I feel as if I've spent lot of time today, a lot of time this week, in meditation. Not always sitting still, sometimes I go for meditative walks in nature. I've learned over the years that it's easy for me to quiet my thoughts or even become aware of my thoughts while walking. For me, taking a walk through a nearby park, or at the lake, and especially the beach, almost immediately bring on a sense of calm.
I am learning to take note of my feelings and emotions in any moment. It's the first step to being able to direct them so they no longer control me. I no longer wish to let myself be triggered into negative thinking or negativity by external circumstances or other people. As I become more aware of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and notice what I also happen to be experiencing in my external environment, I am coming to accept as true the teachings of people like Neville Goddard, Joseph Murphy, Genevieve Behrend—that something in me is the cause of my experiences; rather than my experiences being the cause of what's happening within me.
Like the apostle Paul, I make no claims to have apprehended all that there is to know and understand about life/human existence, nor do I claim to be at all times in full control of my behavior, thoughts, or emotions. Yet, I do daily make the effort to remove my focus from any past mistakes or unpleasant events, and focus on what I am thinking, feeling, and experiencing in the moment. And if I notice or feel that I have lost focus of the person I choose to be at that moment or the goals/dreams I choose to accomplish, I make the necessary shifts to get back into alignment.
It isn’t easy. There are certain people and/or situations I encounter or have encountered that I allow to trigger me to feel all sorts of ick!—sad, irritated, panicked, upset, angry, frustrated, ashamed, guilty. Heaviness might be a better word, since "bad" connotes judgment, and I've also decided I no longer want to eat of the tree of good and evil by living in judgment. There are some events I've experienced in my past that I may likely always react to with heavier emotions if I decide to dwell on them. But I do prefer to experience lighter feelings like joy, peace, calm, assurance, etc. For some events, like the death of my oldest and youngest brothers, one of my nephews, and, most recently, my dad, I am learning to shift focus more quickly away from their deaths and feelings of loss to all the wonderful experiences I shared with them during their life time here, in this realm. Much lighter.
In any event, my mother, whom I love dearly, just happens to be among those people who seem to trigger heavy emotions in me, sometimes. My reaction to her words or actions was like a reflex; until about a week or so ago when I realized I can choose to respond differently. I can choose to laugh. I can choose to sing a song. I can choose anything other than "ick."
To be honest, this isn't a new realization, I just haven't consistently been exercising my right to make that choice in those instances when the opportunity arose. And that's okay, because there are times when I do like feeling pissed off! I fully appreciate my humanity as much as my spiritual nature. But joy does feel so much better/more joyful/lighter and it helps to draw myriad wonderful experiences into my life.
This week, in addition to choosing a different response, I am choosing to address the cause and ask: “What in me is creating what I am experiencing in relationship to her?”
Much like a mirror reflects back to us our physical form, the people we encounter and the experiences or circumstances we encounter—the ones we like and the ones we don’t—are only reflecting back to us who we are within, our state of being. Whatever we see or don’t see is revealing something to us about ourselves. In his book, The Law and the Promise, Neville Goddard writes:
To attempt to change circumstances before you change your imaginal activity, is to struggle against the very nature of things. There can be no outer change until there is first an imaginal change. Everything you do, unaccompanied by an imaginal change, is but futile readjustment of surfaces.I suppose then that you can liken attempts to change your external world without first changing your internal world, to attempting to change the image you see in the mirror, or a photo of yourself, rather than changing physical body both are reflecting. From a practical standpoint, changing the mirror image is simply impossible; changing the photo delusional unless it’s your intent to use the altered photo as visual motivation to get to work changing your physical body. And there are hosts of metaphysical teachers, including Neville, who would argue that you can never hope to permanently change even your physical body until you truly change the image of it you have within. Because I have personal experience with this, I agree.
Getting back to my mother or anyone else who I allow or have allowed to trigger my heavy emotions, this evening as I sat and meditated, I felt grateful for the opportunity to see what's really lurking within me as revealed through my mom. That which I am aware of about myself, I can easily change, if I choose, by changing my thoughts and feelings about myself. That which I am not aware of, I have no possibility of changing.
This may seem difficult to believe, it was for me when I first heard it and I still struggle with it, but external factors—other people, circumstances, events—are never really the cause of how you feel. You are.
"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." Wayne Dyer
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." Carl Jung
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