It's a Good Year

"Our seedtime is that moment in time when you and I react to anything in this world. It may be to an object, it may be to an individual, it may be to a bit of news that we have overheard, but the moment of reaction, that emotional response, is our attitude. Our attitudes are the seed times of life, and although we may not remember the seedtime or the moment of response, nature never forgets, and when it suddenly appears in our world…” – Neville Goddard

My sister just sent me a text about the death of actor Alan Thicke, most well-known for his role as the dad on Growing Pains. “2016 strikes again,” she wrote. My deepest condolences to his family and friends.

As this year comes to a close, I've lost track of all the times I've heard others refer to 2016 as the year of "hell." I've said it myself. And I suppose at first, or last, glance, 2016 is deserving of its reputation as a "hell of a year" as a lot of really crazy sh@@t happened this year, depending on how one defines such. The year certainly offered numerous shocking events and situations that might cause some to judge the year as chaotic, confusing, discordant, heartbreaking, or even tragic. Even the most optimistic in the positive thinking/LOA communities have bemoaned the year for numerous reasons, suggesting that dimensional shifts and unusual planetary alignments designed to uproot our collective deep-seated darkness so it can be healed is responsible for creating all the upheaval and turmoil.

But what if the truth is that 2016 wasn't really any different from any other year? Celebrities, politicians, heads of states, and regular folks die during the course of every year—that’s a given. Chaotic, confusing, discordant, heartbreaking, and tumultuous events and circumstances also occur with regularity during any year, depending on how you perceive what’s happening around you. And individuals and groups have been committing hostile, divisive, and hateful acts since Cain slew Abel. The only constant about reality on planet earth is that change is inevitable; some changes we might welcome and some, not so much.

Still, could it be that the challenges, upheaval, unpleasant events, etc., that occurred during 2016 weren’t the result of some mysterious energetic or dimensional shift, cosmic forces, or even a vengeful God preparing to exact judgment on His creation?

Could it be that the significance many of us have attached to 2016 is unwarranted and that it is just a year like any other, a measurement of the orbital period of the Earth moving in its orbit around the Sun, but our collective (or individual) choice during this particular orbital period to focus ad nauseam on the "craziness"—the chaos, confusion, heartbreak, discord, division—via the news, social media, and coffee-shop conversations, made it seem more significant, more challenging?

"If you believe in the horrors of the world as they are given to you in the paper and on television, your belief causes the horrors to continue." – Neville Goddard 

One thing I’ve learned through the teachings of Neville Goddard is that which we focus on continually and give our emotional energy to, we will continually create into our reality—in some form or another. If we daily focus our attention on the mayhem, turmoil, and chaos happening in the world, and react to it, we will experience more of the same in the world and in our own lives. In other words, you only notice what you’re focused on noticing.

Some years ago I bought a Toyota Highlander. In the years before I bought it, I don’t recall ever seeing a Highlander on the street. In fact, when it was suggested to me that I buy one, I searched for information about it via Google because I hadn't heard of a Highlander before and knew nothing about it. Several months after buying one, I “suddenly” started seeing Highlanders everywhere, still do. What this shows me is that for all the craziness I, and others, chose to fixate upon in 2016, there are likely other events, more pleasant and positive events that I missed or that faded from my attention, which if I had focused on those might very well have opened up the possibility for me to experience even more pleasant and desired situations.

With 18 days remaining in 2016, it’s not too late. It’s never too late as long as you still have breath in your body to transform your circumstances, experiences, life.

Stuff happens all day, every day. What you focus on and give your emotional energy to is your choice. So, if 2016 hasn’t turned out quite the way you had hoped—if your dreams didn’t manifest as you intended and you got distracted by the crazy—don’t blame the year, the moon, the planets, or anything outside of yourself, just shift your focus to whatever thoughts, news, or images fill your heart with joy. Whatever you focus on expands.

...if you can believe and persuade yourself that things are as you want them to be to the point of actually moving into the feeling they are true, they will be felt and seen in your world. – Neville Goddard

Setting My Face Like a Flint–Closing Out 2016 Strong

And the Lord Jehovah giveth help to me, Therefore I have not been ashamed, Therefore I have set my face as a flint, And I know that I am not ashamed. Isaiah 50:7 (Young’s Literal Translation)

I’m feeling both calm and anxious at this very moment. As I sit at my parents’ home, I am grateful that all is mostly quiet, except for the “whale” song playing in the background. It seems to calm and/or relax my dad. Although it creeped me out at first, I’ve grown used to it and find it strangely calming also.

As 2016 winds down, I could spend a lot of time and energy trying to figure out how I got into the present situation in which I find myself—living in the basement of a friend of my sister-in-law after selling my condo to help get out from under significant debt. It certainly isn’t where I want or imagined I would be as 2016 comes to a close—but I would much rather spend my time and energy now imagining next steps to get me to where it is I intend to be: living in great abundance, happiness, and health, surrounded by a loving, supportive and ambitious tribe of people who don’t just think but live outside the box. In fact, for us there is no box.

I listened yesterday to an interesting podcast from motivational guru Tony Robbins where he focused on the three keys to a breakthrough:

1. State. Your thoughts and feelings.
2. Story. What you say about yourself. For most of us, it's the BS excuses we have for living mediocre lives.
3. Strategy. The steps you take to get you to specific outcomes.

Again today I came across another blogger whose name I don’t recall, but who follows Neville Goddard’s teachings, and he reiterated the value of changing your state and corresponding story before even considering changing your strategy.

I could easily, I suppose, as many people I know are doing call 2016 a bust as year’s go, but it isn’t over yet. Instead I’ve decided to play this year out until the end believing that anything is possible. Things could totally turnaround overnight. In fact, I’m counting on it. I've experienced some of my best, most miraculous moments under pressure—when all seemed hopeless. I simply have to move beyond the fear and the doubt that’s been plaguing me for several months. I intend to move beyond it, whatever it takes.

There is and will always be a warrior within who doesn’t give up, doesn’t quit, doesn’t take down. There is a warrior within who knows with every aspect of her being that the challenges of life are not overcome necessarily by the strongest, or the swiftest, or the smartest, or the most well-connected, but by the ones who endure always to the end. Or, as Tony Robbins might say “the ones most hungry to win.”

I am hungry, voracious might be the better word, and decidedly determined to end 2016 on a high note. I am also determined to trust myself and know that all the answers and solutions I need right now are already within.

“I have set my face like a flint….,” said the prophet Isaiah, and so say I. I looked it up. Flint is an extremely hard stone, a variety of quartz, often used to strike fires. The beauty in taking full responsibility for your life—the good and the not-so-great—is knowing that the same creative power you used to burn it to the ground can be used to rebuild it better than ever.

I will do whatever I need to in order to be who I want to be, have what I want to have, and do what I want to do, beginning with changing my state—my thoughts and feelings—and my story. “Once upon a time there was a woman who used to be… , but now is …”

Mindset is everything.

Two Days Before Thanksgiving

It’s two days before Thanksgiving, that time of year where we’re reminded to count the many blessings that we’ve received throughout the year, even our lifetime. I’m feeling a bit like an emotional wreck, yet I persevere.

It has felt like a tough few days of taking care of my parents and packing to move out of my home of 20 years. And today, I attended the funeral service of my sister-in-law’s brother. He wasn’t much older than me, which I hadn’t realized, although I’ve known him since I was about 9 or 10 years old. I always liked him a lot. He was genuinely kind and generous, and rather funny. He seemed to enjoy taking care of people. I learned today he was a Virgo, so that makes sense.

My sister-in-law and he were deeply devoted to each other. In fact, she spent the last few weeks of his life driving about 30 miles back and forth to his home to help care for him and was at his side when he died.

Sitting in the very large and elaborately decorated sanctuary of the Catholic church where his services were held this morning, I was reminded of how quickly our reality can change, sometimes in ways we don’t want. It was just a few months ago, my sister-in-law was sharing with me her brother’s excitement about meeting Pope Francis this year when he visited the city and the church where he worked. With only 38 days remaining in this year, I spent my morning sitting in the same church with her brother's family, co-workers, and friends celebrating his life and saying our final “good-byes.”

I was not only struck by the beauty and elegance of the church with its high cathedral ceilings and stained glass, statues and pictures of Jesus and the saints everywhere—as a graduate of Catholic high school and having a great appreciation for Renaissance art, I’m always impressed by the architecture and décor of Catholic churches—I was also struck by the majesty and beauty of the funeral mass, and the warm, loving, and encouraging words spoken by the priest who knew him well. He spoke of his great love for his family and friends and of his commitment to serving the parishioners of his church, always with a smile. He told of how her brother always went out of his way to encourage and help someone because he believed in uplifting people.

As I looked at my sister-in-law, I could see and feel the sorrow in her heart. I wanted to do something for her, but what is there really to do or say at such a moment? Today, she was burying her brother whom she loved deeply and had cared for and he had cared for her. They expected to grow old together, to share many more laughs at cookouts and family dinners, and have more time to talk trash to each other while playing cards. What could one possibly say or do other than be present? There really are no words that provide comfort. No words that stop the "why's," "what if's," and "if only's" from flooding your mind. Having twice experienced a similar loss—the deaths of both my youngest and oldest brother—I could say that I understand her grief, but it isn't true, not really. Feelings of grief and sorrow are very personal. Yet remembering what I felt when my brothers died, my heart felt broken for my sister-in-law going through it now.

My heart felt broken also for his wife who was willing to do whatever it took, pay any amount of money, to spend another Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s and all the days in between and thereafter with the man she loved. I can relate to this, yet cannot claim to understand her grief either. I do know that feeling of being willing to do whatever it takes, pay whatever it costs to be with the one you love. Love can be that powerful you want it to last forever, or as long as you can make it last, and are willing to sacrifice all for it, if necessary.

Seated with my sister and grand-niece, my mind wandered to the last time I was in a church with my sister-in-law for a funeral service. Eleven years ago, we sat in a different church to say “good-bye” to her son, my nephew. My grand-niece now seated next to me was seated next to her then to say “good-bye” to a father she had barely had the opportunity to know. More heartbreak that no words could ease. Only time, perhaps, and the joy of caring for the now nearly adult daughter he gifted her with.

It's two days before Thanksgiving, and I know there’s much for me to be grateful for. I know this. In spite of how I'm feeling right now and all the challenges I’ve faced this year—the setbacks and disappointments—I am alive and, at least until the end of the month, have a roof over my head and a comfortable, warm bed to sleep in. I have a family who loves me and helpful neighbors. I’m able to hear and see and walk without assistance. I have money in the bank, clothes, food, and my funky purple laptop to post my thoughts to this blog. Tomorrow I’m going to spend part of my day packing and part of my day with my grand-niece and grand-nephew, both of whom are home from their respective colleges. I am grateful to be able to do that.

I am also grateful for the courage, humor, and hope that my sister-in-law’s brother showed me is possible, during even the most dire and frightening of circumstances. No one may ever know or understand why he succumbed to the disease that he’d been fighting so hard for several months to overcome, but fight he did for his life, for his sake and the sake of those he loved. I believe he had much he was grateful for and wanted to live for—his family, his friends, his work/calling—and more dreams yet to fulfill, more lives to impact. He fought as best he could for another day, and another, and another to be with those he loved and see more of his dreams realized. We who still live should do likewise.

"Don't count the days; make the days count." - Muhammad Ali

What Would Jesus Really Do?

“He Himself took our infirmities And bore our sicknesses.” - Matthew 8:17

I am not your typical Christian, and I do still consider myself Christian although I haven’t been to church in more than three years. I am absolutely, I think, of the heretical variety at least according to the teachings you hear espoused in a many American churches today. I’m okay with that. If I am honest with myself and with others, what I am at my core is a seeker—a seeker of truth, a seeker of wisdom, a seeker of understanding.

Tonight, I write this from my parents’ home. They require 24/7 care, at least at this moment, and it’s my night to sit with them. My father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s related dementia about three years ago. A few months ago, he fell while walking down the stairs in his home. In addition to a broken elbow, which has now healed, he’s has since demonstrated significant changes in cognitive function that no one in the medical profession has been able to clearly explain to us. My mother also shows signs of dementia related to a benign brain tumor that occasionally also causes seizures because of its position in the brain. Caring for them has proved to be both physically and emotionally exhausting for me and my siblings.

Some years ago, can’t recall how many, there was this huge, highly popular “What would Jesus do?” movement in churches across America, maybe even outside of America. The idea behind it was to encourage Christians to be more Christ-like by considering whether their actions and words were aligned with what Jesus would do or say, and then to act or speak, accordingly. How would Jesus treat the homeless person asking Him for money? How would he treat his colleagues at work? Would Jesus start or engage in an argument with his spouse or children? Would He curse the driver who just cut him off on the highway? Would He be caught throwing back a few beers at the local tavern with his buddies? I’m sure you’re starting to get the point of this exercise in mindfulness, except I think whoever started this movement and those who followed it may have missed the point of what Jesus actually came here to do.

As I sat in the chair by my father’s bed after giving him something to drink, I found myself asking the question: What would Jesus really do? What would Jesus do if He were here, right now in the flesh, in my parents’ home? What would he do after he entered their home and noticed my father in a hospital bed in what used to the be the dining room, uncertain of where he is, who I am, or even who he is? How would he respond to my father's difficulty  to complete a single, coherent sentence? Would Jesus walk over and fluff my father’s bed pillows to make him more comfortable in his bed? Would he sit down quietly beside my father and hold his hand? Would he try to encourage him with words like: “The Father loves you and understands what you’re going through. It will all be alright; there’s a great reward waiting for you in heaven.”

What would Jesus do if he took a walk upstairs to my mother’s room where he would find her blurting out random words and phrases uncontrollably, or complaining that she can’t sit up to properly eat her food, or can't even swallow her food? Would he offer her some more water to quench her imaginary thirst? Would he, feeling compassion for her condition, attempt to reassure with words that everything is okay, after all the Father knows all her troubles?

Let’s assume that the stories in at least two of the Gospels are eye-witness accounts of actual events that occurred, what would Jesus do, really? Perhaps, he might do what he did when he entered Peter’s home and found his mother-in-law sick with fever. Upon entering my parents’ home, he’d walk toward my dad and gently place one hand on my father’s head and the other on his heart, and immediately my father’s body would be restored to a state of perfect health. And then, he and my father might share a quick meal together before heading upstairs to visit with my mother where Jesus would declare to her with firm, yet tender authority: “Woman, you are set free.” She, too, would immediately be restored to a state of perfect health and soundness of mind, and offer Jesus a drink of water.

I closed my eyes for just a moment to imagine this. I closed them again and remembered that Scripture says Jesus and I are one.

So, I set about doing what Jesus would do. Moments later, my father awakens and I ask if he’d like something to eat or drink. He responds coherently that he would like something to eat. Earlier in the day, he’d refused both lunch and dinner—such behavior is a common symptom of dementia, according to my father's doctors.

Does this mean that my father is healed? I am certainly encouraged. The way I figure it, I owe it my parents and myself to begin exercising the mustard seed faith Jesus spoke of and believe that like him I, too, can be a vessel of healing.

"And when Jesus went out He saw a great multitude; and He was moved with compassion for them, and healed their sick." - Matthew 14:14 

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today's my birthday and to say that I woke up feeling a bit depressed would be a gross understatement. I honestly awoke this morning feeling near suicidal! Welcome to my world....

I was somewhere I didn't really want to be having spent the evening before, and the previous few days, fulfilling a responsibility I wish to high heaven I didn't have to for my sake and that of my parents. Sounds selfish, even feels selfish, but I felt trapped, like a caged bird—desperate to take flight, explore the world and the infinite space among the clouds if only I could get out of this cage. It was easier six years ago when this all began, helping to care for my parents, but their needs have changed and my life has suffered in ways I couldn't have even imagined.

Have you ever heard that saying that God doesn't put on us more than we can bear? Well, I say BS. This is too much!!

And so this morning I awoke, crying, which curiously is how I fell asleep. My brother called to wish me "Happy Birthday," and I struggled to hold back the tears as I thought of my current situation on all fronts—personally, financially, professionally, physically, and emotionally.

My niece sent me a birthday IM. I shared with her a little of my pain, which made me feel a bit better. Her words of encouragement even a little more.

After summoning the strength to finish getting dressed, I then set the intention to find some way to enjoy my special day, or rather, choose to experience joy. Moment by moment throughout the day, even as the tears still came and I let them, I determined to lay aside stressful, worried, anxious, and fearful thoughts and frustrations, if only for today. It wasn't easy. A phone call from my realtor with less than good news immediately triggered me, and I could hear the voices in my head condemning me for my latest disaster and screw up.

But it's my birthday. This is the one day I should be allowed to enjoy—the one day in which I experience wonderful things happening. The one day where everything in the cosmos align to show me love. The one day I'm free to celebrate me!

So, I enjoyed my free ice cream courtesy of Baskins Robbins. I enjoyed my free frappucino courtesy of Starbucks. I enjoyed a really nice Mediterranean salad and even had some popcorn—a rare treat. I was overwhelmed by the tons of lovely birthday wishes and blessings I received in the form of texts and Facebook posts!! I relaxed with a few good reads and slowly began to realize that I had not only stopped crying, but I was actually smiling and feeling happy.

It was then I decided that I have the right to experience joy every day and that today really is my birth day as I am choosing this day to mark the beginning of a new, exciting, happier, and more fulfilling life. I am fully committing to being who I choose to be, going after what I want, doing the things that I enjoy, and living life on my terms without apology. This bird is breaking free of her cage and all the limitations it's imposed.

Pick Yourself Up, Dust Yourself Off, Start All Over Again

Nothing's impossible, I have found
For when my chin is on the ground.
I pick myself up,
Dust myself off
And start all over again.

Don't lose your confidence
If you slip
Be grateful for a pleasant trip
And pick yourself up,
Dust yourself off
And start all over again.

By Jerome Kern and Dorothy Fields, ©1936

I'm a big fan of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movie musicals—I'm pretty certain that I've watched all of them, multiple times since childhood. I could easily and quite happily spend hours watching a marathon of their musicals. Watching Fred and Ginger movies with my mom and older sister, along with seeing Mikhail Baryshnikov in the Nutcracker, is what ignited my love of dance. Often after watching their movies as a child, I would retreat to the basement of our home and try to mimic their routines. In fact, several years later after I began taking ballroom lessons (another story for another time), I had someone design/make a gown for me to look like my absolute favorite Ginger Rogers' gown, which she wore in Follow the Fleet.

It's no wonder then that today when I was feeling a bit discouraged about recent events in my life and that of my family that the song "Pick Yourself Up," which Rogers sings in Swing Time to an awkward dancing Astaire, should suddenly pop into my head. I had only moments earlier been practicing a dance variation in between care giving duties for my parents. Curiously, it was during my quiet time while I was reading about Neville Goddard's method for "revising" unpleasant or negative events to help pick up my mood when I heard the song. The song along with Neville's revision method, which he taught as a way to help prevent negative patterns from repeating in your life by changing the way you perceive events, did a lot to help me pick myself up from what could have been an all-day funk.

Believing as I do that our thoughts, emotions, and words have creative power, I certainly don't want to spend an entire day in a funk and risk repeating more of the same experiences that I'm not enjoying. I appreciated and needed the reminder that I have the power within myself to choose my thoughts, feelings, and focus in the moment to create better experiences and outcomes for myself going forward.

I've been learning to do this when practicing my dancing. Even the best dancers occasionally stumble or misstep. I've been trained that when I do stumble or misstep (or God forbid, fall), sometimes the very best thing to do is keep dancing through to the end of the variation or routine. My instructor and I will, of course, pause afterward to assess what happened—did I lose my frame, were my feet or hands not in the right position, did I lose my focus. We will then make the necessary corrections and start all over again. However, I've learned that if I remain fixated on the problem or whatever it was that caused the mistake, I'll keep repeating it—usually to the frustration of my instructor. The key to success in my starting over is to focus on dancing the variation correctly, actually seeing and feeling myself dancing correctly over and over again in my mind until suddenly (sometimes to my surprise), I discover I'm actually doing it.

And so it is, I'm learning, in life. In the face of challenges, obstacles, setbacks, and disappointments that knock you on your butt, you can choose to let fear, frustration, and misplaced focus keep your butt on the ground and your goals and heart's desires out of reach, or you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.

Did you know?
Fred Astaire, considered an icon of old Hollywood Glamour and whose name is practically synonymous with dance, failed early in his career to attract any interest in Hollywood. Regarding his initial screen test, at least one studio executive wrote, "Can't sing. Can't act. Slightly balding. Can dance a little." (Source: Biography.com)

How Neville Goddard Changed My Life

Let me begin my stating that I was going to call this post " An Ode to Neville Goddard," but that would have required me to actually write a poem, which I’m not in the mood to do. I did feel inspired today to pay tribute to this great teacher whom I’ve never met, yet consider a mentor—a very beloved mentor.

I discovered Neville Goddard’s teachings about four years ago while reading Wayne Dyer’s book, Wishes Fulfilled. Dyer makes several references to Neville Goddard and how his teachings helped to inform his philosophy of life. Intrigued by some of the quotes included in the book, I decided to learn more about Mr. Goddard and his teachings.

It didn't take very long as there was plenty of information readily available all over the Internet. He taught over 475 lectures and published 10 books beginning around the 1950s until his death in 1972. There are numerous websites devoted to sharing his teachings that were created by people who are/were influenced by him. He is in fact considered by many to be among the greatest New Thought leaders of his day, and even now.

Neville Goddard’s teachings have certainly for over four years informed my own transformation and my views about life and what is possible for me. Through his vast lectures, many of which can be heard on YouTube, I’ve come to understand a great deal about the powerful role my thoughts, imagination, and feelings have in shaping my circumstances. I have as a result learned to pay more attention to the thoughts I’m thinking, what I am feeling and what I am imagining at any given moment.

His teachings have helped me to create some pretty amazing experiences by shifting my thoughts, feelings and emotions away from what I’m not enjoying to what I would prefer. They have also helped me to release years of buried guilt and shame—emotions that will absolutely prevent you from living your best life. For better or worse, our thoughts create our feelings and beliefs, which determine our choices, which determine our actions, which determine our experiences. As Neville would put it: “Nothing comes from without; all things come from within.”

Among my favorite Neville quotes are the following:

“Man, if he is in control of his own imagination, is in control of the phenomena of his life. He is not the victim of circumstances; circumstances are the creatures of himself.”

"Do not compromise. Decide exactly what you want and assume you have it. If your world would change, determine what it would look like; then construct a scene which would imply you are there."

“Disregard appearances, conditions, in fact disregard all evidence of your senses that deny the fulfillment of your desire. Rest in the assumption that you already are what you want to be. For in that determined assumption, you and your infinite being are merged in creative unity. And with your infinite being (God) all things are possible.”

The last one, which Wayne Dyer quotes specifically in Wishes Fulfilled, is one that I meditate on day and night and especially in those moments where I began to feel like life’s victim. It isn’t as some might conclude an invitation to ignore what is happening around me, like an ostrich with her head in the sand. It is an invitation to remain focused on my desired destination or outcome in spite of what I am seeing or experiencing. My current circumstances, problems, challenges may be real now, but reality isn’t static—it is constantly changing. Focusing on the problem only serves to keep me stuck in the problem, exactly where I don’t want to be. Maintaining laser-like focus on my aim will move me towards it.

I’ve read nearly all of Neville’s lectures, many of which you can access for free at realneville.com. (The PDFs only; the audios you'll need to buy.) In addition, I’ve purchased several of his books. Among them: Feeling is the Secret, Your Faith is Your Fortune, Power of Awareness, Awakened Imagination, Prayer: The Art of Believing, and At Your Command.

I recommend all of them with the caveat that you will 1) need to read through them multiple times to grasp the meaning of what he’s saying, yet it’s worth it, and 2) need to keep an open mind. If you think your way, or your parents’ way, or your pastor’s way of understanding scripture or the Bible is the only way it can be understood, or perhaps you aren’t Christian and not open to discussions of scripture, your mind will simply not allow you to glean from Neville’s work the valuable insight that he offers. It is my personal belief that his teachings can benefit anyone, regardless of religious affiliation or even if you don’t adhere to any.

Neville’s teachings offer the opportunity to stop playing victim and take responsibility for your life. If your life is a hot mess and you accept that you’re the one who created the mess, then that means you also have power to create something better and it doesn’t matter how the economy is doing, who gets elected president, or whether your boss is a jerk. Your “savior,” Neville would suggest, is within, not without. What could be more empowering than that?

Below are a couple of my favorite Neville Goddard videos. I sometimes listen to these as I’m going to sleep.

 Facts Have Over Flowed the World

 How Abdullah Taught the Law

Neville discusses what he learned from his mentor Abdullah, an Ethiopian Jew, about the power of imagination.