On This Memorial Day

"Memories, memories,

Sweet, sweet memories.

That make me sad.

They take me back

To you."

Memories by The Temptations

Motown © 1975

The first time I remember hearing this song was just a few months after my little brother Stephen died. He was only four. It would be about 15 years or so before I could listen to this song without crying. (Although, I still cry occasionally when hearing it.) That was a dark, painful time in my family's life and the first time I had experienced the death of a loved one. I still remember as if it were yesterday: My father saying that Stephen would not be coming home from the hospital "this time"; all the people stopping by our house to drop off food; me and my younger sister being swept away to our Godsister's home; hearing my mother scream, and then watching her collapse to the sidewalk as we approached the front door of the funeral home where my brother's wake was held. I also recall seeing my father cry for the first time. A tall, imposing, and somewhat fearsome looking man—at least to me at age nine—he approached the church podium during the funeral to speak, but broke down in heaving sobs instead.

I was an adult before I could think about my brother without tears. But it was a relief to finally be able to smile, and even laugh, when remembering our brief time together: Our first trip to Disney World; helping him ride his Big Wheel; the way he laughed every time the Pappy Parker Fried Chicken commercial came on TV; getting in trouble for using our beds as trampolines; getting in serious trouble when he decided to pour talcum powder all over my parents' bedroom.

It's been many years ago since my brother died. I still miss him and think about him often as I do the many others I've mourned since. Overcoming grief due to the death of a loved one is not an easy process no matter how many times you've experienced it. It's not even something that God intended for man to endure. (Death was not part of His original plan. He's calls it an enemy, which is why Jesus wept at Lazarus' tomb.) Still, with God's grace and the support of friends and other family members, we get through it. And in time, we even come to cherish our memories of times spent together knowing that in some way our loved ones are still with us.

"...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." - Psalm 30:5

Who Am I?

I love musicals. How could I not? They combine my two primary passions: singing and dancing. (According to my mother, I learned to sing before I could talk. Not entirely a good thing as it cost me six years in speech therapy. But thank Jesus my speech is fine now.) One of my favorite musicals is "A Chorus Line." I was a teenager when my older sister introduced me to it. I used to know every word to every song and would spend hours "rehearsing" the songs and dance routines in my basement (being careful to skip some of the "dirty" words if my parents were home. I said a curse word once when I was five and my mother literally washed my mouth out with soap!). One number from the musical that particularly resonated with me then—and has been on my mind lately—is "I Hope I Get It." I would sing the end of the song over and over again, almost like a prayer:

Who am I anyway?
Am I my resume?
That is a picture of a person I don't know.

It makes perfect sense—I was a teenager wanting to know who she was. For most of us, it's during our teen years when we start trying to figure out who we are and who we are to become. Our bodies are changing, our minds are maturing, and we're asked to seriously consider the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?".  By the time I reached my twenties, I was sure I had the answer to the question of "Who am I?" all figured out. By the time I reached my mid-thirties, I realized how very clueless I was. It was then that I came to know Christ who began revealing to me who I am by revealing to me who He is. I wish I could say that I was a quick study in this regard, but it's taken several years of Jesus patiently helping me to unravel the mystery through His Word, through His prophets and ministers, through circumstances and experiences, through friends and family, even through enemies.

I am spirit. I was created in the image and likeness of God who is Spirit to live in fellowship with Him. I am not my job. I am not my possessions. I am not my education. I am not my mistakes or my successes. I am not my race or gender. I am not the image I see in the mirror.

It may not appear to me or to others that I am more than flesh and blood, but who can argue with God. (I do try sometimes, but He always wins!) Lately, He's been showing me that if I limit myself to being solely flesh and blood, then I limit what He is able to do in and through me. When I can hold fast to the truth that I am spirit seated with Him in heavenly places and that His Spirit now also dwells in me, then He is "able to do exceeding abundantly above all that I could ask or think." (Ephesians 3:20)

My God is Awesome!

I promised when I found the second song that inspired me on Easter Sunday I would share. So here it is: Awesome.

Almighty. Holy. Provider. Deliverer. Protector. My God is truly awesome!

To Be Fully Known

I am a woman with a story. It has some good bits, some sad bits, some tragic bits, and some miraculous bits. To know my story is to know me. Each of us has a story—a history, a tapestry of experiences that helped to shape who we are at this moment. One piece of sage advice passed on to me from my mother (she attained it from my great grandfather) is that "if you really want to know a person, you must find out their story."

Most of us want to share our stories and in essence ourselves, especially with the people we care about. To be fully known, understood and accepted is the deepest desire of every man's and woman's heart. But here's the rub: none of us is capable of completely fulfilling this need for another nor were we created to. That emptiness you feel in your heart from time to time when it seems that your friends, parents, spouse, siblings, whoever, just don't get you—that they simply cannot see all that's in your soul—it's intended to be divinely filled by the One who created you from the foundations of the earth. In Him you can be fully known.

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar. 
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways. 
Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.
- Psalm 139:1-4 (NIV)

I Am Grateful

I am grateful, Lord, for all you've done for me.

I am grateful, Lord, even though I cannot see

all the things you have in store for me

or all that I will be.

I am grateful, Lord, for all you've done for me.

When I was tired, you were my strength.

When I was down, you were my joy.

When I was sick, you healed my body and my soul.

I am so grateful, Lord, for all you've done for me.

Lord, I Am Grateful by Donna Denise K © 2012

Happy Mother's Day!

I'm grateful for my mom. She has been a constant throughout my life. When things were going well and when they were not going well, I could always depend on her for encouragement, support and comfort. She's always had a special way of making me believe that I could do or be anything. We don't always agree—in fact, we've had more than a few heated debates—but I could always depend on her to be there for me when needed. Through mumps, tonsillitis, broken limbs, nightmares, mean teachers, music recitals, first bad grade (it was a "C"), first date, first heartbreak, college graduation, fiance's death, the list goes on and on.

I'm also grateful for God's gift of motherhood. I'm not a mom, but prayerfully hope to be one.
To participate with God in the creation of human life is both an honor and a blessing. Through motherhood, He gives us the chance to learn to love as He loves, unconditionally and selflessly, and to play an integral role in helping another person fulfill his or her God-ordained destiny. In His grace, the Father entrusts to us the awesome responsibility to protect, nurture, support, comfort, teach and serve another from conception to adulthood, and even thereafter.

My prayer for all mothers is that God would give them wisdom and understanding in raising their children and teach them to value every moment with their child. And if their relationship with their children is less than perfect as most are, I pray they would learn to trust God to work out the kinks. After all, they are His children first.

"For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb." - Psalm 139:13