Sunday, December 31, 2017

Saying Good-Bye to 2017!

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."
Henry David Thoreau

Today is the last day of 2017, marking the end of one cycle of my life and the beginning of another.

Putting the past twelve months behind me with all its setbacks, disappointments and even its successes, I press forward toward the mark of a higher calling in life, more determined than ever to live the life of my dreams and beyond what I can even now imagine.

As I sit here typing and enjoying my peppermint mocha coffee, I am doggedly determined to end the year on an up note having this morning set my day’s intentions. Choosing to disregard appearances, my own fears and anxieties, I am remaining steadfast in faith/knowing that my intentions—today's and future ones—will all be realized in a perfect and wonderful way. “My Father has ways and means ye know not of” to bring my desires to pass.

Looking forward to an amazing, healthy, prosperous, fun-filled 2018!!




I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 3:13-14 (NKJV) 

This is what the Lord says—he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.– Isaiah 43:16, 18-19 (NIV)

Friday, December 29, 2017

The Power of Intentions

Intentions are powerful. I realized earlier this week that I’ve been very lax in setting intentions for my day. As a result, I’ve felt like I’m on a ship drifting directionless in the ocean. I'm doing a bunch of stuff, yet I don’t seem to be getting anywhere. So, I’ve recommitted myself to get back into creating my day daily and recording my successes to build faith and trust in the power residing in this earthen vessel.

Today was a prime example. About a week ago I had thought it might be nice to again visit my dad’s grave site at Quantico on today—it was a year ago today that he died—however, I wasn’t sure whether I was up to it or how I might get there. To be honest, I’ve been a bit emotional in the days leading up to Christmas and today even, remembering and still not fully able to make sense of what happened a year ago.

When my younger sister mentioned over the weekend that she was thinking of going and that my older sister wanted to as well, I decided to make my "it might be nice to..." a "yes, I want to do this." I then thought it would be nice to make it a family outing of sorts, including my brother, so mentioned it to him and my sister-in-law, hoping we could make it work. Weather was a factor as snow was predicted. Another seeming challenge was how to make the hour drive easy for my older sister, yet I held fast to my intent/desire to go.

The transportation issue was solved when I realized that my older sister’s van was plenty big enough for all of us to ride in comfort, and I could drive. As for the weather, I received a message last night from my younger sister that the snow had kindly decided to wait until after midnight tonight, if it appears at all.

I awoke this morning not feeling my best and for a brief moment thought I might not be  able to make the trip. But remembering I had set my intention, I remained confident it would work out. I had a chat with my body wherein I expressed how I wanted it to feel, and then went  back to bed for another hour. I awoke feeling fine, just as my sister had arrived. I showered and dressed. Happily when I asked my brother about going, he said “yes.” So, off we went to Quantico with me driving my sister’s van.

It was the perfect moment: the four of us standing at our dad’s grave site, which had already been decorated with a fresh pine Christmas wreath. It was a beautiful and sobering site. My sister laid the silk flowers I’d provided and an American flag on the headstone. She and my brother took pictures while each of us took notice of the other soldiers' headstones all adorned with wreaths, and some with flags, flowers and other items of affection left by their loved ones. And each of us in our own way reminisced about our dad and the day, a year ago, we said goodbye to him.

The drive down and back gave us the opportunity to bond—we laughed and talked about our dad, our mom and an assortment of other things as well as expressed our frustration, anger, and confusion in dealing with some of the hospital and rehab staff and paid caregivers who provided care to our dad during the last six months of his life. It was very healing for me and for the first time I feel ready to move beyond it and get back to living the amazing life I know my dad would want for me.

I have every intention of doing just that as I believe that I deserve an amazing happy life. It is the birthright of every person born into this earth.

“Is anything too hard for God?” has become my daily meditation as there are some situations in my life that feel challenging, yet I, the real I, knows that there is nothing too hard or too wonderful for God to accomplish. In those moments when I feel myself letting go of my intention for an amazing, rich and wonderful life, I remind myself that the same God, Infinite Spirit who created the universe and all that is in it and has for millennia after millennia kept the planets, sun and stars in perfect alignment as they circle around in space is surely more than capable of managing my itty bitty situations (no matter how monumental they might appear to me). To believe otherwise is insulting and rather ridiculous if you seriously think about it.

I may never know why my dad’s life ended when it did—years before he had expressed that he’d wanted it to—yet I believe the possibility for him to have lived as long as he desired and the possibility for him to have been healed of dementia existed and still exists. As my father often sang, “Jesus [the Christ in us] never fails.”

Intentions are powerful when you are willing to believe that anything is possible and, like the woman who approached Jesus for healing for her daughter, refuse to take “no” for an answer.




Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Mark 11:23

Monday, December 11, 2017

The Price of Fitting In

This morning, I attended a wake/viewing for a long-time friend, someone I had known since I was a very young girl who passed away quite suddenly late last month. Surrounded by other friends from my childhood, I became acutely aware of how out of place I often feel around them and the struggle within myself to make myself fit into a world that I don’t really want to fit into.

There isn’t anything wrong at all with the reality in which my friends live. It works for them. It’s what they know and have come to accept is a “normal” way of life. You put in your 40 hours a week, enduring all manner of situations that annoy you, so you can earn money to buy a car, house, clothes, food, etc. That's how life works, right?

As a treat for your hard work and sacrifice, you spend your down time doing things that feel more fun: watching the latest crop of television programming intended to either entertain or infuriate you, going to the movies, maybe, taking a cruise some place when you have vacation time, provided you have enough money, attending church, or checking out a new or familiar restaurant. If you're married or have a family, you might do something with your partner and kids, or not. You stress about bills, the mortgage, car notes, your spouse and/or kids, and you get together to commiserate about your stupid bosses and co-workers, how your partner or kids are making you nuts, or how challenged you are trying to manage all the cadre of ailments you been diagnosed with.

If it seems I’m being judgmental, I’m not. My friends and family are content with their lifestyles—they’ve chosen it, consciously or unconsciously. Doesn’t matter, they seem content to do what they do.

As for me, I’ve always wanted more, or rather, something vastly different, as “more” implies judgment. Ever since I was a teenager, tween even, I've desired and still desire a different way of being, doing, and living my life. I could see it. I could feel it. It moved me to action on the one hand and terrified me on the other. Try as I might, I haven’t been able to let it go. In my imagination, my daydreams, I saw a preview of what my life could be and I cannot let it go.

As I’m pondering all of this, it hit me—the guilt I’ve been carrying with me since my tween, teenage, years for daring to want to be, do, and experience something different.

I have been that double-minded man spoken of in the Bible who asks yet wavers, attempting to walk the fence or tight rope between two worlds/two lives: the one that I truly want to experience and have long dreamed and continue to dream about—the one that keeps me up some nights and terrifies me—and the one that I think I’m supposed to experience because it’s the life that people like me live and it's "just the way things are." That other life, the one that haunts me, that’s for special people, other people, NOT ME people.

Granted, I have come close to stepping into that life in physical reality, damn close, throughout various periods of my adulthood only to watch it collapse like a stack of cards typically because of my actions. I’m only now realizing in this moment, that it hasn’t been so much my actions causing my dreams to collapse before me but my beliefs about what achieving them might mean for me and for those I care about. What will my friends think of me if I...? My family? My parents’ friends and associates?

I am a minister’s daughter after all and many of the dreams and desires for my life aren’t readily accepted among those in my or my family’s social circle of God-fearing Pentecostal Christians. Nor are they readily accepted as being appropriate or even achievable for members of my ethnic group or among the extended family consisting of the people who live/lived in the neighborhood in which I grew up—the people who have known me since my earliest memories of myself.

Fearing rejection, fearing loss of acceptance from my loved ones and, honestly, fearing the responsibility and the public scrutiny that can come with stepping into the spotlight, I self-sabotage. Trust me, this hasn’t been done consciously. Doesn’t matter though, as the results are the same. Rather than confidently heading in the directions of my dreams, I end up far off in the opposite direction.

If I were writing this five years ago, I would believe it’s part of God’s divine plan—that He is or was the one throwing up roadblocks because He wanted me to go in a different direction. I now know better. It is me and only me stopping me.

I want to be loved and accepted by those I love and care for, but at what price? When is the cost of fitting in and conforming too high? When is the sacrificing of your desires to please others too great? When is contracting oneself to avoid standing out so as not to risk being rejected/cut down by your tribe simply not worth the inner pain and suffering? Really, what does it profit a person (me) to gain the love of the whole world (or at least the people I know in this world) and lose her (my) very soul?

These are the questions plaguing my heart today. Truth, whenever I do that fitting in thing or contracting myself to be more acceptable to others, I always feel this “ick” afterward. I believe it’s my inner self’s way of calling me on my BS—“just stop it!”

I know the life I desire is here for me now; it is only waiting for me to choose it and commit to it. I also know that the universe, my external world, only ever reflects back to me what I am feeling or thinking internally. As long as I continue to believe that pursuing my dreams means being alienated from or rejected by those I love and care about, that will be my reality.

I have a choice to make and a life to live. Now's the time to get on with it. Teetering the fence between two lives is no longer a viable option for me.



"All denial is self denial." Stuart Lindell, direct student of Neville Goddard

"If you construct in your mind a wall where there actually is none, you will force yourself to behave as though such a wall is actually pervasively in your way." Kidest Om

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Life—So Precious

I am feeling sad today. A friend, someone I’ve known and have always respected since childhood, died this morning. Apparently, she had been sick for a little while, yet it wasn’t something commonly known to anyone save those closest to her.

I’m also feeling sad for her family—her mom, her partner, her son, and grandchildren, all of whom really loved her and appreciated her presence in their life. I remember my friend as a warm, embracing, funny woman with beautiful hair—I envied her hair—and an extremely generous heart. I also remember her as someone who truly loved her life as she regularly shared all that she appreciated about it and made an effort to live it fully. She’ll be missed.

Her death is a stark reminder to me of how precious life is and of just how important it is that we cherish every moment of our time here and invest as much of it as possible with those we love, doing what we love and what brings us joy.



Live with passion. Laugh out loud. Love deeply and beyond words.

Monday, October 16, 2017

Children are Wonderful Teachers

Children really are wonderful teachers. As adults, we think it’s our job and responsibility to teach them, but children are precious gifts sent to teach us, or rather remind us of who we are and of what we are capable when we allow ourselves to simply imagine and BE.

Keeping in line with the theme of my musings of the past few days about the joys of rediscovering childlike wonder, I received the following feedback from the Universe today via author Pam Grout:
“When it comes to creativity, all you have to do is channel your inner four-year-old. 

Preschoolers don’t sit in front of a pail of legos thinking, “Nah! Not feeling it today.” They don’t wonder if they’re talented enough. They don’t question their ability, worry what someone will think. 

They plunge in, unhindered, free, happy.” 

I particularly enjoyed Pam sharing a story about her friend’s granddaughter. While dancing with great abandon one day, the young girl was asked if she wanted to be a dancer when she grew up, to which she replied: “I already am!”

I was once that young girl. I so imagined being a dancer, undeterred by my parents’ refusal to let me take dance lessons, I spent hours dancing in the living room and basement of our home as if I already were one.

My desire was so strong that at age of 6, I attracted into my life another 6-year old, one of my best friends until about age 18, who was studying ballet. During recess she and her older sister would “teach” me everything they were learning in ballet class, which I’d later practice at home. We even devised a plan to convince my parents to let me take lessons, but it didn't go very well.

Years later, as an adult, when I finally took my first formal dance lesson, I plunged in, albeit nervously, and it was among the best things I ever did for myself. Not only have I participated in and won awards at numerous competitions, I've also formed relationships with some pretty awesome people. Best of all, I feel my most happiest and free when dancing just like I did when I was four!

You can read Pam Grout’s full blog post here.

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Life is a Curiosity to Be Explored

"Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:3 (NIV)


It really does take adult humans to screw up a world and make things far more complicated than they were intended to or need be.

Children get it. They absolutely get it (until we train them to not get it.) Like the two toddlers, I watched playing together yesterday while attending an event at the National Mall. One black, one white. Both absolutely adorable. It was obvious both had only recently learned to walk as their little legs weren’t quite strong enough to keep them upright, yet they were all bundles of love, joy and play, eager to explore the world around them. They'd walk/run awhile, fall down, get back up again, keeping their parents running to keep up with them. They happily played together. No fear. No guile. No judgments about one being inferior or superior, good or bad, deserving or undeserving of their love or friendship because of their differing hair color, or eye color or skin color. Just all smiles and “hi!” They hug. They share (sometimes!). They kiss. They eagerly play together. They love—everyone and everything around them.

And the way they approach “prayer” is just as innocent, open and allowing. Have you noticed that when a child really wants something, they will ask and ask and keep until they wear a parent or guardian down? Children don’t take “no” for an answer. I’m convinced they honestly don’t understand, can’t relate at all to, the meaning of the word, especially as it pertains to them. Until taught otherwise, it appears children operate under the belief that everything around them is for them. I’m reminded of the story Joseph Prince tells of a 5-year old girl who before praying would say to her family: “I’m about to pray, does anyone want anything?”

Everything is possible in the mind of a child. Everything is wondrous. And the stuff they don’t find joy in? Easily forgotten as they set about finding more stuff to enjoy. Life is one big adventure to them—a curiosity waiting to be explored. As it is intended to be.

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Changing States With Ease

For several weeks, I’ve been diving deeper, and deeper still, into the teachings of Neville Goddard. Admittedly, I don’t agree entirely with his interpretation of Biblical scriptures, yet his interpretations resonate with me as being for more closer to truth than many of those offered by the vast number of Biblical scholars, ministers, philosophers, New Agers and New Thought teachers, past or present.

This evening, I happened upon this awesome nugget from Neville. In one his lectures from 1968, Live the Answer Now, he shares how he helped a woman gain relief from her stomach ailment:
One day a lady in New York City came to see me regarding her stomach problems. While she was there we talked of higher things, and after the silence she returned to her home on Staten Island. Arriving there, she went into a favorite German restaurant and ate all the food she hadn't been able to eat in years, with no ill effects. I didn't give this lady any pills. I don't even know what a stomach looks like! I simply got this lady to move from the state that had the bad stomach!
And the timing couldn’t have been more perfect as I have for about two days now been experiencing stomach discomfort that was preventing me from fully enjoying my food. Despite what one might assume based upon my slim physique, I enjoy great tasting food, even some rich and fatty foods, and believe that food should be enjoyed.

The entire lecture is pretty awesome. I highly recommend reading it. A quick Google search will yield several sites offering free versions of the lecture. Or, you can search YouTube for an audio of the lecture.




Dream nobly. Dream better than the best you know. Neville Goddard

Monday, September 18, 2017

Disregard Appearances—Believe Only

"When it seems like nothing is happening, that is when everything is happening." - Catherine Ponder 


Believe only. That was today’s inspirational message from Joel Osteen, based upon the story of the Jairus, the man who sought out Jesus to heal his daughter who was gravely ill.

Jesus was interrupted several times on route to Jairus’ home to heal the young girl, and before reaching their destination, they received word it was too late: the girl had died.

But the story doesn't end there. “Believe only,” was all Jesus said to Jairus in one account of the story. “Believe only.” In spite of what you just heard, in spite of what you might even see later, “Believe only.”

Before Jairus himself could even say to Jesus “never mind, Lord, it’s too late,” effectively cancelling his request, he is told to “Believe only.”

“Disregard appearances, conditions, in fact all evidence of the senses that deny the fulfillment of your desire. Rest in the assumption that you are already what you want to be,” is how Neville Goddard frames it.

I will attest it is so much easier said than done. I am, as most people are, accustomed to judging my circumstances and conditions—whether they’re improving or getting worse or not at all changing—based upon what my five physical senses experience in the external world. It is challenging to accept that my physical senses do not and cannot see the whole truth of what is.

As Paul says: "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:18)

Yet that is what I am determined to do—fix my eyes on what I desire to see and experience and disregard any and all things that don’t conform to that ideal. Believe only. Believe only, and even that which is dead can be restored to life.


Friday, September 15, 2017

It is By Grace

Today I learned an important lesson about grace. Yesterday was my birthday and while I was and am grateful to be celebrating another year of life on this planet we call earth, I was feeling a bit down on myself. Just a few days ago I posted about how I am choosing to be my own best friend rather than my own worst enemy and avoid judging myself harshly for faults, real or imagined. Yet yesterday and today I spent a lot of time in a state of forgetfulness of my previous choice, berating myself for not being more successful as I define success and for not having accomplished all that I had hoped to at this stage of life. In fact, a moment ago I was curled up in bed feeling little motivation to do anything in the middle of a day. I was feeling as if my typical buoyant, over-achiever self had run off for parts unknown.

Based on what I’ve been learning about achieving success and deliberately creating a life you love, this is clearly not the way to accomplish either. Neither supposedly is wallowing in negative, low-vibe emotions and thoughts and I was experiencing plenty of those yesterday and today. So, imagine my surprise when in the middle of this negative spiraling, I received the much-needed financial break through I’d been praying for.

I mean, even though I had prayed and was hoping for a miracle, I was feeling desperate and panicked (more low-vibe emotions that are said to repel your good). All kinds of doubts had set in. The voices in my head were continually whispering to me “you’re screwed,” “it’s not going to happen,” “you are not going to get what you want,” “how can you expect to create anything good in this state?” “you know you don’t deserve it.” etc., etc. Yet...

The voices were wrong!! In spite of me, in spite of my mood, in spite of my doubts, I still received the miracle I had asked for. I am truly awed.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

Monday, September 11, 2017

Experiencing Life from the Inside Out

"Whatever you want in your experience, hold it first of all, accept it first of all in your consciousness." Rev. Ike 


I enjoyed a fun and refreshing three-mile walk again today. It’s surprising, although it shouldn’t be, how much my body has transformed over the past four months, and with ease and flow. It’s still a work in progress, but I’m liking, loving, the way it looks and feels.

“I easily and effortlessly maintain a healthy, fit and toned 137-pound body” has been my mantra, affirmation, assertion, belief since May following a disappointing weigh-in at my doctor’s office where after all of my effort to reduce my weight, I learned I had gained four pounds. About two years ago, I picked up 20 extra pounds that my body seemed determined to stubbornly hang onto despite my best efforts to release the extra. At least two doctors and some well-meaning friends had suggested that because I was nearing an age where women typically begin experiencing menopause, weight gain was to be expected as the body's hormonal levels shift.

That's one point of view. I didn't like it, so I made a conscious choice to reject it as I know a number of pre- and post-menopausal women for whom this so-called fact of aging doesn't hold true. Just as it doesn't hold true that all people once they reach a certain age will begin to experience memory loss or joint problems. (I know an 85-year old woman who can still do a full split. I couldn't do one when I was 16.)

When it was also suggested that I consider enrolling in a more stringent, and expensive, diet program, something clicked inside of me. “I am more powerful than that,” I’m sure of it. I realized in that moment, my body wasn't the issue; my mind was.

I declined the program and armed with the knowledge I had already acquired of how the body works as well as how the mind works, I set my aim and focused. I began journaling and affirming daily “I easily and effortlessly maintain a healthy, fit, and toned 137-pound body.” I began imagining myself wearing my favorite clothes again. I began seeing and feeling myself at my ideal body weight. I accepted it as a done deal.

I continued my daily walks, increasing the number of miles. I started a light combination yoga/ballet regime and tweaked my eating habits by learning to listen to my body to better distinguish between true hunger and emotional hunger—I’m bored, I’m sad, I’m upset, etc. Most days, I eat when I’m hungry and when I'm not hungry, I don’t eat. I also made a choice to not stress out over every morsel of food I put in my mouth as to its being good or bad for me. I haven't perfected this as there have been days or moments when I've stressed out a little, nobody’s perfect. More often than not, I feel at peace with whatever I am choosing to eat, and I enjoy it fully.

None of this was hard. In fact, it felt easy. It felt fun. It felt like a game at times. I even started secretly competing with my brother, who also likes to walk, to see if I could keep pace with his total steps/mileage per day.

A few days ago, I wore a pair of my favorite jeans that I hadn’t been able to fit into for months. I’m now logging an average of 3 to 5 miles or more on my daily walks, which I enjoy immensely because I find they also help to clear negative mind chatter. I added breath work into the mix. It helps with my singing and I'm finding it allows me achieve a deeper meditative state during my mini-meditations.

During the past month, I picked up an additional habit that I’ve found helpful: mirror work. It’s something I learned from author Louise Hay, the founder of Hay House publications which along with Oprah helped make Wayne Dyer famous. I’m inspired by her story of how she healed herself of a serious illness and later created Hay House in her 60s.

Anytime I pass by or look at myself in a mirror these days, I make it a point to say something loving to myself. “Hello, beautiful.” “Looking good!” “Hey, sexy!”

Narcissistic? Nah. Loving? Absolutely!

I firmly believe that I can only experience in my external world, what I’m willing to allow myself to experience in my internal world. I’ve spent years allowing myself to experience much crap internally. I’ve judged myself, and quite harshly, for not being smarter, or taller, or shorter, or thinner, or bigger, or for working too hard, or not working hard enough, for being too trusting or not trusting enough, too nice, not nice enough, the list goes on and on and on. I'd become quite skilled at beating myself up for the slightest failure, mistake or perceived shortcoming.

Honestly, if a friend said the things about me that I’ve sometimes said to and about myself, we would not be friends. It's also been my experience that shaming and harsh criticism is the least effective way to inspire long-term change in anyone. So, I've decided to be kinder and gentler to myself. Charity should always begin at home.

And, it’s paying off. I feel healthier. I feel stronger. Most of all, I feel empowered. If I can transform this one aspect of my life by simply changing my mindset—changing how I see myself—what else can I accomplish?

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Being Grateful and at Peace Through Life's Storms

Today, I’m thinking of all the people who are suffering because of the hurricane that hit the U.S. Gulf Coast. The hundreds of thousands of people displaced from their homes, and those who have lost their lives. My thoughts and prayers are for grace, calm and safety for those residing in the region, and for strength to rebuild once the storm has passed. And pass it will.

It’s so easy to feel sorry for yourself when things in your life don’t seem to be going as well as you’d like. It’s even easier, it seems, to overlook all that you do have to be grateful for because you’re so fixated on all the problems or things going wrong.

Today, I am choosing to be grateful and know that I am doing well despite what outer circumstances and my beliefs tell me. I am still here. I am still breathing. I have food to eat, clothes to wear, and a roof over my head. Most of all, my mind and body are still active and functioning. As my grandmother used to remind us—loosely quoted from the Bible—“a living dog is better than a dead lion.”

Even when life isn't all that you desire it to be, consider the alternative and you’ll come to realize that you are still blessed.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Set the Course of Your Day Before You Get out of Bed

Despite having experienced a nearly sleepless night, I am feeling inspired and energized today. Funny how that happens.

Admittedly, it took me a while to get going this morning and I had to give myself a serious pep talk about what an awesome day this was going to be. Once up, I was raring to go and got going. I walked my three miles, enjoyed a nice, healthy salad and even did some cleaning.

In every moment of every day, we are given the opportunity to choose our future. And our first thoughts upon waking can be the difference between experiencing a great day or the day seemingly from hell (We’ve all had those days, right?).

Are you waking up excited about the day, knowing it's going to be amazing?

Or, do you get up in dread and fear of what awaits and feeling overwhelmed by all the things you "need" to do?

I’m sharing (with permission) this video link I received today from CrackYourEgg.com to inspire you to begin each day on a high note.

http://www.flickspire.com/m/CrackYourE848/FirstThing 

Enjoy, and have an awesome day!

Monday, July 24, 2017

Letting Myself Feel and Be

Today is my dad’s birthday. He would have been 93. I’m giving myself some TLC today and allowing myself to simply and fully feel what I feel.

I’m giving myself permission to sink into my feelings completely, without apology. Grief. Anger. Confusion. Disappointment. Fear. Whatever. If tears come, let them come—buckets full, if they must. No holding back. No judgment. Love and acceptance only. Perhaps I should be this way with myself every day.
 
I believe I spotted a blue butterfly as I was leaving my father’s grave site. It passed by so quickly, I wasn't certain. How curious, if it was one.

I am grateful to have been able to visit my father’s grave site. It’s nearly an hour drive and I’ve yet no transportation of my own. I had been wanting to make at least one visit this summer. Today was that day.

The stone looks perfect, as headstone’s go. The inscription was exactly as my family had requested. However, it was a bit disheartening to see his among a vast sea of headstones of other fallen soldiers. Don’t know why, or what difference it would make, but I kind of wanted his to stand out, to be bigger, to be given VIP status. He was certainly a VIP to me and to my family.

Truth? I'd rather he not be there at all, or more precisely, I'd rather he were still in his physical body. I know that being spirit we exist beyond the grave, and my dad's presence continues to be strongly felt, yet I'd rather he had lived out his 100 years in this physical realm as he'd always talked about in joy and health. I would rather be able to hold his hand, see his smiling face, or hear him say "hey, baby," a term of endearment reserved for his daughters and occasionally our mom. As much as I despise the phrase and its overuse, this is a case of "it is what it is."

Today, I’m just letting myself be and feel. Feel and be.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Is it Time to Change Your Story?

“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it.” – Jordan Belfort (the Wolf of Wall Street)

I included the above quote at the bottom of my last post, but felt the need to highlight it today after reading an article on LinkedIn about a woman in India, paralyzed from the neck down, who earns R 2,00,000 monthly (the approx. equivalent of $3,111 U.S. dollars).

According to the article, the woman, Sujata, was injured in a car accident while returning home with her family one evening in 2001. The accident caused severe damage to her spinal cord and after months of treatment, doctors determined she would not be able to walk again. She was only 21.

Concerned about becoming a financial burden to her family, Sujata wanted to find a way to earn money while being at home. Based on advice from friends, she decided to begin investing in the stock market. It was difficult at first, she says, to type on her laptop because of her paralysis. She now easily uses her laptop to do trades.

Sujata has become so successful at trading that she is now financially self-reliant, earning R 2,00,000 to R 2,50,000 every month. She has also started an organization to work with children who have spinal cord injuries.

You can read the full story written by Dr. Vivek Bindra on LinkedIn.

It’s well past time I let go of my BS story. How about you?

Need more inspiration? Check this out.





"Change your story, change your life." – Tony Robbins

"You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." – Martin Luther King, Jr.

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Are You Choosing What You Truly Want?

"The world is yourself pushed out. Ask yourself what do you want and then give it to yourself! Do not question how it will come about; just go your way knowing that the evidence of what you have done must appear, and it will." – Neville Goddard 

As I was doing my meditation this afternoon, the following question came up: Do you really go after what you want?

I allowed myself to expand on it further: Do you really go after what you truly want? Not what you think you can have or what you think you can get, or even what you think you should want or should have. And, not what others think you should want or should have or can get.

Do you really go after what YOU want? If not, why not? What is stopping you?

What reasons, rational or irrational, are you using to not have what you want?

What stories are you telling yourself to prevent you from going after what you want?

What excuses are you giving significance?

Who or what are you blaming and, hence, giving away your power to as being the cause of why you are settling for less than what you truly want?

What payoff/benefit are you receiving from not having or going after what you want?

Are you now able to release all of the stories, excuses, rationalizing, blaming, etc., and fully own what it is you really want and go after it?

Can you choose to love yourself enough to give yourself that which you truly want and desire?

Can you really allow yourself to have whatever you choose, without apology?




"To ask for something in prayer is to simply lay hold of what’s yours. You have the right, and even the responsibility to command your life." – Chris Michaels, Science of Mind minister

"Our blessings happen because we choose them." – Robert T. Stevens, Conscious Language

“The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it.” Jordan Belfort (the Wolf of Wall Street)

Friday, July 7, 2017

Disregarding Appearances

Live your life in a sublime spirit of confidence and determination; disregard appearances, conditions, in fact all evidence of the senses that deny the fulfillment of your desire. Rest in the assumption that you are already what you want to be. – Neville Goddard


This journey I’m on feels scary and even lonely at times, yet I’m determined, fiercely so, to get through all of the current drama and step into my preferred reality of abundance, divine health, eternal youthfulness, fun, love, joy, peace, adventure—my life of sheer and utter bliss!!

To paraphrase the main character from one of my favorite movies, Auntie Mame, life’s a banquet serving up all sorts of amazing experiences, but most people are choosing to starve instead, or consume the same lame meal day after day after day.

Not me. I'm choosing to enjoy life's banquet offerings. I'm choosing to be, to feel myself into amazingly exciting experiences and the life of my choice. I’m choosing to believe that my desires and dreams, no matter how outrageous others think them, are not only possible, but already are.

And how will it all come about? I don’t know, but I’m choosing to trust that it’s all happening now. Even in those moments, especially in those moments, when external circumstances suggest it ain’t so.





"For we walk by faith, not by sight." – 2 Corinthians 5:7 

“You can’t be Average and Amazing – at the same time.” – Mr Twenty Twenty (Life Coach, FreeNeville.com)

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

A Word Received in Due Season—He Will Finish

"How good and delightful is a word spoken at the right moment," reads one of the Proverbs recorded in the Bible. A word received via email at the right moment is equally as good and delightful.

I find that often times just a little encouragement is all I need to get going whenever I feel stuck or confused as I navigate life's many twists and turns on the way to living my dreams. Could you use a little encouragement today?

I receive daily messages via email from Joel Osteen Ministries. I enjoy reading them as I find them to be very encouraging and faith building. I've twice had the opportunity to hear him speak in person, once at Lakewood and once in D.C., and both times I left feeling full of hope and re-energized.

Today's message from Joel was very timely and much needed by me, so I decided to share it. Be encouraged.


He Will Finish 

Are you believing for something that seems like it’s taking longer than you hoped? Maybe you’ve been praying for a loved one. Maybe you’ve believed for a situation to change for years. Don’t get discouraged. God is going to finish what He started! He is a faithful God, and He has something unmatched, unparalleled coming your way—favor, breakthroughs, restoration like you haven’t seen before! 

God has been good to all of us in the past, but I believe we’re coming into a time where we will see greater anointing, greater power and greater victories! The key is that we have to stay in agreement with God. We should get up every morning and say, “Father, thank You for Your unprecedented favor. Thank You for the immeasurable, unlimited, surpassing greatness of Your power.” If you keep standing in faith, I believe you’re going to come into more of those days where you stand in utter amazement and say, “Wow, God! I’ve never seen anything like this before!” 

Remember, scripture says, “Is there anything too hard for the Lord?” No, nothing is impossible when we put our faith and trust in Him. Today, keep standing, keep believing and keep hoping because God has something astounding in store for your future! 

Joel Osteen Ministries

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Learning to Ask the Right Questions

Never settle for less, don’t ever think it’s too late, and never, ever, ever compromise a dream. – Mike Dooley


I’ve spent the past six months wondering how did I get into the current hot mess of a situation that appears to be my current reality: How did I end up so far removed from my ideal life? Today as I asked the question, I realized I’ve been asking the wrong question. The more empowering question is how do I step into the life I am meant to live, that I aspire to and dream about—the life of joy, abundance, opulence, and beauty that I’ve imagined since I was a child?

Is it really as easy as just changing my thoughts, beliefs, and feelings about myself? Is it really as easy as learning to ignore current conditions, circumstances, and appearances, knowing all of it is only the result of past thoughts, feelings, and beliefs and must pass as all things are temporary?

Is it really as simple as just drawing a line in the sand and making a freaking decision to “come out from among them,” meaning to let go of the low-level living and ideas that I’ve settled for and bought into as "truth" and simply step into the abundant, opulent life I’ve dreamed about?

Whenever I think of my dreams, whenever I take the slightest step toward them, feelings of insecurity, of fear, of anxiety, of “not good enoughness,” quickly emerge. They are real to me, they are palpable. I feel them now throughout my body. Yet, rather than believing they are intended to and allowing them to stop me from achieving my dreams, today I choose to see them as gifts telling me that there is more inner work to do. But just because I have more inner work to do to reach that place of feeling more secure and confident—the place of knowing that I have value simply because I am—that doesn’t have to mean that I don’t now get to experience, be, do, or have all the good I choose to experience, be, do, and have.

I am a work in progress; yet my good is mine to claim now.



"Beloved, now, children of God are we, and it was not yet manifested what we shall be..." (1 John 3:2 - Young's Literal Translation)

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Free Your Mind

FREE YOUR MIND. Such was the message emblazoned in big bold, gold letters across the t-shirt worn by a young runner I encountered while out for my daily walk. It was as if the universe wanted to make sure I got the message! I got it.

Actually it was my second walk of the day, which I took for the precise purpose of freeing my mind. It was feeling a bit muddled and overtaxed as I have spent the past few days trying to sort through some personal issues that have been troubling me as well as figure out next steps.

Hoping to clear my head, I set out for a walk with no idea where I wanted to go, I only knew that I wanted to, needed to, take a different route than the one I usually do and to simply choose in each moment which way to go.

It was kind of fun to set out with no pre-defined direction or route. Although I was still in a neighborhood that is familiar to me, located near my parents' home, the same one in which I grew up, I saw things I hadn't seen or noticed before.

Guess that's what happens when you free your mind. You allow yourself to notice something new, something different. You free yourself from what you think you know and allow yourself to be open to possibilities or experiences that you've never before considered.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

15 Life Lessons from Dr. Seuss

Flowerhorn fish seen at local aquarium - Today you are. That's truer than true.
Flowerhorn fish I saw at a local aquarium."Hey there, gorgeous!"

I'm a Dr. Seuss fan and have been since, well... before I could read. Among the first Seuss books I remember being exposed to are Green Eggs and Ham and The Cat in the Hat.

I don't know that I fully grasped the life lessons he was sharing in his books, but they were so much to fun listen to, and eventually read, when I was a child. "I do not like green eggs and ham! I do not like them, Sam-I-am."

Now, whenever I have the chance to share Dr. Seuss' books with the little ones in my life, I do. And I feel as much joy now reading them to children as I did hearing them as a child with the added advantage of being able to appreciate the life lessons they contain.

For a bit of fun and encouragement, here are 15 more of my favorite sayings from the master of storytelling and poetic meter.

My 15 Favorite Seuss-isms
  1. You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. (From "Oh, the Places You'll Go")

  2. You do not like them. So you say. Try them! Try them! And you may!! (From "Green Eggs and Ham")

  3. Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It is not. And will you succeed? Yes indeed, yes indeed! Ninety-eight and three-quarters percent guaranteed! (From "The Lorax")  

  4. You're off to great places. Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So get on your way. (From "Oh, the Places You'll Go!")

  5. I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful, one hundred percent. (From "Horton Hatches the Egg")

  6. Today is gone. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one. Every day, from here to there, funny things are everywhere. (From "One fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish")

  7. If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good! (From "One fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish")

  8. Why fit in when you were born to stand out?

  9. It's not about what it is. It's about what it can become. (From "The Lorax")

  10. I learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me! (From "I Had Trouble in Getting to Solla Sollew")

  11. He puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. Maybe, Christmas, he thought doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more. (From "How the Grinch Stole Christmas")

  12. In the places I go there are things that I see That I never could spell if I stopped with the Z. I'm telling you this 'cause you're one of my friends. My alphabet starts where your alphabet ends! (From "On Beyond Zebra!")

  13. You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.  

  14. Think and wonder. Wonder and think.

  15. You find magic wherever you look. Sit back and relax. All you need is a book. (From "The Cat in the Hat") 

For added fun, maybe I'll have some green eggs and ham for breakfast tomorrow. (Such is the magic you can make with food coloring!)

Thank you, Dr. Seuss.

Monday, May 22, 2017

Finding Peace in the Midst of a "Storm"

Yesterday evening proved to be a challenging one with my mom who was not in one of her better moods. After attempting a few things to calm her and me, I threw up my hands and retired to (at least attempted to) the guest room. As I lie across the bed I tried again to meditate, and then pray for some peace. Still feeling exasperated, the best I could come up with was "Lord, help!", which I've heard through some spiritual and religious teachings is as effective a prayer as any.

Moments later I remembered a prayer I'd found on the Internet that had helped me through a similar situation a couple of years ago. So I decided to look for it again and found it!!!

It's attributed to the late Raymond Charles Barker, a Religious Science minister and contemporary of New Thought teachers Joseph Murphy, Ernest Holmes, and Neville Goddard,* whose teachings have inspired me.

It's such a beautiful prayer, I want to share it.
Glory Lives In My Heart
Warm is the love of the Eternal, and it glows within me, satisfying my soul. I am fed in all my depths of emotional need by this inner well of Compassion. The universe glows with kindliness. Everyone offers me the warmth of love and the joy of friendship. The Glory of God is upon me, and I rest in Its perfect action. This deep inner sense of well-being is now forever established within me.
The expanding Power of God is the joy of my soul. Every good increases, and every good feeling is accentuated. The Holy Spirit of Peace is upon me and resident in me. Glorious is my day, and my heart rejoices. This inner deep feeling of greatness now directs my thought. I not only know the Mind of God, but I feel the Presence of the Spirit. I arise and shine, for the Glory of God is within me, and Peace does fill my world.
I can accomplish my aims. The Holy Spirit is in my mind now. Divine Love floods my emotions. Glorious is my thinking and my experience. God is my all; no more can I seek.
I followed it up with meditating on the 23rd Psalm until I drifted off to sleep and had an amazingly restful night's sleep. As for my mother, I suspect she did too as I don't remember hearing another peep out of her until this morning.


* Unlike his many of his New Thought contemporaries, Goddard didn't maintain an affiliation with any particular church. I mention it only because it was something that seemed important to him, based on his teachings, that his ideas not be affiliated with promoting the dogma of any particular church.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

A Magical Moment and A Promise Worth Keeping

"Know that anytime we exercise our imagination lovingly on behalf of another, we're actually and literally mediating God to man. So we can sit quietly in the darkness and listen as though we heard the good report we want to hear." - Neville Goddard


Every day I set about looking for at least one magical moment and one of today's moments is truly special.

I was browsing the Freeneville website to see if the site's creator, Mr. Twenty Twenty, or Neville Goddard offered any insight on channeled teachings, many of which I’m beginning to suspect are loads of BS and not to be fully believed or relied upon. The only article he has posted on the subject is in response to a woman named Theresa who’s mother was suffering from dementia in a way that is/was similar to the experience of my parents. She had asked his insight on whether it was okay to imagine her mother being healed or if she should accept her sickness as some new age teachings suggest because it may be the path by which her mother has chosen to exit this life. Mr. Twenty responded by offering the Neville Goddard quote noted at the beginning of this post, adding that by taking the time to imagine her mother at peace she was giving both of them a gift.

I actually posted a response to the article in September 2013, sharing my own story as follows:
Thank you so much Theresa for sharing your situation with your mom. I had been going through something very similar with my mom (and dad) where she went from being the most pleasant, jovial, sweetest, generous, peaceful and strong woman I know to someone I hardly recognized. Similar to your experience, the words that would come out of her mouth sometimes were hateful and foul. She's complaining and paranoid and the doctors, friends, my siblings kept saying this is something we just have to accept and deal with.

I chose from the beginning, like you, not to accept this, but there were days when I thought I might cave. But, I can see in my mother’s eyes who she desires to be—peaceful, loving, calm, gentle, content, trusting—and I can see her looking for someone to help set her free. And there have been more moments recently where she is the person she wants to be.

Hearing your story and your belief “that it doesn’t have to be this way” and then reading Mr. Twenty Twenty’s response only strengthens my resolve that things don’t have to be the way the doctors say for “all things are possible.” I love the statement of Jesus you mentioned from the Greatest Story Ever Told movie. I think that pretty much sums up the attitude I want to have when I see sickness and lack around me.

Thank you Mr. Twenty Twenty for your teachings on Neville and your response to Theresa. You are helping so many people like us become the people we want to be by holding fast to our dreams for ourselves and those we love until they are fully realized.
My dad had only recently been "diagnosed" as having dementia when I posted the above. I may no longer be able to help him, although I gave it everything I could up until the very end. I clung to hope like a woman adrift in an ocean clings to a life preserver until the rescue ship comes. Even after I received initial word of his death, my inner being still chose to believe the words Jesus spoke at Lazarus’ tomb: “I am the resurrection and the life...” I will continue to believe for my mom: "He sent His word and healed them….”

I needed this magical moment today. So did my mom.

As for the movie quote referenced in my reply, according to Theresa there's a scene in which Jesus heals a blind man and then rebukes an observer for asking what if the man he just healed of blindness wanted to be blind: “the man lives in darkness and while I am on this earth he will see!”

My belief is that Jesus being fully aware of the power within him lived in such a state of perfect faith that sickness simply couldn't exist around him, nor could lack, in the same way that darkness can't exist in the place light is shone.


"He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions." - Psalm 107:20

"We possess the same Spirit, the same power, the same authority; we don't use it, but we possess it." - My dad, Leon Don King, said in remarks given during a Christmas service held in 2006

"God give unto me the grace to accept the things I cannot change. And grant unto me the power to change the things I cannot accept!" - Richard Bartlett, author of "Matrix Energetics"

Monday, May 15, 2017

Even Self-Proclaimed Pollyannas Have Bad Days

There was a time not too long ago when it was rare that I would experience a really pissy, foul mood. You know the kind where you just want to ... scream, throw something, throw someone? You know?

During the past two years, I feel I've experienced such moments/days far more often than I would like. I could blame menopause, but I'm at least 6 or 7 years from that. Anyway, today is one of those days. I woke up in a foul mood and it went down hill from there. What do you know, this LOA stuff works! (She said sarcastically.)

As the day progressed, I decided to just give into the mood and indulge in something I haven't done in quite a while. After going through all the trouble to eat a healthy lunch—I tend to skip breakfast as I don't believe it's the most important of the day—for dinner, I binged on foods that I typically avoid like the plague: sodas and a cinnamon bun. I suppose I "cheated" myself a little on the muffin since I only had half. To add a little more danger to the mix, I threw in a few fries. Who needs salad?!

Just wanted to share to let you know that even Pollyanna's have bad days where we just want to pull the cover over our heads, or pig out on Haagen Dazs (I actually had Friendly's ice cream; no Haagen Dazs in the house), or curse the gods.

On an up note, I made certain to bless and thank all of my food for the comfort it provided.

Tomorrow's another day! Until then, enjoy this lovely video I found on YouTube. It was one of my favorite songs when I was a kid. Listening tonight made me cry into my ice cream.




Wednesday, May 3, 2017

You Have Greatness Within

I’ve been in a mood for four days now, and not a good one, or maybe the better choice of words would be "not an ideal one.”

I decided to spend the evening reading as that helps me relax and came across an article about people's seeming obsession with transformation. According to the writer, the vast majority of people on this earth are in constant search for ways to improve or evolve ourselves, particularly those of us in Western countries. Judging by the number of self-help books on Amazon, I believe it. I own more than my share of them. How about you?

We desire to be bigger, stronger, smarter, prettier, better, more evolved, more enlightened and remain ever on the look out for the more enlightened and greater person, thing, entity “out there” that is going to save us from our "pathetic" selves. Teach us, show us how we can finally be good enough, great enough, worthy of breath. This is our constant cry.

The writer also suggests that our obsession with becoming something better than what we already are is possible only because we’ve been trained NOT to recognize the greatness already within us.
Having eyes, see ye not? and having ears, hear ye not? and do ye not remember? Mark 8:18
After reading this article, it became clear to me that my current state—one of feeling powerless, anxious, and worried—is a direct result of forgetting the greatness within, of forgetting who I am.

When I was a junior in college, I learned that my oldest brother had been diagnosed with brain cancer and was in the hospital on the campus of the college I was attending. I made a point of visiting with him every day during his stay to keep him encouraged and because I wanted to be with him. I very much enjoyed those visits with my brother as did he, although sometimes he and the nurses would have to throw me out as I would hang out well past visiting hours.

My junior year in college was not my best year. I recall experiencing much stress on a lot of levels, especially academically. I was struggling in four of the five classes I had taken the first semester of that year and in danger of failing two of them. I had always considered myself to be an excellent student and quick learner—heck, I made Dean's list my first four semesters of college—so when I found myself in danger of failing two classes, my self-esteem plummeted. Back then and occasionally now, I had this limiting belief as many others do that our value as humans lies in what we do and what we accomplish. It does not.

There was one day during this time I felt so despondent that I decided to drop out of college. I had concluded, based on my classroom challenges, that I simply wasn’t good enough or smart enough for college. My classmates seemed to be having a much easier time than me.

And that evening when I went to visit with my brother, he immediately sensed something was wrong because he asked mere moments after I sat down, "What's wrong?" Not wanting him to worry, I determined to pretend that all was well and gave him my fake “everything’s lovely” smile and assured him I was fine. He was not convinced and insisted I spill it. “I can see it in your eyes,” I remember him saying. So I spilled it—every fear and anxiety about not being good enough, or smart enough, or worthy enough to graduate. About not deserving to have even been accepted to college in the first place.

Great Oak from Wallpaper-Gallery.net
My brother listened patiently until I got it all out, and then asked me to sit closer to him, which I did. He leaned over, gave me a big hug, and then looked me straight in the eyes and told me something that has remained in my heart ever since: “There is greatness inside you; don’t ever forget it. You may not see it now, but one day you will.”

It was nearly 30 years ago that my brother spoke those words to me. There was more to that conversation such as him telling me how much he loved and admired me and me telling him the same, and him assuring me that I deserved to be any place I chose to be.

After taking a brief respite from classes with my dean's blessings, I graduated from college—the first of my siblings to do so. Most of my immediate family was at the ceremony, including my oldest brother who had called the night before to say he couldn’t make it because of a speaking engagement he’d previously committed to. He was the first member of my family that I spotted after the ceremony had ended. In fact, he pulled me out of the recessional to give me another big hug. He wasn’t even slightly impressed with the princess wave I gave him trying to look cool in front of my equally as ecstatic classmates as we were walking back to the registrar's building. One year and nearly three months after my graduation, my oldest brother passed away. I have missed his calming presence in my life ever since.

“There is greatness inside you; don’t ever forget it.” 

Thirty years ago, my brother saw in me something I couldn't even imagine. And he was right, I couldn't see it then as I was much too busy being pitiful. Even now I feel challenged to see it, but I am beginning to see it. More and more each day, I am realizing who I am.

In life we face many challenges, many of them because of our own actions, our own choices, not knowing who we really are. Yet no matter how painful, frightening, or insurmountable are challenges may seem—they are not intended to break us or prove how pitiful and helpless we are. They are intended to prove to us the greatness we are. No need to evolve; no need to become better. I am already enough. All that is required is for me to allow myself to BE.

Thanks for the reminder big brother!



"What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him? For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour. Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands; thou hast put all things under his feet…" - Psalm 8:4-6 

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." - Marianne Williamson, author of "Return to Love"

“Know Thyself” written on the forecourt of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Appreciating Every Moment

Today marks the four-month anniversary of my dad's death, last December 2016. Although I know my dad will always be with me and a part of who I am, I still miss his physical presence. I miss his smile. I miss his voice. I miss hearing him sing. I miss dancing with him. Yet, I am grateful for the time we did have together and how much he loved me.

Yesterday marks the six-year anniversary of the day my life began anew. It was April 28, 2011, that I underwent what was to become the first of two surgeries to remove my thyroid. A week following the initial surgery, I learned one of the growths that had been removed was cancerous necessitating, at least in my surgeon's and doctor's opinions, the need to remove my entire thyroid. I was/am fortunate. While I have to take medication daily to replace the hormone my body requires but no longer produces on its own without the thyroid, I am healthy and continue to enjoy my life as I did before the surgery, only with a greater appreciation.

The past six years of my life have not been without challenges, no life is. I've experienced what has sometimes felt like more than my share of disappointments, setbacks, and heartbreaks, but I've also had many amazing experiences. For instance, witnessing my niece and nephew graduate from high school and head to college in the same year, dancing in my first national ballroom competition, winning first-place honors at a national ballroom competition, attending the White House Christmas tour for the first time, taking horseback riding lessons, and being treated to a trip to the lake for my birthday. And I know that many more wonderful adventures await me.

So, today I am choosing to celebrate my life and all that I am grateful for. I am profoundly grateful for this day. I am grateful that I am alive to experience all the wonder and majesty and beauty of this earth and universe. I am grateful that I am now strong and healthy, and getting stronger and healthier every day. I am grateful for my family. I am grateful for friends. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to spend this evening with friends I haven't seen in a while, sharing a meal and much laughter, simply enjoying each other's presence as we celebrated one of our friend's birthing a new person into this world.

Life is a precious gift—the best one you'll ever get. Cherish every moment of it.



Friday, April 21, 2017

My External World is Only a Mirror—I Can Change What I See


I feel as if I've spent lot of time today, a lot of time this week, in meditation. Not always sitting still, sometimes I go for meditative walks in nature. I've learned over the years that it's easy for me to quiet my thoughts or even become aware of my thoughts while walking. For me, taking a walk through a nearby park, or at the lake, and especially the beach, almost immediately bring on a sense of calm.

I am learning to take note of my feelings and emotions in any moment. It's the first step to being able to direct them so they no longer control me. I no longer wish to let myself be triggered into negative thinking or negativity by external circumstances or other people. As I become more aware of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and notice what I also happen to be experiencing in my external environment, I am coming to accept as true the teachings of people like Neville Goddard, Joseph Murphy, Genevieve Behrend—that something in me is the cause of my experiences; rather than my experiences being the cause of what's happening within me.

Like the apostle Paul, I make no claims to have apprehended all that there is to know and understand about life/human existence, nor do I claim to be at all times in full control of my behavior, thoughts, or emotions. Yet, I do daily make the effort to remove my focus from any past mistakes or unpleasant events, and focus on what I am thinking, feeling, and experiencing in the moment. And if I notice or feel that I have lost focus of the person I choose to be at that moment or the goals/dreams I choose to accomplish, I make the necessary shifts to get back into alignment.

It isn’t easy. There are certain people and/or situations I encounter or have encountered that I allow to trigger me to feel all sorts of ick!—sad, irritated, panicked, upset, angry, frustrated, ashamed, guilty. Heaviness might be a better word, since "bad" connotes judgment, and I've also decided I no longer want to eat of the tree of good and evil by living in judgment. There are some events I've experienced in my past that I may likely always react to with heavier emotions if I decide to dwell on them. But I do prefer to experience lighter feelings like joy, peace, calm, assurance, etc. For some events, like the death of my oldest and youngest brothers, one of my nephews, and, most recently, my dad, I am learning to shift focus more quickly away from their deaths and feelings of loss to all the wonderful experiences I shared with them during their life time here, in this realm. Much lighter.

In any event, my mother, whom I love dearly, just happens to be among those people who  seem to trigger heavy emotions in me, sometimes. My reaction to her words or actions was like a reflex; until about a week or so ago when I realized I can choose to respond differently. I can choose to laugh. I can choose to sing a song. I can choose anything other than "ick."

To be honest, this isn't a new realization, I just haven't consistently been exercising my right to make that choice in those instances when the opportunity arose. And that's okay, because there are times when I do like feeling pissed off! I fully appreciate my humanity as much as my spiritual nature. But joy does feel so much better/more joyful/lighter and it helps to draw myriad wonderful experiences into my life.

This week, in addition to choosing a different response, I am choosing to address the cause and ask: “What in me is creating what I am experiencing in relationship to her?”

Much like a mirror reflects back to us our physical form, the people we encounter and the experiences or circumstances we encounter—the ones we like and the ones we don’t—are only reflecting back to us who we are within, our state of being. Whatever we see or don’t see is revealing something to us about ourselves. In his book, The Law and the Promise, Neville Goddard writes:
To attempt to change circumstances before you change your imaginal activity, is to struggle against the very nature of things. There can be no outer change until there is first an imaginal change. Everything you do, unaccompanied by an imaginal change, is but futile readjustment of surfaces.
I suppose then that you can liken attempts to change your external world without first changing your internal world, to attempting to change the image you see in the mirror, or a photo of yourself, rather than changing physical body both are reflecting. From a practical standpoint, changing the mirror image is simply impossible; changing the photo delusional unless it’s your intent to use the altered photo as visual motivation to get to work changing your physical body. And there are hosts of metaphysical teachers, including Neville, who would argue that you can never hope to permanently change even your physical body until you truly change the image of it you have within. Because I have personal experience with this, I agree.

Getting back to my mother or anyone else who I allow or have allowed to trigger my heavy emotions, this evening as I sat and meditated, I felt grateful for the opportunity to see what's really lurking within me as revealed through my mom. That which I am aware of about myself, I can easily change, if I choose, by changing my thoughts and feelings about myself. That which I am not aware of, I have no possibility of changing.

This may seem difficult to believe, it was for me when I first heard it and I still struggle with it, but external factors—other people, circumstances, events—are never really the cause of how you feel. You are.



"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." Wayne Dyer

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." Carl Jung

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Happy Easter—Exploring the Great Mystery with Neville Goddard


In celebration of Easter, I am posting the following lecture by Neville Goddard: The Great Mystery. In this talk given in 1968, Neville discusses the significance of the death and Resurrection of Christ and how it might be practically experienced and celebrated in your life, beyond the chocolate bunnies, decorated eggs, and sugar-laden Peeps. Enjoy!



THE GREAT MYSTERY, Neville Goddard, 4-12-1968

Easter Sunday is the day the world celebrates the greatest mystery of the Christian faith. I use the word "mystery" advisedly, for in the Book of Mark, Jesus turns to his disciples and says: "To you it has been given to know the mystery of God, but to those outside, everything is in parables." (Mark 4) Here we see that the mystery of God is revealed from within, while the story of God is told as a parable to those on the outside. A parable is a story told as though it were true, leaving the one who hears it to discover its fictitious character and learn its lesson. On Good Friday, possibly hundreds of millions of people will attend the three-hour service. An equal number—and maybe even a greater number—will go to Easter service on Sunday, not knowing they are worshiping a parable which must be experienced from within to be known.

Paul said: "Great indeed is the mystery of our religion." This is not something to be kept as a secret, but is mysterious in character. Its mystery is not easily accepted. We are told in the Book of John that many followers could not accept his words. They left never to walk with him again. (John 6)

The Christian world celebrates Good Friday as the day Jesus died, yet scripture tells us this is not true. In the Book of Galatians, Paul states: "I have been crucified with Christ; nevertheless it is not I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2) You could hang on the cross forever, and not experience the death of the Son of God. Matthew, Mark, and Luke, record his death as taking place when "He cried again with a loud voice and yielded his spirit. And behold the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and all the rocks were split." (Matthew 27;Mark 15; Luke 23)

There are two sides to the coin of the Easter celebration. The yielding of the spirit, and the severance of the body of God. "I have been crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live, yet not I but Christ who is within me. And the life I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith of the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me." God gives himself to you the moment the curtain is torn. Spirit fell from unity into diversity, into a world of generation and death. But when your spiritual body is split in two, spirit takes your individuality with him and once more ascends into unity and regeneration. This is the true story of Good Friday. The world, however, will not believe it. Looking on the outside, they hear the parable and believe it is a fact.

Now, as the disciples entered the tomb, a young man sitting at the right said: "You seek Jesus who was crucified? He has risen and is no longer here. See the place where they laid him." This statement discloses the fact that Jesus has risen, as well as the place of the resurrection. But no effort is made to describe how he rose or when it happened. In these two statements we find a fantastic mystery, which I hope to unfold for you from experience. But first, I want to explain what I mean by calling those into my circle and teaching them from within.

This week I received two letters. In the first letter, the lady dreamed she was summoned to me, to discover others were there. Calling her and two others to me, I said: "I must die." They were so delighted with the news, and as she turned to tell the others, she awoke. The following night, one of the friends in her dream found herself with two others, being taught a new language by me and making an effort to understand and learn from me. She awoke, wrote it down, and returned to sleep—to discover that now the three were linked together, as they attempted to speak the language. I was standing off to one side, helping whenever they needed it. Again she awoke and recorded the dream. And again she closed her eyes, re-entered the dream, to discover that now the three of them were one. I stood before them, called them forward, and said: "I must die to the flesh in order to live in you. From now on you will find me within."

On this level these dreams are a parable, a story of the inner man, which—falling into diversity, is separate, linked together in the search for the cause of all life, ultimately discovering the unity of all. It is true. It is necessary that I die, but I have already. On the 8th day of April, 1960, I died to all generation. My creative powers have now turned into regeneration and now, night after night, I beget on the higher level.

It is said, that as he cried the loudest, he yielded his spirit; and the curtain of the temple was torn from top to bottom, the rocks were split, and the earth shook. This is true. When my spiritual body was split, I felt every little vertebra of my spine separate. Then, like a serpent, I moved up into the Holy of Holies. This is how your creative power, called the Son of man, is lifted up. In his 12th chapter, John tells us: "When I am lifted up from the earth, I draw all men to me." The evangelist who is telling the story added this remark: “He said this to show by what means he would die." This is not true. He said this to disclose the kind of death that would be his.

Only by yielding the spirit, can you die and ascend into a new being. You must draw yourself into yourself, otherwise you will hang on the cross forever.

Everyone is hanging on the cross, manifesting the flesh. Having been crucified with Christ, it is not the flesh which lives, but Christ, who lives in a fleshly garment. The life you now live in the flesh you live by faith in the Son of God, who loved you and gave himself for you. I remember the moment I cried out—splitting the curtain, and finding myself part of that pool of golden, liquid light at the base of my spine. Then I moved up into the Holy of Holies.

One man fell into diversity. Now asleep, he sees millions of others and does not realize they are himself pushed out. The lady saw three others, separate and individualized, then linked together, and finally one. Well, multiply three a million times, and you will see multitudes, all separate. Then the linking, the meshing, the weaving, of one thought into another; and finally the unity of all.

These marvelous experiences did not take place on this level; and if you try to interpret them as something that will happen here, you go amiss. When you meet me at night, it is because you have conjured me out of the depths of your own being. I am always with you, but not on this level. I died in 1960, and from that day on I have revealed the secrets of God from within.

We are all on this cross, but we have not died, for only God dies. It is God who is speaking in William Blake's beautiful statement: "Unless I die thou cans't not live. But if I die I shall arise again and thou with me. Would thou love one who never died for thee? Or ever die for one who had not died for thee? And if God dieth not for Man and gives himself eternally for Man, Man could not exist.” 

So God dies, and everyone who is raised becomes one with him. You know me as a person, but I am one with God, so in that sense I died. I have to die to the flesh in order to lie in you. From now on you will find me within, not without.

The parable the Christian world will celebrate on Easter Sunday belongs to this level, but its meaning is within. Walking with you on the outside, I eat and drink and do all the normal things of life here. If you ask anything of me, I will do it for you. But when you meet me in the depth of your own being, I will be teaching the spirit. Good Friday and Easter are two great mysteries.

Good Friday comes first in the parable, but scripture tells us that the first is last, and the last is first. This is true, for the resurrection, which we celebrate on Sunday, is the first of the great events.

In fact, two events take place that very moment: the awakening within and the departure of your spiritual body from the tomb. "In a moment, in the twinkle of an eye, at the last trumpet all will be changed into the imperishable one." This is the great eschatological trumpet of the 27th chapter of Isaiah. When this great trumpet sounds, all those who entered the land of Egypt will be called back to worship in Jerusalem. The word "trumpet"means "reverberation." There is a peculiar reverberation that takes place. You feel as though every bone in your skull is breaking but instead, you awaken within yourself, come out to leave your tomb empty. That is your spiritual birth!

The Easter story begins with the resurrection. God is buried in you and this is the story of his seed. "Unless a seed falls into the earth and dies it remains alone, but if it dies it brings forth much." Here is the story of life through death. God dies for your salvation. His death is your redemption. He was with you from the beginning, experiencing all of your pain and joy. But when he gives up this world the curtain is split, and as he is lifted up he takes himself—now individualized—with him. That is your ascension. Now, the resurrection is not the ascension. Your resurrection and birth from above come first. This is followed by the ascension nine months later.

To the Christian world this is only a parable, for they have not stirred themselves to question it. And not everyone who hears the truth will believe it, because they have not been called to hear it—and that goes from the Pope down.

No matter what name man calls himself, or what robes he clothes himself in, he is sound asleep. Anyone who believes in a man who lived two thousand years ago, thinks things happen on the outside, and has no desire to question the meaning behind the parable. But one day, a man will know from experience that everything is taking place within. That the world is but a mirror, reflecting that which is within. So her vision was perfect. It started with separation, then—linking together—it ended with unification.

I have told you the great mystery of the crucifixion. Every child born of woman has been crucified with Christ. But only when his spiritual body is split, does Christ die to the flesh. Today I read the work of a brilliant scholar who stated he thought it was merciful that Jesus only had to suffer three hours. Here is a man who knows his Greek, Latin, and Hebrew backwards, but cannot see the mystery behind the parable. He added the thought that they did not break his bones because scripture had to be fulfilled, yet he hasn't the slightest concept as to what that means. Bones represent the law of God which cannot be broken by man. It is the law of the identical harvest. Jesus is the fulfillment of the law and the promise, but those who worship the parable think the bones of his feet were not broken so that scripture may be fulfilled.

God's law was established in the beginning, as everything must bear fruit after its own kind. If it's a pear tree, it bears pears; a plum tree bears plums, and an apple tree, apples. Bones represent the law of identical harvest. Assuming you are known or unknown, wanted or unwanted, wealthy or poor, your assumption is your seed and because of God's law you will bring forth that which you have assumed you are. So when Jesus Christ had risen, the curtain had been torn and he had left this sphere. But having left this law behind, they could not break his bones.

A great scholar sees everything on the outside and therefore speaks of a parable. But you have been given to know the mystery of the kingdom of heaven. Not everyone will receive it, so it is offered to more than can accept it. There will always be a remnant, however, who will understand and believe; and that is how we go up.

In the lady's vision, she saw how protean I am. First there were three, then linked together they became one. In that same way I am part of your being, always speaking to you from within. And when you see me in vision, I will not be talking about this visible garment I wear, or when I will depart from it, for no one knows the hour or the day. When asked: "Teach us the number of our days," no reply was given (Psalm 39). If anyone tries to tell you they know when you will depart, do not believe them.

It is my desire that everyone will soon celebrate the splitting of the spiritual temple and move into an entirely different world to exercise a power of which mortal man knows not of. I can't explain this power, but it is in my head. I can move mountains by simply exercising it as this power is my very being. Hearing it in my head, I control it there. My five senses have synthesized into a power so great I can do anything, and as I exercise this power it grows and grows and grows. It has been eight years since God died, and since that time I have grown in power, grown in wisdom, and expanded in the bosom of God. It is my prayer that you will know it, too.

Now let us go into the silence.