"Have faith in your dreams and someday,
Your rainbow will come smiling through,
No matter how your heart is grieving,
If you keep on believing,
The dream that you wish will come true."
A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes from Disney's Cinderella, ©1950
I wasn't kidding about Disney. God talks to me in the most unexpected ways and through the most unexpected people sometimes. I'm recalling meeting my new dentist for the first time last October. I had what felt like the world's worst toothache and desperately needed to see a dentist, stat! Since my previous dentist was quite a distance from where I now work, so not convenient to get to and also no longer accepted by my insurance, I sought out my much trusted office manager for a referral. This woman is a real gem, a bit of curmudgeon, but a real gem. She assured me she has the perfect dentist who I'll simply love, and she was right. I was able to get an appointment right away and from the moment I stepped into his office, I knew I'd found my new dentist.
A mature man of about mid-60ish, I'd say, he was very congenial and reassuring that he'd be able to help alleviate my pain or refer me to a surgeon who could. If he had only delivered on that promise, I'd have been eternally grateful. But there was something more he offered that day—an unexpected insight into my life. "You have a very beautiful smile," I recall him saying, exactly what you want to hear from a dentist. He examined my teeth and jaw for a bit, said something about me having good bone structure, and then, after slight pause, followed with "You have the look of a woman who has spent a lifetime trying to take care of other people." Wow! Perhaps, I should have been offended. He after all didn't know me or anything about me or my life. Yet, I wasn't offended. The beautiful smile was deceiving. I knew my heart was very heavy that day and not just because of the throbbing pain in my lower left jaw.
I was a woman at the breaking point. My parents were having significant health problems, my parents' friends were demanding answers I couldn't give, my siblings were at odds, and my neighbors were constantly bringing to my attention problems in the community that needed fixing (I serve on my Condo Association's board). Plus, my body hadn't adjusted to my missing thyroid. I felt like a car sputtering to a stop when the last bit of gas is spent, but I really wanted, needed, to "make" everything better for everyone. The dentist's words that day stirred up something in my spirit. I couldn't let them go. Days, weeks, months went by and I could still hear his words "You have the look of a woman who has spent her lifetime trying to take care of others." I pondered them again and again trying to grasp their full meaning. And finally it hit me… I need to take care of me. I need to nurture me. I need to follow my heart's desires. I need to give myself permission to live the life I dream.
At some point in my life, I had taken hold of the belief that my happiness, peace, and joy is dependent on my "making" sure other people are happy. But it isn't true. Your happiness, peace and joy results from nurturing your own soul, and is then radiated to others. The people around you will either catch your happiness vibe or want to stay out of your orbit. Either way, you're in a good place.
And so my journey began in late February to take care of me and rediscover my dreams. Some days, I find I've made great progress; others, not so much. Even now, I still struggle with the tendency to seek the permission of others to enjoy my life. And "sorry" isn't the hardest word for me; "no" is. But, I'm pushing ahead. One moment at a time.
"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." - Walt Disney
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