Worthy or Unworthy—Who Cares?

Let's settle something in your/my psyche once and for all: Worthiness is not a requirement for you to experience any of the good you desire.

Some years ago, I remember my mom speaking in church one Sunday about how God causes the sun to shine on the evil and the good, and lets the rain fall on the just and unjust alike. It’s in the Bible, really. (Matthew 5:45) Anyway, the basic premise of her message that Sunday morning was that goodness, abundance, and great blessings are daily available to all. Much like the sun rays, all you have to do is soak it in, as much as you want. (BTW: Sunlight is an excellent natural source of vitamin D, just don’t over do it. My own doctor suggests I spend about 15 to 20 minutes in direct sunlight before slathering on the SPF. Natural sunlight is also a great mood enhancer.)

So many times we unknowingly block our blessings and goodness because of issues concerning our worth. Think about it. How many times have you been gifted with something you deem extravagant, and your first reaction is: "Oh, you shouldn't have?" Or, how many times have you struggled just this week to accept even a simple compliment like “You look beautiful today” or “you’re such a good cook,” without feeling uneasy or compelled to explain all the reasons why you’re unworthy of such praise? “Thank you, your so kind, but I don’t deserve it.” Maybe you didn’t, but I guarantee you probably also didn’t deserve/earn all of the crap you’ve experienced in your life either. So, get over it!

Worthy or unworthy—who cares? Just accept the gifts and blessings when they come. Allow yourself to experience and enjoy all the good you desire. I intend to.

And as a final note: The quickest way to open yourself up to a bevy of goodness that you just don’t deserve (so say you) is to let go of judgments about other people deserving or not deserving the great blessings and goodness flowing into their lives. MYOB!

Demonstrating Real Strength

I discovered the following quote on the Internet several months ago and it really resonated with me. Still does.

Make Every Day Lovely

It's the first day of a new week. How's your day going? Is it so far all that you hoped, planned, intended?

If not, don't accept it. Stop what your doing right now and revise it. In your mind's eye imagine that your day is exactly as you want it to be. Really allow yourself to feel, touch, hear, experience all that you want to feel, touch, hear and experience.

I learned this principle or revising my day from Neville Goddard. He spoke of it numerous times in his lectures and his books. And, while I don't use it consistently, which would be helpful to me if I did, I do use it and have found it does work wonders not only for my mood, but in helping to transform my day so that I do experience more of what I would like.

In Neville's own words...

If you take me seriously today, tonight do not let the sun descend upon any vexation of the day. Just look at it, don't deny it, don't duck it, look at it that you may prune it and then reshape it. Take the conversations with your friends today, were they pleasant, were they arguments, no matter what it is, were they negative? 

Then rewrite the script and just imagine the conversation to have taken place that now you are rewriting for the first time. And it will take place, for everything in your world that you behold, though it appears without, it is within, in your imagination. And this wonderful imagination of yours is Christ Jesus. Imagination is the actual habitation of every created thing. No matter what you see in the world, it springs from your imagination. So that's where you go, that's the workshop, the garden of God.

I can't say that I understand fully how or why it works, I only know that it does work, much in the same way that I know when I put my foot on the gas pedal of a car, the car will move (provided there's gas in the car). I don't understand all the mechanics or physics behind it, I just do it and the car goes. You don't always need to know how something works to benefit from it's working.

So just try it—revise your day your way. Even if your day isn't transformed, I believe it will be, you will absolutely feel better.

What is the Most Important Thing About Me?

I borrowed the title for this post from a lecture given by Neville Goddard that I was listening to you this evening. It’s among one of my favorites. He shares about a woman who wrote to him of a vision in which she was taking a test and asked the question: What is the most important thing about me? 

I pondered the answer myself as I listened and reached the same conclusion as the woman of whom Neville spoke: I AM! 

To the unenlightened this might sound like an egotistical claim; however, the truth is that before I, or you, can be anything, do anything, have anything, or create anything in this world, we must first BE. The most important thing about you and me is that we exist—we simply are. Sit with that thought for just a moment. How does it make you feel? I live. I move. I have being. I have awareness. How wonderful is that?

Hear more of what Neville has to say about your wonderful I AMness.

Child of Grace

A few weeks ago, I was reading an e-book by Pam Grout, author of E² and the sequel E³, both of which I enjoyed, about the importance of exploring and using our creative aspects. The book, Create or Die, suggests really cool exercises for flexing your creative muscles.

One of her suggested exercises was to create a title for your autobiography. The exercise didn’t require you write the autobiography, unless you wanted to, only to come up with what you would consider a clever and appropriate way to describe to your life. I came up with a few, but none really wowed me or seemed to fully capture the essence of who I believe myself to be or how I would describe my life, if I were going to craft my autobiography.

Today, while out and about enjoying the beautiful spring day, I decided to reach out to one of my former neighbors just to say "hello" and let her know I was thinking of her. I had intended to stop by for a visit since I was near my old neighborhood, but when she didn’t answer her phone I returned to my mom’s house.

Early this evening, she returned my call and expressed disappointment that she didn’t answer when I called earlier as she would have loved for me to have stopped by. Anyway, we had lovely chat, catching up on how things had been going since we last talked. She’s a feisty young woman of about 85 and I really do miss the regular chats we’d have when I lived just downstairs from her. I asked about her son, whom I knew had been diagnosed with throat cancer and was undergoing treatment. Turns out, he’s doing well and his treatments are over. Hooray!! He was still experiencing some pain she said, but I assured her that would go away in time, having went through something similar about 6 years ago when I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. The subject moved to my dad and how his death caught me and my siblings by surprise and we're still coming to terms with it, yet how we were happy to have recently celebrated another birthday with my mom, although she can be a challenge to care for. “You guys are doing the best you can. That’s all you can do,” my neighbor offered. “I’m sure both your parents appreciate it.”

She also shared that she and my other former neighbors really miss me being around. I appreciated hearing that—it actually felt good to hear that—as I have been feeling a bit isolated and forgotten, since moving back into my parents’ home, even before that really. I don't care how many self-help books tout the value of not needing to hear others expressing good thoughts about you to feel good—it feels really great when others do express their appreciation of your presence. It’s also funny how sometimes when you reach out to someone just to say “hello” or encourage them, they end up encouraging you. I suppose it’s true, you get what you give.

Being a “student,” so to speak, of Neville Goddard, I know that my outer world is merely a reflection of my inner state and, admittedly, I have inwardly been feeling a bit unsocial like I just wanted to be left alone or needed to hide from the world. My frightened inner child who just wants to feel safe, can occasionally, if I let her, wreak havoc with my life. I’ve been feeling like I’m broken, damaged somehow, and just not really wanting anyone to see me until I can fix whatever it is that’s broken. Last night, I made a decision to change that—no more hiding for me. I am not broken; I am fearfully and wonderfully made. As for my frightened inner child, I took her hand and told her she is safe and accepted.

And today, my outer world began to reflect that, as I smiled at strangers (some of them! Let’s be real, some strangers should not be smiled at.) and they smiled back at me. As an added bonus, thanks to my neighbor, I now have the perfect title for my autobiography: Child of Grace. 

It was how she referred to me as she was saying good-bye, and as soon as I heard it, I knew: “That’s it! That's my life!”

It’s how my mother, before she became ill, would sometimes refer to me. She even bought me a key chain eons ago with my name that reads: "Her name is noble and full of grace." Grace speaks to how I’ve always tried to carry myself, with poise and elegance, even in the midst of crappy experiences. And if I am honest, with myself at least, I would have to admit that despite all the seemingly crappy experiences I’ve had over the past several months, or though out my life time for that matter, my life has been filled with many remarkable moments of grace—goodness that I never anticipated and couldn’t possibly have earned, including a loving family, wonderful friends and wonderful neighbors.

My mother gave this to me eons ago. It's been through a lot as have I.

Embarking on a Journey to Explore My True Nature

It has been nearly three months since my dad passed away, and I really do miss him very much. Still, I cling doggedly to my faith and belief in miracles, including supernatural healing, despite what appears to have been an unanswered prayer regarding my dad’s return to health.

I continue to perfect my faith. I continue to grow, to study, and to learn. I have learned that there can be no room for doubt or unbelief when awaiting the manifestation of your desired outcomes—those things about which you have prayed. Doubt and unbelief are like weeds—they will choke the life out of the thing you are believing for before it even has a chance to bud. Remaining steadfast and unmovable, even in the face of failure, is not an option, it is a must.

And I believe the failure to be my own—not dealing with the weeds. I refuse to give myself an out and fall back on worn, faithless, so-called spiritual clichés like "God knows best." or "It was just his time." I allowed weeds to spring up and grow uncontrolled in my mind. I let my physical eyes and ears tell me what was possible, rather than relying on my spiritual eyes and ears. My faith is not yet perfected.

Perhaps, it will never be while I am in this physical body; however, I will continue expanding and continue exploring who I am and what is truly possible for me to accomplish, to have, and to experience. I am certain there is so much more that we are capable of being and experiencing than we allow ourselves because we limit our abilities to that which our physical bodies can do, or we think they can do. But we are not simply our bodies. We are the life force that animates these bodies. We are infinite beings connected to an Infinite Power that created a vast, endless universe, of which we see only a tiny fraction. As Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet: "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

I am excited about this journey to explore the true essence/nature of me and discover what I’m really capable of creating and experiencing. I believe this is the sole purpose of life.

The Trouble with Signs and Omens—Seeing with Faith

In the weeks preceding my dad’s death in late December 2016, I kept seeing the number 111. I'd see it quite frequently whenever I looked at my phone or a clock to check the time, but I’d also see the numbers on a sign posted along the road, or while out walking I’d look up and notice a house address with "111."

It freaked me out since I had learned from someone who seemed knowledgeable in numerology and the significance of numbers in various religious/spiritual traditions that "111" was the number of death. Was the frequency at which I was suddenly seeing “111” a sign or warning?

Absolutely not a thought I wanted to entertain, particularly given the situation with my dad’s health. There certainly did seem to be quite a lot of discussion about death or reports of death occurring during the last weeks of 2016. During the final two weeks of December, I had received numerous texts from my sister about the deaths of celebrities like Alan Thicke, George Michael, Connie Fisher and then her mom Debbie Reynolds. Then there were the  members of spiritual communities talking about 2016 representing the death of dreams and old ways of being or doing things.

Following my dad’s death, I assumed that I would no longer be inundated with sightings of “111" because... Yet, I continued seeing the dreaded triplet, not as frequently, but far more often than I wanted. Really, universe?! Enough, already! Send me another message, please!!

Funny how the mind works. Today while studying about faith—true, steadfast faith—I saw the number "111" again. And while it may sound cliché, in the moment I saw the number on my computer, I felt as if a light had been turned on inside my mind.

Hebrews 11:1 - Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (NIV)

It is quite possible that my constantly noticing the number “111” with such regularity over the past 12 weeks was mere coincidence—provided you believe in coincidences—sparked by the information I had learned from the numerology expert. But, might it perhaps be possible that it was intended as a message from the universe, and one that I had misinterpreted?

Rather than being an omen warning me of some impending loss or heartbreak, what if seeing “111” was intended as a message to my subconscious to remain steadfast in faith and focused on the things I had been hoping for. There were many moments, far too many, during the last few months of 2016 when I allowed myself to become fixated on the dire circumstances and events happening around me and made decisions from a place of fear. I began judging situations and reacting to them based solely on what I was seeing, hearing, and experiencing. Some might call that a rational approach to life. It may well be, but it is also a very limiting approach because what I can see, know, or experience with my physical senses is very limited. In fact, with my physical eyes I can perceive only a small fraction of what is actually right now in front of me, which is why I can see the same movie a dozen times and notice something new each time. The same goes for my hearing and other senses.

I don't want to be limited by my present or even past circumstances. It is my desire now as it has been for many years to experience more, and still more. I want to create a life that is expansive, always abounding, beyond what I, or my parents or anyone could imagine. Such a life requires faith. It requires the ability to believe what can’t already be seen. It requires you to believe that because you have imagined it and are stepping toward it, it will come to pass. It requires you to disregard present conditions and circumstances that suggests your dreams and desires aren’t possible. It requires you to ignore the suggestions of well-meaning family, friends, and others who tell you to be more rational, play it safe, or give up. It requires you to ignore the voices in your own mind telling you it won’t work, it’s impossible, or it’s too late.

Living by faith is not an easy way to live. Often, it can feel extremely frightening like having to walk through the woods in the dark blindfolded (I’ve done it, don’t ask), and even lonely. You risk your friends and family thinking you're reckless, irresponsible, or just nuts. (Perhaps this is what prompted Peter to refer to the early Christians he wrote to in his letter as a "peculiar" people.) Living by faith is not for the faint of heart. Yet, I cannot now live otherwise, nor do I want to.

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me.” Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) Hillsong United 

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"Faith is to believe what you do not see and the reward
of that faith is to see what you believe." St. Augustine

"For we live by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7