I Came Face-to-face with Two Deer in Three Weeks—Coincidence?

In three weeks, I've come face-to-face with two deer. And I do mean face-to-face as in uncomfortably close enough to nearly reach out and touch them. (I didn't!)

My first face-to-face deer encounter, July 4, 2016

The first incident occurred curiously on the 4th of July, Independence Day in the U.S. As I was walking to the Metro station from my parents' home, I saw what I thought at first was a very large dog. Stunned and uncertain what my next and safest step should be, I realized I was staring in the face of a deer! He/she seemed as stunned as me for a moment before returning to grazing on the leaves of a nearby tree branch in the park where we
encountered each other.

The second incident occurred today, exactly three weeks later. This time I was walking toward my home in a very suburban part of Maryland state and encountered another deer. Although there's a wooded area directly across from the building where I live (it's used to be someone's property for whom my street is now named), I've never seen a deer in my neighborhood. The nearest park is about a mile away.

Coincidence? Or a message from the Universe?

Seeker that I am, I needed to find out what these close encounters with deer might mean and decided to do some research on deer spirits.

Being of Native American ancestry on my mother's side, I've spent a significant amount of time throughout my life learning about their traditions and beliefs, wanting to know more about my great grandfather for whom I only have a name, but have heard many wonderful stories about.

According to Native American tradition, each individual is connected with one of nine different animals that will accompany each person through life, acting as guides. Different animal guides, also called spirit guides and/or power animals, come in and out of our lives depending on the direction that we are headed and the tasks that need to be completed along our journey, but there is usually one animal, your totem animal, that is with you for life.¹ Sounds somewhat like the Christian concept of a guardian angel.

One expert suggests that the deer spirit is "a symbol of regeneration of life and heart energy." I like the sound of that!  The deer spirit represents one's ability "to bring gentleness and grace in every aspect of your life, even in the most challenging moments. By inspiration from the deer’s qualities, you can achieve ambitious goals and tackle difficult situation smoothly with a touch of gentleness and grace." ²

Another shares that "when a deer totem shows up in your life, a new innocence and freshness is about to be awakened." This person adds that "the deer teaches us to use the power of gentleness to touch the hearts and minds of wounded beings who are in our lives." ³

Well, I would absolutely consider this moment of my life to be one of my most challenging. I would very much like to get through it all with gentleness and grace, although I've been feeling more ornery and frustrated, when not curled up in the fetal position crying. In fact, I've been feeling quite a bit like someone sinking in quicksand. Yet, the more I fight to keep from sinking, the deeper in it I get. And yes, I know I should just stop fighting as that is what I've always heard one should do when in quicksand because struggling to get free only pulls you in deeper. Still, gentle soul that I can be, I am also a warrior at heart.

But I am extremely open to the possibility of a new innocence and freshness—of recapturing my childlike innocence and belief in the impossible, or rather that all things are possible. I haven't been enjoying the hopeless, cynical, angry and resentful person that stares back at me from the mirror as I grapple with feelings of being unappreciated, unloved, unsupported, unsafe, and undeserving of anything good. Admittedly aspects of my nature—my shadow self, perhaps, emerging to be embraced and healed—I do not want these feelings/aspects to overtake the whole of me as they threaten to do some days, especially since I know I created my current situation with my thoughts, choices, and actions and these darker feelings will not help me to create something better.

The something better being once-and-for-all healing old trauma, past hurts and transforming my current experience into something beautiful and uplifting. And then with childlike faith and the gentle heart that I have always had—but sometimes tried to hide for fear of being thought weak—helping the other wounded in my life to find healing.

Thank you deer spirit. Thank you for the reminder to keep a determined, yet gentle spirit in the midst of all things.

^1- http://www.legendsofamerica.com/na-totems.html
^2- http://www.spiritanimal.info/deer-spirit-animal/  
^3- http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/deer.htm

Touching the Face of God

gallerily.com

When I was a child, before the days of 24/7 television across 120-plus stations, television stations featured sign-offs to indicate they were going off air for a few hours, usually in the wee hours of the morning between 2 to 4 a.m. Each station’s sign-off was different, but there was one that seemed to really fascinate me as I watched it during those early mornings when I was up long, long past bedtime because I just couldn’t sleep. (And yes, I had a TV in my room. Blame my parents, why don’t you?!)

I remember the sign-off featured images of airplanes soaring through the clouds, and a man’s voice that always sounded so soothing as he spoke of "dancing in the sky" and "touching the face of God." Sometimes the airplane images were replaced with images of eagles flying across the expanse of sky or an ocean. Ever so high, I recall watching them climb, wishing I could be, feel that free.

The past few months of life have been quite challenging for me dealing with personal, financial and family health issues. As I’ve mentioned a few times in my posts, I share caregiving duties for my parents with my siblings. I’ve been doing this since 2010 when my mom had her first seizure. Three years later, we were having to care for dad also. In the midst of all of this, I experienced my own health crisis and financial loss resulting from being fired from a job that I really enjoyed. Life really is grand, isn’t it? (No, I’m not being sarcastic, much!)

Yesterday I felt that I was near to reaching the breaking point. There was something I wanted, needed to accomplish, yet despite my best efforts I was getting it done--something my Virgo mind just can’t easily handle. As I began feeling the despair and discouragement, tears streaming down my face, I headed outside with my trusty journal in hand to help sort through my feelings. In nature is where I thrive. In nature is where I find peace.

Sitting on the back porch of my parents’ home, I started journaling, and then suddenly stopped to just look up at the sky. The great expanse of blue sky was filled with amazingly beautiful white and soft gray clouds. I felt calm and at peace as I stared off into the distance as far as I could see. I noticed a plane fly by and the usual birds. Breathtaking. I have a deep appreciation for art, and yet don’t believe there is any artist living or dead who could adequately capture the beauty of what I was seeing, experiencing looking up into that sky. It felt like I was seeing something painted made by the very hand of God, which brings me back to the TV sign-offs I mentioned at the beginning of my post.

I sat still for a while, staring into those clouds in front of me, above me, around me, trying to breathe myself into them, make myself one with all that surrounded me when I suddenly remembered the TV sign off from my childhood, the one with man’s voice talking about touching the face of God.

Information addict that I am I decided to search the Internet for that sign off, or the poem, as I was sure it was most likely a poem the man was reading. It was. The poem is High Flight, written by John Gillespie Magee Jr., a 19-year old aviator pilot. He wrote the poem just three months before he died during a training flight from the airfield near Scopwick. Portions of the poem are inscribed on the headstones of many aviators and astronauts buried in Arlington National Cemetery.*

I cried as I read the full poem and understood why the man’s words had so touched me at such a young age that many years later I’m still able to remember those images that flashed across my TV screen and even hear some of the words spoken. I had a rather vivid imagination as a child, still do, and would dream of doing and being pretty much anything. I was a ballerina, and a princess, a rock star, and a cowgirl (not the cheerleader variety). Once I dreamed about walking on the moon and even imagined I was one of the officers on Star Trek (don't ask), not understanding the whole TV isn't real thing. At least not then—no reality television, yet, thank goodness!

I was learning then as I’m still now learning that life offers infinite possibilities for us beyond what we are experiencing in the moment and beyond what we can imagine or dream, if only we could believe that it does. And just like Officer Magee, we, too, can touch the face of God.

Here's the poem for you to read, or you can experience it the way I did as a child.

High Flight 

By John Gillespie Magee Jr.

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth,

And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;

Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth

Of sun-split clouds, -- and done a hundred things

You have not dreamed of -- Wheeled and soared and swung

High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there

I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung

My eager craft through footless halls of air...

Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue

I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace

Where never lark or even eagle flew --

And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod

The high untrespassed sanctity of space,

Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

* Source: http://www.arlingtoncemetery.net/

I Choose to Be Enough

I appreciate self-help books and advice. Because I’ve always tended to be very introspective, I find that I’m always examining my life, my attitudes, and my beliefs and whether they are in alignment with the type of person I want to be. I commit myself to continually learning and putting into practice ways to become my very best self. So, I appreciate information that offers insight to help you grow, evolve, and improve yourself with the goal of becoming the person you aspire to be. And that’s a good thing, right?

Perhaps. Unless it leads you down the path of believing that you are in essence a broken, damaged person in continual need of fixing and, hence, not worthy or able to enjoy a good life until you make things right. Energy flows where attention goes, so placing constant focus on fixing all of the stuff that you think, or someone is telling you, is wrong with you, can have the unintended consequence of perpetuating the very things that you think are “wrong” with you.

Curiously, this week as I was going through my meditations, I found myself feeling more than a little resentful, anxious, and downright annoyed wondering when would I get to the place where I have purged myself enough of all my negative characteristics, blocks and limiting beliefs to finally begin receiving all the good I desire. At the point where I was just about to throw up my hands and say "screw it," it suddenly occurred to me that what I needed to do was shift my focus.

I once heard someone describe grace as unmerited or unearned favor. It suggests that the things we consider blessings aren’t earned; they are freely given, quite simply because the giver—God, the universe, the angels, my higher self—wanted you and I to experience them. Grace is what causes the sun to shine on the just and unjust alike. The desires of my heart are mine for the taking!

So what would happen if in this moment I choose to believe that my worthiness or unworthiness doesn’t matter? What if I release myself from karma and give myself permission to have or experience whatever I want simply by choosing to do so? What if I decided that there is no dream or desire too grand for me? How would this change how I look at myself and the world? How would this change how I wake up in the morning? How would this change what I am willing to ask for and allow into my life?

What if my deservedness IS completely irrelevant, and all that is required for me to experience the desires of my heart is making the choice to receive them?

I choose to allow into my life all that I desire. I choose to live in divine health. I choose to have a fit and lean body. I choose to eat well and enjoy the cake, dammit! I choose to be playful, youthful, and full of energy. I choose to fully embrace my feminine energy. I choose to express my sensual self. I choose to be successful on my terms. I choose to be loved. I choose to be loving. I choose to have control over how I spend my time. I choose to pay my bills ahead of time. I choose to have an abundance of money flow into my life daily with ease and grace. I choose to drive a Mercedes SUV. I choose to live in luxury. I choose to be surrounded by beauty. I choose to be in joy daily. I choose to have fun. I choose to dance more, sing more, and laugh more. I choose to have clients who value my expertise and who are easy to work with. I choose to be with people who are joyful and who add to my joy.

I choose to be enough now to experience all of the good the universe has to offer.

I Still Believe

Rainbow viewed from the window of the guest
room in my parents' home.

I was 15 years old when I read the Diary of Anne Frank for the first time. The book—the actual recorded diary of a 13-year old girl, writing about her experience while living in hiding during the time of the Holocaust—had a profound effect on me and my developing philosophy of life.

Not much older than Anne when I first read the book, I was at what people call that awkward age between childhood and adulthood during which you begin pushing your parents' buttons by challenging all you've been taught, on the road to figuring out who you are, or at least, who you want to be. I questioned everything at that age—still do—because I wanted to understand my life. Why was I here? Why were any of us here? Why did pain and suffering exist?

I recall going through a really dark period where I thought the world and most people in it were cruel, hateful, and just downright sadistic. (I suppose years of being teased and feeling as if you’re struggling to fit in will do that to a young girl.) I had read all about the horrors and indignities of the Holocaust, as well as the horrors and indignities suffered by the African slaves in America. Being black, I had experienced prejudice, although not nearly to the degree of my parents or even my older siblings. Learning about these events along with enduring the day-to-day annoyances of being teased—for being too tall, too short, too fat, too thin, too clumsy, etc., etc.—only fueled my belief that this earth was a cruel, heartless place to be. Even Sunday School lessons about a loving God who protects the meek and innocent rang empty to me as I wondered who protected the slaves or the victims of the Holocaust, or my little brother when he was sick with a brain tumor.

So fixated I was on all that was wrong with the world—wrong with my world—that I just really couldn’t see there was also beauty and goodness around me. Until I read Anne’s diary. She describes, in sometimes painful detail, her and her family's day-to-day experiences after they are forced into hiding in an attempt to escape the Nazi concentration camps.Some of her entries made me laugh—girl stuff that sounded like things I had written in my own diary. Many of the entries, knowing what became of Anne since my teacher gave away the end of the story, made me cry. One entry, infuriated me...  

“In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can’t build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery, and death. I see the world gradually being turned into a wilderness, I hear the ever approaching thunder, which will destroy us too, I can feel the sufferings of millions and yet, if I look up into the heavens, I think that it will all come right, that this cruelty too will end, and that peace and tranquility will return again.” 

Huh?! Did she forget about being forced to leave her home? Was she not aware that people were trying to kill her and her family and in the most horrific, unspeakable manner possible, simply for being Jewish?  Was she okay with living in hiding because of people's cruelty and hatred? How could she write such a crazy thing?!

I didn’t realize it then, but that entry in Anne's journal would become/is forever etched on my heart. If Anne could see goodness in the midst of her experience, what was my excuse for not? So I started looking... for goodness.

From that moment on, I began to see goodness and beauty where before there was only darkness. A little at first, and then more, and still more. Then I began showing, or at least trying to show, others the goodness that I was seeing. And my life has been filled with joyful, once-in-a lifetime experiences that might have gone unnoticed, including friendships with some pretty amazing people from all over the world through whom I’ve learned that most people really are good at heart or want to be.

I've encountered a few challenges that threatened to send me back to seeing only darkness. And I am not indifferent to pain and suffering that occurs in the world. No one with a conscious is. Yet, it is Anne’s words I hear from deep within my spirit that restore my peace whenever I learn of some tragic event—a terrorist attack by pseudo-religious groups; a mass shooting; rape, torture or genocide committed or sanctioned by leaders of governments—or whenever I have experienced some personal trauma due to others' malevolence. For instance, the morning, 11 years ago, when I received news that my nephew whom I loved dearly had been murdered, or a few years later when I was carjacked.

“In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.”

And just as surely as the sun rises each morning, the universe proves that me and Anne are right to believe so. Following every news report of some act of violence or hatred somewhere, countless other stories emerge of heroism, random acts of kindness, and demonstrations of love and compassion.

I am still astonished by the outpouring of love, compassion and kindness I experienced in the aftermath of my own brushes with violence and hatefulness. People I didn’t know reached out to help me, and in the case of my nephew’s murder, to help my family, especially the daughter he left behind.

So, in spite of everything you may be hearing on the news about what a hot mess the world is in and how we’re on the verge of disaster, know this: it's only part of the story. Goodness, beauty, and kindness are all around you—just look.

Whatever you give your attention to, grows.

Want more proof? Here's another story that confirms there are still a lot of good people in the world and when things get bad, they will and do come forward.

So Let It Be Written

I wish that I could say today’s blog is self-inspired. It is not. It is inspired, again, by an email I received from Kat Laterzo, a woman who writes a business and self-development blog for the not-faint-of-heart.

“So if you want CHANGE?
Big f'ing positive change, change that makes your head spin and leaves you BREATHLESS with how awesome your life IS?
Write that s#*t down. Again. And again. And again. And again.
Until you believe it.
Until you are living it.
Until you ARE it, and it is you.” 

"I know, I know," I thought as I read the message. I know how powerful words are. I believe they have power to heal or to wound; to create or to destroy. I have been healed by and have healed others with them. I have been wounded by and wounded others with them.

Philosophers and poets, clergy and laity, political leaders and ordinary citizens have contemplated for generations the power of the written word: mightier than the sword it is. “We hold these truths to be self-evident…,” wrote Thomas Jefferson and a nation was born. “And the just shall live by faith…” wrote Martin Luther in his 95 Theses, left taped to the door of the Castle Church in Wittenberg, and ignited a religious reformation.

I fully believe that “life and death” are in the power of our words. Spoken or written, words are not to be taken lightly. Knowing their power, I set an intention at the beginning of this year to use them more judiciously when spoken and written. Taped to my closet door, which is the first thing I see upon rising each morning, is the message “Don’t want it; don’t say it.” And yet, I have lately been a bit careless with my words some days—majorly careless on some others as if forgetting the warning that “every idle word spoken” will be made manifest.

I've been writing in journals for years now. Some are plain, some are really fancy notebooks filled with notes about how wonderful my life is and how grateful I am for my loving family and friends along with the sun, the moon, the rain, the snow, birds, trees...(Did you notice the solar eclipse this evening? What an amazing sight!) I'm certain that's why I've attracted so many wonderful experiences into my life. I'm also certain my occasional carelessly spoken and written words are, at least partly, responsible for some of the less than pleasing experiences.

Nevertheless, I believe that I can overcome the effect of words spoken out of anger, frustration, fear, anxiety, or sheer carelessness with loving, healing, life affirming ones. I remain committed to using my power in the best way possible to create a life filled with abundant health, joy, peace, love, wealth, laughter, and every other good thing I can imagine.

You want it? Write it, speak it, chant it, sing it. Let your every thought, word, and feeling empower you and propel you toward your dreams. Write your vision. Put it where you can see it, and speak it aloud daily until it’s imprinted in your heart and drives every action you take, every decision you make. Ignite your own personal reformation. I’m off to write my vision now.

Namaste

Remember to reach for the moon. Even if you don't get there, you'll still be among the stars!

I Was Born for Greatness; So Were You

This blog is an interesting one for me to write. Tooting my own horn, so to speak, is not something I’m accustomed to, or comfortable, doing. Yet here I sit at my computer inspired to do exactly that today. As one of my mentor’s once told me: “If anyone is going to think you’re great, it might as well be you.”

Earlier I received an email from a woman named Kat Loterzo who helps other women realize the power within themselves to live the lives they dream about, whatever those dreams may be. In her email she writes: You KNOW you were born for more. And, she’s absolutely right. She is absolutely freakin' right! I know it. I’ve always known it. (At least part of me has always known it.)

I am realizing it’s that seed of greatness in me that causes me to become disquieted, agitated, and sometimes outright angry when I’m playing it small and trying to fit in—trying to live by other people’s expectations, rules and the limits they place on themselves, and indirectly me. After all, among the many things we have in common as humans is our deep desire/need to be loved and accepted and at some point in our life—likely between birth and age 7—we learned that love and acceptance is conditional upon our being like others and doing what we’re told or what is expected. So we do. Yet the seed to be more remains.

It’s that seed of greatness that causes me to want to scream out loud like a woman trapped in a small, cramped space, for seemingly no reason. It’s my spirit trying to get my attention. On the surface, all may appear to be going well by societal standards, yet she wants me to know that she’s feeling confined, claustrophobic—that she longs to do more, be more, have more, experience more. She wants to be released to live the life she dreams about. She wants to experience in reality what she’s experiencing in her imagination. She wants to experience financial freedom; nurturing, loving, empowering relationships; a strong, healthy body; a life filled with passion and purpose; control over how she spends her time; a home along the water; freedom to choose her destiny; and more, so much more. And she can. The only one really stopping her is... ME.

I was born for more. I was born for greatness; all of us were. We were born to solve a problem that only we can solve, to have an impact on the world that only we can. Each one of us has the capacity within to be geniuses, great leaders, great artists, healers, or world transformers. It is why so many of us are disquieted with our jobs, our relationships, our homes, our governments, our lives. It’s why many of us experience stress, depression, and other health issues. Our spirits are trying to get our attention. We look for a savior outside of ourselves, but that savior is already within. Our spirits know that we are infinite beings capable of achieving far more than we've allowed ourselves to imagine. Our spirits are trying to tell us: “You were born for more.”

So, I'm going for the more, and I encourage you to do the same. Allow yourself to be all that you are capable of being and doing all that you are capable of doing, no matter what anyone else thinks. Silence the fearful child within by letting him or her know it’s okay to be fully you. Whatever it is you’re desiring, whatever it is you’ve been dreaming, go after it—one step, one day at a time. Become obsessed by it and dare to step into your greatness. If not now, then when?


"If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place." - Nora Roberts

"...if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours..."  - Henry D. Thoreau

What Do You Know?

Here's a thought for you to ponder that may also mess with your mind for a day, or two, or ten....

I only know that I do not really know anything. And since I do not really know anything, I am free to choose what it is I know.

Just think about it.