The Price of Fitting In

This morning, I attended a wake/viewing for a long-time friend, someone I had known since I was a very young girl who passed away quite suddenly late last month. Surrounded by other friends from my childhood, I became acutely aware of how out of place I often feel around them and the struggle within myself to make myself fit into a world that I don’t really want to fit into.

There isn’t anything wrong at all with the reality in which my friends live. It works for them. It’s what they know and have come to accept is a “normal” way of life. You put in your 40 hours a week, enduring all manner of situations that annoy you, so you can earn money to buy a car, house, clothes, food, etc. That's how life works, right?

As a treat for your hard work and sacrifice, you spend your down time doing things that feel more fun: watching the latest crop of television programming intended to either entertain or infuriate you, going to the movies, maybe, taking a cruise some place when you have vacation time, provided you have enough money, attending church, or checking out a new or familiar restaurant. If you're married or have a family, you might do something with your partner and kids, or not. You stress about bills, the mortgage, car notes, your spouse and/or kids, and you get together to commiserate about your stupid bosses and co-workers, how your partner or kids are making you nuts, or how challenged you are trying to manage all the cadre of ailments you been diagnosed with.

If it seems I’m being judgmental, I’m not. My friends and family are content with their lifestyles—they’ve chosen it, consciously or unconsciously. Doesn’t matter, they seem content to do what they do.

As for me, I’ve always wanted more, or rather, something vastly different, as “more” implies judgment. Ever since I was a teenager, tween even, I've desired and still desire a different way of being, doing, and living my life. I could see it. I could feel it. It moved me to action on the one hand and terrified me on the other. Try as I might, I haven’t been able to let it go. In my imagination, my daydreams, I saw a preview of what my life could be and I cannot let it go.

As I’m pondering all of this, it hit me—the guilt I’ve been carrying with me since my tween, teenage, years for daring to want to be, do, and experience something different.

I have been that double-minded man spoken of in the Bible who asks yet wavers, attempting to walk the fence or tight rope between two worlds/two lives: the one that I truly want to experience and have long dreamed and continue to dream about—the one that keeps me up some nights and terrifies me—and the one that I think I’m supposed to experience because it’s the life that people like me live and it's "just the way things are." That other life, the one that haunts me, that’s for special people, other people, NOT ME people.

Granted, I have come close to stepping into that life in physical reality, damn close, throughout various periods of my adulthood only to watch it collapse like a stack of cards typically because of my actions. I’m only now realizing in this moment, that it hasn’t been so much my actions causing my dreams to collapse before me but my beliefs about what achieving them might mean for me and for those I care about. What will my friends think of me if I...? My family? My parents’ friends and associates?

I am a minister’s daughter after all and many of the dreams and desires for my life aren’t readily accepted among those in my or my family’s social circle of God-fearing Pentecostal Christians. Nor are they readily accepted as being appropriate or even achievable for members of my ethnic group or among the extended family consisting of the people who live/lived in the neighborhood in which I grew up—the people who have known me since my earliest memories of myself.

Fearing rejection, fearing loss of acceptance from my loved ones and, honestly, fearing the responsibility and the public scrutiny that can come with stepping into the spotlight, I self-sabotage. Trust me, this hasn’t been done consciously. Doesn’t matter though, as the results are the same. Rather than confidently heading in the directions of my dreams, I end up far off in the opposite direction.

If I were writing this five years ago, I would believe it’s part of God’s divine plan—that He is or was the one throwing up roadblocks because He wanted me to go in a different direction. I now know better. It is me and only me stopping me.

I want to be loved and accepted by those I love and care for, but at what price? When is the cost of fitting in and conforming too high? When is the sacrificing of your desires to please others too great? When is contracting oneself to avoid standing out so as not to risk being rejected/cut down by your tribe simply not worth the inner pain and suffering? Really, what does it profit a person (me) to gain the love of the whole world (or at least the people I know in this world) and lose her (my) very soul?

These are the questions plaguing my heart today. Truth, whenever I do that fitting in thing or contracting myself to be more acceptable to others, I always feel this “ick” afterward. I believe it’s my inner self’s way of calling me on my BS—“just stop it!”

I know the life I desire is here for me now; it is only waiting for me to choose it and commit to it. I also know that the universe, my external world, only ever reflects back to me what I am feeling or thinking internally. As long as I continue to believe that pursuing my dreams means being alienated from or rejected by those I love and care about, that will be my reality.

I have a choice to make and a life to live. Now's the time to get on with it. Teetering the fence between two lives is no longer a viable option for me.

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"All denial is self denial." Stuart Lindell, direct student of Neville Goddard

"If you construct in your mind a wall where there actually is none, you will force yourself to behave as though such a wall is actually pervasively in your way." Kidest Om

Changing States With Ease

For several weeks, I’ve been diving deeper, and deeper still, into the teachings of Neville Goddard. Admittedly, I don’t agree entirely with his interpretation of Biblical scriptures, yet his interpretations resonate with me as being for more closer to truth than many of those offered by the vast number of Biblical scholars, ministers, philosophers, New Agers and New Thought teachers, past or present.

This evening, I happened upon this awesome nugget from Neville. In one his lectures from 1968, Live the Answer Now, he shares how he helped a woman gain relief from her stomach ailment:

One day a lady in New York City came to see me regarding her stomach problems. While she was there we talked of higher things, and after the silence she returned to her home on Staten Island. Arriving there, she went into a favorite German restaurant and ate all the food she hadn't been able to eat in years, with no ill effects. I didn't give this lady any pills. I don't even know what a stomach looks like! I simply got this lady to move from the state that had the bad stomach!

And the timing couldn’t have been more perfect as I have for about two days now been experiencing stomach discomfort that was preventing me from fully enjoying my food. Despite what one might assume based upon my slim physique, I enjoy great tasting food, even some rich and fatty foods, and believe that food should be enjoyed.

The entire lecture is pretty awesome. I highly recommend reading it. A quick Google search will yield several sites offering free versions of the lecture. Or, you can search YouTube for an audio of the lecture.

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Dream nobly. Dream better than the best you know. Neville Goddard

Is it Time to Change Your Story?

“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it.” – Jordan Belfort (the Wolf of Wall Street)

I included the above quote at the bottom of my last post, but felt the need to highlight it today after reading an article on LinkedIn about a woman in India, paralyzed from the neck down, who earns R 2,00,000 monthly (the approx. equivalent of $3,111 U.S. dollars).

According to the article, the woman, Sujata, was injured in a car accident while returning home with her family one evening in 2001. The accident caused severe damage to her spinal cord and after months of treatment, doctors determined she would not be able to walk again. She was only 21.

Concerned about becoming a financial burden to her family, Sujata wanted to find a way to earn money while being at home. Based on advice from friends, she decided to begin investing in the stock market. It was difficult at first, she says, to type on her laptop because of her paralysis. She now easily uses her laptop to do trades.

Sujata has become so successful at trading that she is now financially self-reliant, earning R 2,00,000 to R 2,50,000 every month. She has also started an organization to work with children who have spinal cord injuries.

You can read the full story written by Dr. Vivek Bindra on LinkedIn.

It’s well past time I let go of my BS story. How about you?

Need more inspiration? Check this out.

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"Change your story, change your life." – Tony Robbins

"You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." – Martin Luther King, Jr.

Disregarding Appearances

Live your life in a sublime spirit of confidence and determination; disregard appearances, conditions, in fact all evidence of the senses that deny the fulfillment of your desire. Rest in the assumption that you are already what you want to be. – Neville Goddard


This journey I’m on feels scary and even lonely at times, yet I’m determined, fiercely so, to get through all of the current drama and step into my preferred reality of abundance, divine health, eternal youthfulness, fun, love, joy, peace, adventure—my life of sheer and utter bliss!!

To paraphrase the main character from one of my favorite movies, Auntie Mame, life’s a banquet serving up all sorts of amazing experiences, but most people are choosing to starve instead, or consume the same lame meal day after day after day.

Not me. I'm choosing to enjoy life's banquet offerings. I'm choosing to be, to feel myself into amazingly exciting experiences and the life of my choice. I’m choosing to believe that my desires and dreams, no matter how outrageous others think them, are not only possible, but already are.

And how will it all come about? I don’t know, but I’m choosing to trust that it’s all happening now. Even in those moments, especially in those moments, when external circumstances suggest it ain’t so.

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"For we walk by faith, not by sight." – 2 Corinthians 5:7 

“You can’t be Average and Amazing – at the same time.” – Mr Twenty Twenty (Life Coach, FreeNeville.com)

Worthy or Unworthy—Who Cares?

Let's settle something in your/my psyche once and for all: Worthiness is not a requirement for you to experience any of the good you desire.

Some years ago, I remember my mom speaking in church one Sunday about how God causes the sun to shine on the evil and the good, and lets the rain fall on the just and unjust alike. It’s in the Bible, really. (Matthew 5:45) Anyway, the basic premise of her message that Sunday morning was that goodness, abundance, and great blessings are daily available to all. Much like the sun rays, all you have to do is soak it in, as much as you want. (BTW: Sunlight is an excellent natural source of vitamin D, just don’t over do it. My own doctor suggests I spend about 15 to 20 minutes in direct sunlight before slathering on the SPF. Natural sunlight is also a great mood enhancer.)

So many times we unknowingly block our blessings and goodness because of issues concerning our worth. Think about it. How many times have you been gifted with something you deem extravagant, and your first reaction is: "Oh, you shouldn't have?" Or, how many times have you struggled just this week to accept even a simple compliment like “You look beautiful today” or “you’re such a good cook,” without feeling uneasy or compelled to explain all the reasons why you’re unworthy of such praise? “Thank you, your so kind, but I don’t deserve it.” Maybe you didn’t, but I guarantee you probably also didn’t deserve/earn all of the crap you’ve experienced in your life either. So, get over it!

Worthy or unworthy—who cares? Just accept the gifts and blessings when they come. Allow yourself to experience and enjoy all the good you desire. I intend to.

And as a final note: The quickest way to open yourself up to a bevy of goodness that you just don’t deserve (so say you) is to let go of judgments about other people deserving or not deserving the great blessings and goodness flowing into their lives. MYOB!

How Neville Goddard Changed My Life

Let me begin my stating that I was going to call this post " An Ode to Neville Goddard," but that would have required me to actually write a poem, which I’m not in the mood to do. I did feel inspired today to pay tribute to this great teacher whom I’ve never met, yet consider a mentor—a very beloved mentor.

I discovered Neville Goddard’s teachings about four years ago while reading Wayne Dyer’s book, Wishes Fulfilled. Dyer makes several references to Neville Goddard and how his teachings helped to inform his philosophy of life. Intrigued by some of the quotes included in the book, I decided to learn more about Mr. Goddard and his teachings.

It didn't take very long as there was plenty of information readily available all over the Internet. He taught over 475 lectures and published 10 books beginning around the 1950s until his death in 1972. There are numerous websites devoted to sharing his teachings that were created by people who are/were influenced by him. He is in fact considered by many to be among the greatest New Thought leaders of his day, and even now.

Neville Goddard’s teachings have certainly for over four years informed my own transformation and my views about life and what is possible for me. Through his vast lectures, many of which can be heard on YouTube, I’ve come to understand a great deal about the powerful role my thoughts, imagination, and feelings have in shaping my circumstances. I have as a result learned to pay more attention to the thoughts I’m thinking, what I am feeling and what I am imagining at any given moment.

His teachings have helped me to create some pretty amazing experiences by shifting my thoughts, feelings and emotions away from what I’m not enjoying to what I would prefer. They have also helped me to release years of buried guilt and shame—emotions that will absolutely prevent you from living your best life. For better or worse, our thoughts create our feelings and beliefs, which determine our choices, which determine our actions, which determine our experiences. As Neville would put it: “Nothing comes from without; all things come from within.”

Among my favorite Neville quotes are the following:

“Man, if he is in control of his own imagination, is in control of the phenomena of his life. He is not the victim of circumstances; circumstances are the creatures of himself.”

"Do not compromise. Decide exactly what you want and assume you have it. If your world would change, determine what it would look like; then construct a scene which would imply you are there."

“Disregard appearances, conditions, in fact disregard all evidence of your senses that deny the fulfillment of your desire. Rest in the assumption that you already are what you want to be. For in that determined assumption, you and your infinite being are merged in creative unity. And with your infinite being (God) all things are possible.”

The last one, which Wayne Dyer quotes specifically in Wishes Fulfilled, is one that I meditate on day and night and especially in those moments where I began to feel like life’s victim. It isn’t as some might conclude an invitation to ignore what is happening around me, like an ostrich with her head in the sand. It is an invitation to remain focused on my desired destination or outcome in spite of what I am seeing or experiencing. My current circumstances, problems, challenges may be real now, but reality isn’t static—it is constantly changing. Focusing on the problem only serves to keep me stuck in the problem, exactly where I don’t want to be. Maintaining laser-like focus on my aim will move me towards it.

I’ve read nearly all of Neville’s lectures, many of which you can access for free at realneville.com. (The PDFs only; the audios you'll need to buy.) In addition, I’ve purchased several of his books. Among them: Feeling is the Secret, Your Faith is Your Fortune, Power of Awareness, Awakened Imagination, Prayer: The Art of Believing, and At Your Command.

I recommend all of them with the caveat that you will 1) need to read through them multiple times to grasp the meaning of what he’s saying, yet it’s worth it, and 2) need to keep an open mind. If you think your way, or your parents’ way, or your pastor’s way of understanding scripture or the Bible is the only way it can be understood, or perhaps you aren’t Christian and not open to discussions of scripture, your mind will simply not allow you to glean from Neville’s work the valuable insight that he offers. It is my personal belief that his teachings can benefit anyone, regardless of religious affiliation or even if you don’t adhere to any.

Neville’s teachings offer the opportunity to stop playing victim and take responsibility for your life. If your life is a hot mess and you accept that you’re the one who created the mess, then that means you also have power to create something better and it doesn’t matter how the economy is doing, who gets elected president, or whether your boss is a jerk. Your “savior,” Neville would suggest, is within, not without. What could be more empowering than that?

Below are a couple of my favorite Neville Goddard videos. I sometimes listen to these as I’m going to sleep.

 Facts Have Over Flowed the World

 How Abdullah Taught the Law

Neville discusses what he learned from his mentor Abdullah, an Ethiopian Jew, about the power of imagination.

More Powerful Than You Know

In one of my posts last month, “Something to Think About,” I referenced the following quote that I believed was attributed to Nelson Mandela.

"Our greatest fear is not that we are powerless, but that we are far more powerful than we think."

I've since learned, after some research, that although many attribute the statement to Mandela, it was stated by Marianne Williamson in her book, A Return to Love. Read in context, the message is even more compelling:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

Each of us was created for a purpose—to solve a problem that no one else can. And we have within us all that we need accomplish the task. Hard as it may be to believe, it is no less true. What will you do with this truth?

Instrument of Peace

If you want to change the world, you must begin with yourself. That's what I've been learning this month. It is very easy to complain about a matter, but quite another to do something about it. Sometimes, just a simple adjustment in attitude or perspective is all that's required to turn a bad situation around and open the door to all the beauty and joy life offers.

Almost every morning when I was in high school, my classmates and I recited the following Prayer of Saint Francis as a reminder that within each of us is the power to change our world. Any person whose heart is yielded in love to God can be used by Him to make a difference.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

Buy a cup of coffee for that surly co-worker. Offer to pick up groceries for your elderly neighbor. Exercise patience with that hard-to-please customer. Share your lunch with the homeless guy outside your office. Let the other driver have that prime parking space that you saw first. Check up on a friend whose been MIA. Choose to walk in love. Choose to walk in forgiveness. Choose to live in hope. Choose to believe in the impossible. And watch the world around you transform.

Live the Amazing Life

"Life's a b**tch, and then you die," so say the cynics and pessimists.

But no matter what you are going through right now, no matter how difficult, challenging, painful or even deeply tragic your current circumstances, there is one truth you simply must hold onto: You are meant to have an amazing life!

You are meant to have a life of abundant love, joy, peace, friends, health, and assorted other blessings—material and spiritual. So if you find yourself in a hard place right now, simply repeat the following to yourself over and over and over again with all the conviction and enthusiasm you can muster (shout if necessary):

I am meant to have an amazing life!

I know it isn't easy (oh boy, how I know!). Throughout the day we're often inundated with bad news from all corners of the globe: earthquakes, tsunamis, flooding, wars, health scares, collapsing  economies and rising unemployment. And in your own life, it can sometimes seem that everything— career, health, family, relationships, finances, even your mind—is falling apart. Or maybe it's just one thing that makes you want to pull the covers over your head when the alarm sounds in the morning.

Again, no matter what's going on around you, repeat this one truth until it permeates your spirit:

I am meant to have an amazing life!

Now go be amazing!

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. –Winston Churchill
If you don't think every day is a good day, just try missing one. –Cavett Robert

Being Christian

Being a Christian is not something I take lightly, nor is it something in which I find cause to personally boast. Rather than turning people to Christ, boasting only serves to turn them away. 

I'll admit that there was a time when I spoke of being Christian with an air of superiority as though I had done some great thing to earn this title, but I've since learned I've nothing to brag about. Of my own, I am nothing and without Him, I can do nothing. I did not choose Him—He chose me. And as I am still a work in progress, on a good day I can seem like a bit of a hot mess.

Yet Jesus still loves me, which is one of the many reasons my earnest desire is that everyone could experience the unconditional, unending, unfailing love of Jesus. He is altogether lovely, holy, perfect, righteous, and so much more. As a believer, Christ graciously allows me the privilege of demonstrating His mercy and love through the way I interact with others. I was considering this when I discovered the following poem today on the Internet, which helped to remind me that as I walk in humility before Him, I allow others to better see Christ in me.

When I Say I Am Christian

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin,' I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

'When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride. I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong. I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success. I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect. My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou, I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Written by Carol Wimmer 

As a Man Thinks

"Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man,

Though my mind could think I still was a mad man,

I hear the voices when I'm dreamin', I can hear them say…."

Carry On My Wayward Son by Kansas ©1976

Browsing the Internet, I came across the most stunning quote/question: "If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would that person be your friend?"

I've realized for some time that I tend to be my harshest critic—I think most of us tend to be—but coming across this quote gave me pause, especially since my initial answer was "not bloody long!" One of my dearest friends is likely laughing if she reads this blog because she is constantly having to remind me to stop "tearing yourself down." It's as if I don't even realize sometimes the damaging words I say or even think about myself, yet much like my friend, I am quick to point out when others say mean things about themselves.

Why do we say things about ourselves that we would never accept from a friend, or an enemy for that matter? Are we trying to be humble? Or just being "real"? And how do the things that we say about ourselves inform our decisions, our relationships, our lives?

"...Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." (Matthew 12:34)

For over a week now I've been hearing these words in my spirit: "Discipline your thoughts." And suddenly, I get it. Throughout my lifetime, I've accepted many thoughts/words spoken to or about me without any discernment as to whether they were true or false, life-giving or life-destroying. They've become so much a part of my consciousness that I speak them to myself, shaping my reality for better or worse.

As a social science major, I can confirm that psychologists have supported this truth for years. And yet long before modern theories of self-fulfilling prophecy and cognitive dissonance or New Age ideology or the "Little Engine That Could," Solomon, who's wisdom came directly from God, wrote in Proverbs that as "a man thinks, so is he." I've read this verse many times. Some seeds take a really long time to germinate, but grow and blossom they do.

Lord, help me to lay aside every thought about me that is contrary to what you say about me.

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer." - Psalm 19:14