of my day packing and part of my day with my grand-niece and grand-nephew, both of whom are home from their respective colleges. I am grateful to be able to do that.

I am also grateful for the courage, humor, and hope that my sister-in-law’s brother showed me is possible, during even the most dire and frightening of circumstances. No one may ever know or understand why he succumbed to the disease that he’d been fighting so hard for several months to overcome, but fight he did for his life, for his sake and the sake of those he loved. I believe he had much he was grateful for and wanted to live for—his family, his friends, his work/calling—and more dreams yet to fulfill, more lives to impact. He fought as best he could for another day, and another, and another to be with those he loved and see more of his dreams realized. We who still live should do likewise.

"Don't count the days; make the days count." - Muhammad Ali

What Would Jesus Really Do?

“He Himself took our infirmities And bore our sicknesses.” - Matthew 8:17

I am not your typical Christian, and I do still consider myself Christian although I haven’t been to church in more than three years. I am absolutely, I think, of the heretical variety at least according to the teachings you hear espoused in a many American churches today. I’m okay with that. If I am honest with myself and with others, what I am at my core is a seeker—a seeker of truth, a seeker of wisdom, a seeker of understanding.

Tonight, I write this from my parents’ home. They require 24/7 care, at least at this moment, and it’s my night to sit with them. My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s related dementia about three years ago. A few months ago, he fell while walking down the stairs in his home. In addition to a broken elbow, which has now healed, he’s has since demonstrated significant changes in cognitive function that no one in the medical profession has been able to clearly explain to us. My mother also shows signs of dementia related to a benign brain tumor that occasionally also causes seizures because of its position in the brain. Caring for them has proved to be both physically and emotionally exhausting for me and my siblings.

Some years ago, can’t recall how many, there was this huge, highly popular “What would Jesus do?” movement in churches across America, maybe even outside of America. The idea behind it was to encourage Christians to be more Christ-like by considering whether their actions and words were aligned with what Jesus would do or say, and then to act or speak, accordingly. How would Jesus treat the homeless person asking Him for money? How would he treat his colleagues at work? Would Jesus start or engage in an argument with his spouse or children? Would He curse the driver who just cut him off on the highway? Would He be caught throwing back a few beers at the local tavern with his buddies? I’m sure you’re starting to get the point of this exercise in mindfulness, except I think whoever started this movement and those who followed it may have missed the point of what Jesus actually came here to do.

As I sat in the chair by my father’s bed after giving him something to drink, I found myself asking the question: What would Jesus really do? What would Jesus do if He were here, right now in the flesh, in my parents’ home? What would he do after he entered their home and noticed my father in a hospital bed in what used to the be the dining room, uncertain of where he is, who I am, or even who he is? How would he respond to my father's difficulty  to complete a single, coherent sentence? Would Jesus walk over and fluff my father’s bed pillows to make him more comfortable in his bed? Would he sit down quietly beside my father and hold his hand? Would he try to encourage him with words like: “The Father loves you and understands what you’re going through. It will all be alright; there’s a great reward waiting for you in heaven.”

What would Jesus do if he took a walk upstairs to my mother’s room where he would find her blurting out random words and phrases uncontrollably, or complaining that she can’t sit up to properly eat her food, or can't even swallow her food? Would he offer her some more water to quench her imaginary thirst? Would he, feeling compassion for her condition, attempt to reassure with words that everything is okay, after all the Father knows all her troubles?

Let’s assume that the stories in at least two of the Gospels are eye-witness accounts of actual events that occurred, what would Jesus do, really? Perhaps, he might do what he did when he entered Peter’s home and found his mother-in-law sick with fever. Upon entering my parents’ home, he’d walk toward my dad and gently place one hand on my father’s head and the other on his heart, and immediately my father’s body would be restored to a state of perfect health. And then, he and my father might share a quick meal together before heading upstairs to visit with my mother where Jesus would declare to her with firm, yet tender authority: “Woman, you are set free.” She, too, would immediately be restored to a state of perfect health and soundness of mind, and offer Jesus a drink of water.

I closed my eyes for just a moment to imagine this. I closed them again and remembered that Scripture says Jesus and I are one.

So, I set about doing what Jesus would do. Moments later, my father awakens and I ask if he’d like something to eat or drink. He responds coherently that he would like something to eat. Earlier in the day, he’d refused both lunch and dinner—such behavior is a common symptom of dementia, according to my father's doctors.

Does this mean that my father is healed? I am certainly encouraged. The way I figure it, I owe it my parents and myself to begin exercising the mustard seed faith Jesus spoke of and believe that like him I, too, can be a vessel of healing.

"And when Jesus went out He saw a great multitude; and He was moved with compassion for them, and healed their sick." - Matthew 14:14 

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today's my birthday and to say that I woke up feeling a bit depressed would be a gross understatement. I honestly awoke this morning feeling near suicidal! Welcome to my world....

I was somewhere I didn't really want to be having spent the evening before, and the previous few days, fulfilling a responsibility I wish to high heaven I didn't have to for my sake and that of my parents. Sounds selfish, even feels selfish, but I felt trapped, like a caged bird—desperate to take flight, explore the world and the infinite space among the clouds if only I could get out of this cage. It was easier six years ago when this all began, helping to care for my parents, but their needs have changed and my life has suffered in ways I couldn't have even imagined.

Have you ever heard that saying that God doesn't put on us more than we can bear? Well, I say BS. This is too much!!

And so this morning I awoke, crying, which curiously is how I fell asleep. My brother called to wish me "Happy Birthday," and I struggled to hold back the tears as I thought of my current situation on all fronts—personally, financially, professionally, physically, and emotionally.

My niece sent me a birthday IM. I shared with her a little of my pain, which made me feel a bit better. Her words of encouragement even a little more.

After summoning the strength to finish getting dressed, I then set the intention to find some way to enjoy my special day, or rather, choose to experience joy. Moment by moment throughout the day, even as the tears still came and I let them, I determined to lay aside stressful, worried, anxious, and fearful thoughts and frustrations, if only for today. It wasn't easy. A phone call from my realtor with less than good news immediately triggered me, and I could hear the voices in my head condemning me for my latest disaster and screw up.

But it's my birthday. This is the one day I should be allowed to enjoy—the one day in which I experience wonderful things happening. The one day where everything in the cosmos align to show me love. The one day I'm free to celebrate me!

So, I enjoyed my free ice cream courtesy of Baskins Robbins. I enjoyed my free frappucino courtesy of Starbucks. I enjoyed a really nice Mediterranean salad and even had some popcorn—a rare treat. I was overwhelmed by the tons of lovely birthday wishes and blessings I received in the form of texts and Facebook posts!! I relaxed with a few good reads and slowly began to realize that I had not only stopped crying, but I was actually smiling and feeling happy.

It was then I decided that I have the right to experience joy every day and that today really is my birth day as I am choosing this day to mark the beginning of a new, exciting, happier, and more fulfilling life. I am fully committing to being who I choose to be, going after what I want, doing the things that I enjoy, and living life on my terms without apology. This bird is breaking free of her cage and all the limitations it's imposed.