It's Okay to Be You

I realize I've been strangely quiet for the past week or so, although I did promise to report back on my Glad Game experiment, but sometimes transformation requires extended moments of silence.

I don't mind much as it's usually during such moments that I happen upon another piece of my life's puzzle that brings me closer to my dreams or helps me find contentment while they still seem afar off. Today's perfect piece came in the form of a message that I had to share with my lovely readers (whoever you are):

"The more you do things to please others, the more you erode away at your own sense of worth, confidence, and sense of self. When you’re preoccupied with the expectations of others for fear of their disapproval, you’re revealing that it isn’t okay for you to be you." – Dr. Mark Chironna

I suppose such a thing seems at odds with a blog about transformation, about change. Yet in actually, it affirms what I've already come to realize—my transformation can have nothing to do with my wanting to please anyone except myself. My desire is simply to fully become all that I was created to be and to live the amazing life that I was meant to live.

An apple seed can only ever become an apple tree. And, at my core, I can only ever be me. It's okay. I've heard from the highest authority that I'm pretty fabulous—fearfully and wonderfully made, a pearl of great price, in fact. I hear that you are, too!

A Heroic Act Motivated By Love

Along the route from work to my parents house, I pass by a church that has one of those flashy electronic signs. Have you seen them? The colorful ones with ever changing messages and animated pictures. Anyway, one day as I was stopped at the light near this church, I noticed a rather intriguing message: "You may not be able to change the world, but you can make a world of difference." Well, today I happened upon a story about a woman in China who is a stunning example of how very true that message is. Eighty-eight-year-old Lou Xiaoying, who earned a meager living recycling trash, managed to rescue and care for 30 infants she found abandoned in the trash, despite being barely able to fend for herself: http://bit.ly/OMT5Tb.

Because of one woman, 30 children will have the chance to live and love and dream and make a difference in someone else's life. In her own words: "I realized if we had strength enough to collect garbage, how could we not recycle something as important as human lives." 

I have no more excuses.

The Glad Game

Calling all Pollyannas. Are you willing to play a game with me this week? Since it's Olympic season, now's the perfect time for it. Anyone who is willing is eligible to play, and everyone who plays, wins.

As I was meditating yesterday, it occurred to me that the best way to have more joy in my life and, hence, open the door for more good things to happen is to complain less, be glad more. Then I got the bright idea that I should test out my theory—social scientist that I am—by trying for an entire week to not complain or say anything negative, beginning today. In fact, I could take it a step further by finding something positive to say even about a problem I'm having. Admittedly this will be a challenge, but as with most things, I believe it will work best if I approach it one day at a time. So, are you game?

Are you willing to give up complaining for just one day? No griping. No whining. No ranting. No bemoaning how hard times are, or how dishonest this or that politician is. No negative talk about coworkers or bosses. No moping about long check-out lines or heavy traffic or the price of gas. For one day, just be glad being alive and take in all the beauty, love and inspiration that's around you and that you might have overlooked before while you were busy complaining.

Again, for the sake of full disclosure, I admit this isn't going to be easy. We live in an imperfect world and bad things, tragic things, happen almost daily it seems. And with instant messaging, Twitter and smart phones, tragic news is spread worldwide within minutes. Yet surprisingly, even in the midst of tragedy there are gifts, bright spots, to be found. I don't always see them as I'm sure others don't for we see "through a glass darkly," but I have to believe the gifts are there. Faith sees the good even in the most dire of situations. Jesus explained this principle best when He told His disciples (and us):

"In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." - John 16:33

So, if you wake up with a headache, just be glad you woke up. If traffic is heavy on the way to work, just be glad you have a job and a car that you can drive to work. Line at the Starbucks too long? Get excited that you have money to by $4.00 coffee. Just give it a try for an hour, two hours, a day, or maybe even the whole week.

I'm looking forward to a beautiful week. I'll let you know how it turns out.

"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." - 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Childlike Faith

"If you believe within your heart you'll know
That no one can change the path that you must go
Believe what you feel and know you're right, because
The time will come around when you say it's yours"

If You Believe by Charlie Small, performed in The Wiz
©1974 Warner-Tamerlane Publishing Corp.

Sometimes I think Christians, myself included, are just too spiritual for their own good, which is why we fail to see the wondrous works in this day that the disciples—Peter, James and John et al.—were able to see and accomplish: water being changed into wine; five loaves and two fish feeding a multitude of 5,000 men plus women and children; healing of the blind, lame and deaf; and let's not forget Lazarus. Admittedly, the disciples were also blown away by these things, even when they were themselves able to do them.

Disciples: Master, even the demons danced to your tune!
Jesus: I know. [The Message, Luke 10:17-18]

By the book of Acts, however, they'd gotten over it. They were as unfazed as Jesus was—the miraculous was normal to them, like breathing.

I don't know why, but Christians today simply cannot grasp that when Jesus spoke of mustard seed faith moving mountains, he was speaking of actual mountains being moved—as well as emotional or psychological mountains/stumbling blocks—in the same that way a fig tree withered and died at His spoken word. And in the same way the huge stone fortress surrounding Jericho crumbled to dust at the exuberant praises of the Israelites and before that a sea became dry land before Moses' rod. (It's my favorite scene in the Ten Commandments, although I imagine I'm going to be just a bit disappointed to discover that Moses looks nothing like Charlton Heston.)

As God continues to deal with my thoughts and opening my eyes to limitless possibilities, I'm discovering that there are a vast many things about this universe and God Himself that simply defy reason and understanding. To experience the wonders that Peter, James and John did, requires a childlike faith to see what can't be seen, hear what can't be heard, and believe what absolutely seems impossible.

"Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth." - Mark 9:23

Meditation #4—He Puts My Tears in a Bottle

"Be merciful unto me, O God: for man would swallow me up;

he fighting daily oppresseth me. Mine enemies would daily swallow me up:

for they be many that fight against me, O thou most High.

...Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle:

are they not in thy book?

When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies turn back:

this I know; for God is for me.

In God will I praise his word: in the Lord will I praise his word." - Psalm 56:1-2; 8-10

I love my God. No tear of mine goes unnoticed; he captures each in a bottle. No cry goes unheard; he hastens to deliver me. He gives attention to everything about me and my life as I am always on His mind. When the enemy comes against me, it is the Lord Most High who fights my battles so that I can walk in the abundance of peace and joy that He promises to all His beloved. He rejoices over me with singing and I am soon comforted.

Thank you Jesus for your grace. Thank you for your love.

How to Live Happily Ever After

"Have faith in your dreams and someday,

Your rainbow will come smiling through,

No matter how your heart is grieving,

If you keep on believing,

The dream that you wish will come true."

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes from Disney's Cinderella, ©1950

I wasn't kidding about Disney. God talks to me in the most unexpected ways and through the most unexpected people sometimes. I'm recalling meeting my new dentist for the first time last October. I had what felt like the world's worst toothache and desperately needed to see a dentist, stat! Since my previous dentist was quite a distance from where I now work, so not convenient to get to and also no longer accepted by my insurance, I sought out my much trusted office manager for a referral. This woman is a real gem, a bit of curmudgeon, but a real gem. She assured me she has the perfect dentist who I'll simply love, and she was right. I was able to get an appointment right away and from the moment I stepped into his office, I knew I'd found my new dentist.

A mature man of about mid-60ish, I'd say, he was very congenial and reassuring that he'd be able to help alleviate my pain or refer me to a surgeon who could. If he had only delivered on that promise, I'd have been eternally grateful. But there was something more he offered that day—an unexpected insight into my life. "You have a very beautiful smile," I recall him saying, exactly what you want to hear from a dentist. He examined my teeth and jaw for a bit, said something about me having good  bone structure, and then, after slight pause, followed with "You have the look of a woman who has spent a lifetime trying to take care of other people." Wow! Perhaps, I should have been offended. He after all didn't know me or anything about me or my life. Yet, I wasn't offended. The beautiful smile was deceiving. I knew my heart was very heavy that day and not just because of the throbbing pain in my lower left jaw.

I was a woman at the breaking point. My parents were having significant health problems, my parents' friends were demanding answers I couldn't give, my siblings were at odds, and my neighbors were constantly bringing to my attention problems in the community that needed fixing (I serve on my Condo Association's board). Plus, my body hadn't adjusted to my missing thyroid. I felt like a car sputtering to a stop when the last bit of gas is spent, but I really wanted, needed, to "make" everything better for everyone. The dentist's words that day stirred up something in my spirit. I couldn't let them go. Days, weeks, months went by and I could still hear his words "You have the look of a woman who has spent her lifetime trying to take care of others." I pondered them again and again trying to grasp their full meaning. And finally it hit me… I need to take care of me. I need to nurture me. I need to follow my heart's desires. I need to give myself permission to live the life I dream.

At some point in my life, I had taken hold of the belief that my happiness, peace, and joy is dependent on my "making" sure other people are happy. But it isn't true. Your happiness, peace and joy results from nurturing your own soul, and is then radiated to others. The people around you will either catch your happiness vibe or want to stay out of your orbit. Either way, you're in a good place.

And so my journey began in late February to take care of me and rediscover my dreams. Some days, I find I've made great progress; others, not so much. Even now, I still struggle with the tendency to seek the permission of others to enjoy my life. And "sorry" isn't the hardest word for me; "no" is. But, I'm pushing ahead. One moment at a time.

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them."  - Walt Disney

Instrument of Peace

If you want to change the world, you must begin with yourself. That's what I've been learning this month. It is very easy to complain about a matter, but quite another to do something about it. Sometimes, just a simple adjustment in attitude or perspective is all that's required to turn a bad situation around and open the door to all the beauty and joy life offers.

Almost every morning when I was in high school, my classmates and I recited the following Prayer of Saint Francis as a reminder that within each of us is the power to change our world. Any person whose heart is yielded in love to God can be used by Him to make a difference.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

Buy a cup of coffee for that surly co-worker. Offer to pick up groceries for your elderly neighbor. Exercise patience with that hard-to-please customer. Share your lunch with the homeless guy outside your office. Let the other driver have that prime parking space that you saw first. Check up on a friend whose been MIA. Choose to walk in love. Choose to walk in forgiveness. Choose to live in hope. Choose to believe in the impossible. And watch the world around you transform.